Is this ADHD? Any advice on how to deal with 10 year old screeching and yelling in public?

[Shivermetimbersmearty]

I need to add DS is 10 and has ADHD ( nhs diagnosis). He is not medicated though wondering if that’s the answer here?

He is quite a noisy kid. When he was younger, the screeching and screaming loudly in public was annoying, but plenty of other kids his age also did it. I did all the usual parenting stuff- natural consequences/ time out/ removal of privileges and stern ticking offs.

In the main he/we can keep it under control. But he still does it, despite the fact he’s turning 11 soon.

Just picked him up tonight from an after school activity- he gets very excited and wound up there. On the way out, he screamed in a friend’s face. Then he was screaming loudly in corridor, then yelping in the car park.

Obviously, I told him off every time, but it makes zero difference!

His friend didn’t seem too phased by the screaming- they often lark about together, but the screaming came from nowhere.

I find it as irritating as hell ( I’m quite a quiet person and am mortified when he behaves like this in public), but I’m mostly worried about the social implications- he’s going to find people don’t want to spend time with him- I already see some kids backing off a bit as he is so OTT.

But It also at seems like a compulsion ( not exactly like Tourette’s where it’s involuntary, but more like when you have an uncontrollable urge/ impulse to do something! )

What can I do about this? Is this an ADHD thing? Or something totally different?

My eldest DS had ADHD and was medicated and told if he was too loud. If he yelled like a dog and shouted he'd be told once if he continued there would be a consequence. He'd lose something he liked or wanted. It might seem harsh but now he's an adult who can function in the world, has a decent job and can control his behaviour. The world won't make allowances for a person yelping and shouting so you need to train him not to do it if he wants to be taken seriously.

@caringcarer thanks- I’m trying to do that, so glad to hear it worked with your son.

I feel like I’m always on his case though. What does your son say now? Did he feel like you were too strict?

Yes it sounds like ADHD which means it is harder for you to do something about and harder for him to control.
That said it means you both have to work harder at it. And find techniques that work for him.

DD has OCD and tourettes and definitely has compulsions with the OCD, that are different to her tics. DS has ADHD and I recognise similarities between his behaviour and your description of your DS, the over-excited yelling seems to come from a lack of impulse I think. So it happens because they're over-excited and can't control the impulse, and the yelling satisfies their sensory needs...rather than it being a compulsion which is less 'instant' and more determined.

If that makes sense?

It does sound like an impulse control issue, so ADHD. Hyperactivity is more obviously what we think of as 'hyper' behaviour in younger children, but acting without thinking, or not being able to stop, is part of it.

Just like managing time or organising himself, he'll need strategies to deal with this. If he's getting over stimulated or feeling overwhelmed, can he take a break from the situation or do something more discreet that's soothing or distracting.

Edited for typo

I think its really hard when you are a sensory avoidant person and you have a child that is a sensory seeker. I would be careful about how you tell him off for it, because he may actually need to let out some energy in this way, and despite you thinking that 10 is old, hes still very young.
I have autism and adhd, and while I am usually pretty good at acting normal in public, If ive been in a stressful sitution or a situation where ive had to be around lots of people for a while, sometimes I need to scream in my car or when i get home, or make noises. All of my children have done this at some point.
I think you have to acknowledge to the child that they need to scream and make noises, but doing it in someones face is scary for them and therefore not ok.

Makes complete sense- I got the impression this yelling was satisfying a sensory need, but wasn’t sure how to express it until I saw your explanation!

Have you tried ear defenders ?
Children like this are often a little calmer when the sensory overload of noise around them is diminished.

@Branleuse @Xil thanks for your insights. I think I maybe need to allow him space to yell in the right setting, so he doesn’t do it in people’s faces. He’s usually quite caring about other people, so hopefully it will get through.

@smilesup Definitely think I need to look at strategies . @Gloriousgardener11 will try ear defenders- it might just work! ( will get a pair for myself too! 😁)

Why isn't he medicated?

Recently diagnosed and on the waiting list (nhs)

can’t afford to pay for private diagnosis and ongoing cost of meds.

Will he drink coffee? Nescafé double mocha sachets are basically a hot chocolate, ADHD medication is often a stimulant, it's worth seeing if coffee will work whilst you wait.

Have school mentioned randomly screaming? If not he controls it that tells you there is an element of control there so you need to harness that. Why was he so over stimulated would it be better to pick him up 2 mins before the activity ended or stay and help pack up so he is last out? What other triggers cause him to do it?

Anker soundcore from Amazon are great but the noise cancelling is very effective and they really can't hear anything you say so not appropriate of walking near roads etc.

@Singleandproud funnily enough, I’d been thinking about caffeine. After a long journey to diagnosis with DS, I’ve also been referred for ADHD ( though presents differently). Im 99.99% sure I have ADHD. I find coffee really calms me down. I drink loads of it, never have problems sleeping!

wondering if I try it with DS…

@Shivermetimbersmearty just don't try it before bed incase it has the opposite impact!

My DD is autistic and she says her morning coffee just slows everything down and focuses it.

I don't think it's a good idea to self-medicate a 10 year old using caffeine.

Short-term side effects of caffeine

• Anxiety
• Dehydration
• Diarrhea
• Heart palpitations
• High blood pressure
• Increased heart rate
• Insomnia
• Jitters
• Nausea
• Restlessness

Sorry - here's the link to go with that

https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/caffeine-and-kids

My daughter self medicated with caffeine at the age of 12. She finds she's a lot calmer after a coffee. I've self medicated on sugar and caffeine for years (coca cola) before I was diagnosed. Sounds like a sensory plus impulse control thing. I often find myself making noises, saying words/a phrase randomly but I do it quietly.

I think he needs an outlet - perhaps a singing club or take him to a playing field to shout and scream.

Extra-curricular activities are great like trampolining or swimming YI drain his energy.

Also something like a musical instrument like drumming which is very calming.

It may be worth trying the meds and see how he gets on.

I know a boy with ADHD who takes melatonin to give him a good sleep and he takes ADHD meds.
He cannot not have meds.
He is much happier when he’s on them.

You sometimes find that as they become teens, they need the meds more than when they’re younger or older.

I would definitely try other things first though.

Coke Zero does contain caffeine if he doesn’t like coffee but I don’t know if the sweetners have any side effects.

No, he actually says he's glad we made him behave. He told his gf he was a really difficult child and we were amazing with him. She told me. We followed the advice from his consultant who told us ADHD or not he had to learn to live in a world where society had certain expectations of people and their behaviour. We have a very good relationship now and actually always have had. If we'd let him get away with poor behaviour I don't think he'd be managing in life so well as he is as an adult. It was hard at the time because his Dad and I felt we were always correcting him and it didn't help that his sister was meek and had excellent behaviour so it made his seem worse compared to her behaviour. We did as consultant suggested and got him doing lots of sport and found being active helped him to blow off steam. He used to bounce on the trampoline for 20 minutes most mornings before school. He was also on medication on school days but not on holidays or weekends.