When does having 2 kids get easier?

[Moonshine160]

DS1 is 4 years old. DS2 is 14 months.
Both beautiful little boys. DS1 is amazing but very full on, doesn’t chill for more than two seconds, always on the go, suspected neurodiverse but still awaiting diagnosis. DS2 has his sunny moments but has always been a chronic whinger. I thought the whining might have started to pass by now but I don’t think it will until he can walk and talk. At the moment he bum shuffles everywhere and gets frustrated at everything. He is in childcare two days a week while I work and he doesn’t nap well there so becomes overtired and whines and cries until bedtime on those two days. He is breastfed and still wakes frequently overnight so I’m tired (but luckily he settles again very quickly). I feel like both of them need my constant attention and I get overwhelmed very easily. I just thought it would have gotten a little easier by now but it’s still exhausting. When does it get better?

I think when your youngest turns 2.5 you’ll find it easier, they will learn to play together and not need you as much! My boys are 9 and 6 and it’s a doddle, they have the same interest, they play together they want to share a room (they don’t have too) they are best friends and it’s so sweet but it want like that when they were little!

It's very hard until they can do some things independently. You might have children who play together and like each other. Mine never have so for me, things didn't get easier until school age when they were busier and could take part in sports clubs (never together mind!)
Going back to work and engaging a childminder til 5pm helped me a lot as I could structure my work time, they were busy and evenings weren't too long or stressful.

I had my girl and boy 13 months apart solo the entire time and it got easy when my daughter (youngest) got about 2/2.5 yrs old as she became independent and they learned to play together so I could try and have a brew that wasn't ice cold or be up every 2 seconds for one of them needing something 😫💖

Mine are 2 years apart. One day when youngest was 2 I noticed I was happy to leave the room with them in it, that was easier! And now she's 3 they play together really nicely.

I think it gets steadily easier as their communication improves, whether they're the eldest or youngest. Despite the toddler tantrums!

Mine are the same age as yours and I’m finding it so hard. Love them both to bits but the eldest just wants to play with me ‘without the baby’ and my youngest just cries to be held all day. I hoped walking would help but it hasn’t yet!

Thanks all. I’m glad I’m not alone and it sounds like there might be light at the end of the tunnel.

When you have a third and realise it was easier with 2 😂

All jokes aside I found 2 very different, they're 18 months apart and hated each other for the first few years. Even now they're almost 4 and 5.5 they fight constantly and are always screaming at each other.
I don't think it gets easier, I grew up in a large family and they just fight over different things when they're older. But when they're about 8ish they are far more independent so that makes things a lot easier in that sense.

Unfortunately it depends on them than their ages.

I'm finding the balancing act more difficult now as pre teens than when they were toddlers... DD1 was an extremely laid back toddler on reflection who loved her "babby".

I agree 2.5 is lots easier. Then when the youngest is 4 you feel you are home and dry (by comparison). 😁

I have a nearly-3 year old and a 15 month old and I don't like to look after both of them on my own for more than a couple of hours if I can help it - too much hard work!

But, the other day, we went to a friend's house and they have a 2.5 year old. Oh my god. Absolute bliss. My older one and their kid entertained each other virtually for the whole four hours we were there, leaving us to just look after the little one while we played board games. Made me wish our two had been twins.

So I am holding out hope for when little one is 2.5 ish. Hopefully they'll get on with each other and keep each other busy.