Age Gaps between children

[Hjudge56]

Hi everyone!

I had my first child in July this year and my partner and I have been discussing when we’d ideally like to have another. He’s thinking a 2 year gap whereas I was thinking more 4 years (possibly as myself and my brother are 4 years apart and we are really close!)

Would love to hear from the mama’s who have multiple children what their gaps between children are and how they have found it?

I think it’s really hard to decide before you have your first, you just don’t know what life will look like!
before I had any I thought a 2 year gap would be nice, but my first didn’t sleep well until she was 3 so we ended up with a bigger gap because there’s no way we could have coped with 2 not sleeping at the same time!
The 4 year gap has been lovely
for us but they are only 5 and 1 so early days really

I agree that you might need to wait. I think it does depend on what the first one is like! We have a nearly two year old and I just couldn't imagine having another right now, or even being pregnant! I'm just too tired 😂

I suffered secondary infertility so there's 9 years between mine (ideally i would have liked two) and they are not close because they are at totally different stages in life.
I then went onto have a surprise pregnancy nine years after the second 🤣 so again they are all at different stages in life but they rub along fine.

I waited until being pregnant wouldn't affect my breastfeeding my first child. She was 17 months when we started trying and 26 months when her brother was born. I'm liking the gap so far but would occasionally like to clone myself so they can both have undivided attention from mummy. We are 6 months in now and so far I'd do it again if we had a third child.

2 years! Their friends are more likely to overlap. And it's easier for you.

@Hengine we have had our first, she is almost 4 months :) she is obviously still very young but she isn’t a good sleeper and is Co sleeping so definitely would want sleeping arrangements to be settled but I posted this more out of curiousity with what people feel with their own families opposed to making a definitive decision. We shall see how things pan out.. I can’t even think about being pregnant again yet haha!

@dhxxx haha yes definitely not ready for any of it anytime soon as my little girl is only 4 months! Just more curious about other people’s experiences opposed to making a decision :)

12 months between DC1 & DC2. Great gap, found it easy to go from 1 to 2 & they have grown up very close & it was quite easy for us to parent them as they went through the same growing stages together.

12/13 years between DC1/2 & DC3.

All the same Dad.

Wished we'd had all 3 in 3 years. Would have been SO much easier!

Gaps here are smallest 13 months.. Biggest 6 years.. Best gap was 15 months between dd's.... Until teen years and I though wtf had I done!

There is about 3.5 yrs between DC1 and DC2. We were trying to conceive for about 4 months. Initially we had wanted a smaller gap but felt it was sensible to wait til when we did for financial and career/job security-related reasons. Although that ended up going not as we'd planned/expected either so actually probably it wouldnt have been detrimental to have a smaller gap in the end anyway from that perspective. Having said that though, I'm glad we did wait that little bit extra time. I get HG in pregnancy and it was so hard second time around for DH with DC1, it would have been much harder if they'd been even younger. We are hoping for a similar-ish gap again as our DC2 has just turned 2 and we are ttc no.3 now. Our two get on well, they adore each other.

There's pros and cons to all age gaps tho and often a lot of it is out of our hands anyway!

Two years (or 20 months - close enough). Any further apart they'd be into different things making activities difficult. Mind you when at school (and if different sexes) they will probably do separate activities anyway.

5 year gap and its been great. First was at school when I was on maternity leave for my second so only had 1 to look after for a chunk of the day. My first was also independent enough to go to the toilet by themselves, grab a snack and they enjoyed being ‘helpful’ getting the wipes and entertaining the baby.

Only downside is it can be hard to find things to entertain them both, but it's mostly fine and it's not enough of a downside for me not to be happy with the gap overall.

I have almost 4 years between mine. I liked being able to focus entirely on DC1 for several years and I think that really helped her development and our relationship. We had a lovely few years doing baby and toddler classes and spending time 1:1 at stay and plays and playgrounds. I breastfed until she was 3.5 years. She was in pre-school when DC2 was born and then started school after a few months so I was able to get lots of bonding time with DC2 and do all the same classes.

Firstborn are statistically often more successful than later children as they have all that sole parental attention before their siblings arrived, but I feel that DC2 has had a bit of that advantage as I'm giving her lots of 1:1 time during school hours. Still breastfeeding DC2. I like that they have been able to thrive as individuals but also have the benefit of having a sibling. I think with a small age gap I would have had to just limit us to general under-5s activities they could do together, whereas mine have been able to do more skill-based classes which tend to be divided into smaller age groups, and things like baby swimming and parent and toddler gymnastics which couldn't be done with 2 dc.

