How to be closer with DD(3.5)?

[safari111]

I have 2 kids, DS (almost 2) and DD (3.5). Over the past year, DS has been in and out of hospital with respiratory problems stemming from bronchiolitis last year. It's been a really stressful time... and as a result, DS and I are very close, he is still BF and he is very clingy to me, and in turn DD is very close to my husband.

She's a wonderful child, I love her so much and she changes/grows before my eyes all the time, but I don't feel close to her as I imagined a mother-daughter relationship would be like. I know she is still really young, but my heart breaks a little when I ask for a cuddle and she simply says "no". I would really like to have the same bond with her that I do with my son but I don't know where to start? I'm worried that if something doesn't change it will set up our relationship this way for life. I want to be close to both of my kids.

My DD is also 3.5. What activities does she love - baking, crafts etc, can you make time to do those together? My DD loves baking so we do this once a week and I involve her in any cooking where she can help.

Can you take her to places she specifically likes just you two, for example farm, swimming etc?

She tends to do totally different activities with her Dad.

Xx

Let her lead the activities and time together, so if she wants to play small world stuff, play along side her. Don't have any distractions around eg phone, DS etc.

Offer to read to her for as long as she likes and whatever she likes.

I also wouldn’t push cuddles or physical affection. It’s something for her to withhold which will make her feel like she has control, whereas I think if you do as PP have said and just really thoroughly get stuck in with her, games, activities, finding yours and DDs special “thing” I think the physical affection will come. In our house DS2 is often a bit funny about DH, which he finds hurtful but we’ve had some success with him really spending quality time

@00100001 @Tryingtoconceivenumber2
Thanks for the replies.

As they're close in age they are always in the same activities together, or playing with the same toys, except for dancing which she does with a teacher in a group without parents. I normally take her to a cafe after dancing as it's on a Saturday, but it still doesn't feel like enough 1-1 time!

She loves swimming though and actually it would be good if I could carve out some time for just the two of us to do together.

Tbh lately I've been very tired/chasing my tail and perhaps I do spend more time zoning out on my phone than I should.

Thanks for helping me reflect..!

Something as simple as 10 minutes of 1-1 time a day, with no phone and no sibling can work wonders. Playing whatever she wants to play, just you and her. Special DD-mummy time, while DS naps or has special DS-daddy time. It might not sound like much but having that completely focused connection every day can really make a difference.

I'll make an effort to start doing this everyday.

I find it quite hard to be consistent when stress/tiredness keep me from being 100% switched on.. but I've sorted reached a point where I think I've got to keep chugging away because I've got no other choice!

So, after dancing take her for a picnic instead of a café. Doesn't matter if it's cold etc she'll love it. You can go to the local park/playground, let her choose exactly where to eat. Take a little blanket if needed. If she wants to eat in the woods, donut, under the climbing frame? Sure. In the bench, great.

Then spend a bit if time with her playing/exploring, all led by her.

IMO cafés are boring for children that age, it's an adult activity. They have to sit quietly and not fuss etc.

Other good activities together are :

colouring/drawing side by side, chatting about the art work. No need for grandiose artwork,or compliments etc

Lego/Duplo, again building side by side, helping when requested, asking her what you should build etc

Whatever you do together,make sure you're telling her how much you enjoy spending time with her and make sure you don't have your phone out/near you.

There's great video somewhere, about phones and little ones... I'll find it and share it here

https://fb.watch/okdBq_wt4t/