Four year old mainly wants to play with me at parties

[Esmee89]

Now don't get me wrong I don't mind doing it, but since my daughter has started school (Reception) I'm noticing that at parties I am one of the only parents in with the children doing whatever the activity is while the vast majority play independently/with each other and their parents are stood outside having tea/coffee and catching up.

My daughter has just started a school where most of the children in her year have moved up from the preschool attached to the school; whereas she's one of the few from a different preschool, so this group of children are relatively new to her. However, from everything I'm being told and seeing, she's fitting in well and plays really nicely with others. And at the parties, although she mostly plays with me or her dad, she will occasionally interact with some of the other children (at which point I back off and let her carry on until she comes to find me again - after maybe 3 minutes).

As I say, I'm quite happy to play with her but I'm starting to question if there's more I could be doing to support her to play more independently (which she actually might end up enjoying more) or is this just something she may grow to do herself in time? I have tried suggesting she go off with some of her friends when we've found them but she gets upset and clings to me, and only seems to relax when I'm in there with her.

I'm sure this is a case of me overthinking but some of the parents made a comment or two at the last party and it's got me questioning things 🤔

TIA x

It's just her nature, I wouldn't worry.

My son was like this too, and was also a newcomer into an established group. They are so little still at that age, I honestly wouldn't worry about it too much. It is overwhelming sometimes. Be hands on when she needs you, but also tell her or show her that other kids would like to play with her, and that you will "just be sitting over there" or whatever, as a safe base to return to. Gradually be more boring so she wants to join in with the others! I regret labelling mine as "shy" though, made the mistake of letting him hear that, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't because quiet people aren't necessarily shy, iyswim.

My son is older now but he is still reserved, some children are just like that. For example we have to go to breakfast club every day as it's quieter, he can't deal with entering the playground full of screaming children; however, later in the day he becomes one of those happily screaming children :-)

Oh thank you that's nice to hear! And my daughter sounds very similar to how you're describing your son - she'll often tell me other kids are 'too loud' but then when she warms up she's one of the loudest there 😄

I like the suggestion of being more boring - hadn't occurred to me before but I'm going to try this out at the next party!

My DD was like this at 4, really clingy at parties, I can now drop and leave her at parties now she is 6 so I won't worry about it.

My son was exactly like this and even now in his second year he will play on his own, but now happy to be dropped off - progress! Took almost all of the first year but lots of kids were the same and normal at this age apparently.

This is my DS too - same age, same experience at parties. I am often the only parent sat in the circle playing the game or whatever!

@Esmee89 You're very welcome- she sounds lovely. I've got four children and looking back with one at college now, four is such a very young age, I promise she will change and grow faster than you'd think possible 💕 (and politely ignore the comments of other parents at parties mentioning she's not joining in- it's none of their business! Neither you nor your daughter are doing anything wrong)

Mine is only 3 but if we're at a soft play or a party I just sit wherever and her choice is sit with me and chat or go off and play. She gets bored after a while and will wander off eventually! I do help her with more structured games like pass the parcel but I don't feel like it's helpful for me to be hanging around all the time. I will go over if she's upset and I'll encourage a few times so she's a bit more confident with the play stuff though.

@Chocolatelover888 that is progress!! Thank you - I hadn’t really thought anything of it not being normal until I came across these parties where I’m almost the only parent in with the kids and then the comments!! It’s reassuring that it’s not just us and I’m pretty sure she will get there eventually!

@mynameiscalypso haha this is also me!! I’m sort of owning it now 😂

@Voowoo thank you, so reassuring! I do keep thinking this is going to be such a short lived thing and eventually she’ll be asking me to drop her off round the corner from her parties so her friends don’t see me 😂but yeah when people question it I can’t help but second guess myself! This has been really helpful though!