Two years 3 months between mine and it's awful 🤣 4 years between mine and Dp's youngest and his middle and that's a dream!

Two year gap and I can't imagine any better.
Keeps the baby stage as short as possible. Close enough to play together right through to teenage years. Close enough to both be interested in same things and enjoy the same trips, holidays, films, entertainment, sports.

The only time they weren't so close was when the eldest reached puberty and the younger one was still a way off. By the time they were 14/16 they were back to being good friends.

Same sex though, not sure if that matters in all families but friends with opposite sex DC had a lot more sibling fighting.

We have 4.5 years between our two girls.It is in general a really nice gap.

Pros;
Dd1 had just started school so I was able to give baby lots of attention and catch up on sleep during the day.
DD1 was at an age where she could help with simple tasks and had a reasonable level of safety awareness, independence, for example if I told her to stand still on the path whilst I put baby in the car, I could trust she would do so.
The way DD1 mothered and doted on baby was really adorable!
She was fully toilet trained and out of a pushchair.
I had a nice big break to recharge my batteries

Cons;
DD1 was used to having 4.5 years of our (especially my) undivided attention and there was quite alot of resentment of baby getting attention, needing to feed alot and being downstairs in the evenings with us (but she is generally quite needy in that way and that could happen at other ages too I guess)

Smallest gap between mine just under 2 years and biggest 11 years.
I would say 3-4 years is the ideal.
Anymore than 4-5 years they don’t really grow up together as such, but then is lovely to just have one preschooler to focus on at a time.
I’ve found kids with only 3-4 year gap are still close enough to relate to each other on a similar level once youngest one 3/4 so is kind of the best of both worlds.
The 2 year gap had its positives and they very much grew up together and are very close, although I did think I missed out a bit on the older ones toddlerhood a bit.

With my last 2 I really wanted to enjoy it all as much as possible but have them still grow up together. They are now 4 and 8 and that has been perfect, think it also very much depends on the children’s personalities too though as to how well they get on.

I'm in the "as close as possible" camp. There is 17 months between my two and that's been pretty good.

I think the 5 years between me and my sister was too long. We had nothing in common until we were pretty much adults.

3.5 years is perfect for us. It depends on your set up - we have zero family support so a gap any closer just wouldn't have worked.

There's 14 months between DD1 and DD2 and then 19 months between DD2 and DS1. Latter still only six weeks, so I've got a 2 year old, 1 year old and newborn. There's big age gaps between me and my siblings and I always wanted mine close together. My two girls already play so much and talk so much together: it's lovely to see and means I'm not always entertaining.

1 year 10m between 1st and 2nd, then 2 yr 1m gap for 3rd bubba.
Perfect age gap for us.
Almost always enjoy the same things, same friends. Extremely close bonds.
Made days out/games etc easier as they're usually all into the same kind of stuff.
Would not change a thing.

3 years between mine. It’s worked well- ds was starting pre school when dd was born so it helped with childcare fees and I could use the buggy/cot etc for dd as ds grew out of them just in time. They don’t have massively similar interests (they’re 11 and 8 now) but that’s personality really. Although they are developing a shared interest in minecraft which is nice. They get along fine and it’s quite nice to be able to do (most) things that suit both of them. I think I would find a large age gap tricky with trying to do activities that suit both. My siblings are ten years younger than me and I was always desperate for a sibling closer in age. So originally I wanted the closest age gap I could get until I realised the cost of nursery and how hard work babies and toddlers are! Maybe meet in the middle and go for a 3 year gap

I had secondary infertility, so I have 14.5 years between eldest and second. In many respects they have ab eautoful bond, but I don't recommend! I think we underestimate the actual amount of emotional support they need at 14/15/16 and I feel quite torn a lot of the time.

2nd and 3rd, 22 month age gap.
DS is 20 months, still not moved into his nursery, still not always sleeping the night through, still goes to sleep in my arms... lovely age, but I'm very aware he will be sharing us in a few months time. It's breaking mu heart just a little bit! Though he will have a little brother to play with and hopefully be best friends with. I'm hoping the boys will be close with DD embarking on her own life a little.
I didn't enjoy DD growing up as an only child.