Leaving 5 year old party - right thing to do?

[MissHCBank]

My 5 year old son had a party this afternoon at 1pm that was on until 3.30pm but we left after an hour. He is on the ADHD pathway and stuggles with sensory processing.

It was just so loud! It was a bouncy castle with 35 kids in a sports club. So many balloons popped as well!

It took him 15 minutes to warm up, then he played pass the parcel after some encouragement but he was so overwhelmed, he kept trying to hide.

The other boys - there were about 6 from the class - were playing with him and he was with them but after an hour he was asking if we could go, and I said yes as he was clearly not enjoying himself.

I gave a present and have text the party girls mum to say thank you, and that we left as he was feeling overwhelmed.

Part of me is worried he might not get party invites now as we left, but then I think, if he isn't enjoying it, should we be accepting if he was invited?

He got in the car and said thank you Mum, it's nice and quiet in here for us and I can hear you.

Was I right to take him away when he asked? I worry it was rude but at the same time I feel like I was listening to him and respecting what he wanted, when he was clearly not enjoying himself.

One of my biggest fears is that he will have no friends - although he has some lovely children in his class and a few good friends who play together - and school have told us he has some lovely friends in class.

I'm still new to this as he is my only child

I think it’s fine to leave, maybe for next time take some ear defenders. My DS1 gets overwhelmed in loud busy places and the ear defenders really do help. We also used to try to be one of the first at the party so it wasn’t quite as loud when we arrived and he had time to adjust before it got full on.

Yes definitely, my DC is like this and I’m always prepared to leave early if needed and from experience it’s better than to push through to a meltdown/overload. You’re also teaching him to recognise how he is feeling and that you’ll act on it.
I don’t think it impacts party invites and from year 1-year 2 parties start being smaller and just close friends in my experience

We left a 6 year olds party recently because DS wasn't happy. He wouldn't leave us and it was very loud. We had more fun at the amusements near by! We gave the gift and I messaged the mum as I couldn't find her.

DS has another party to go to soon so the invites haven't stopped.

Mine once spent an entire party sat in the lobby area at a community centre (with me).
The mum of the birthday girl popped out a few times with drinks etc, several children came out every so often to say hello.
She still got invites but later on decided she didn't want to go to big parties.
No one really gave it a second thought.

You advocated for your child and prioritised his needs, which was that he was overwhelmed and wanted to go. 100% the right thing to do.

When you’re a parent of an ND child you have to stop worrying about what other people think. You weren’t rude, you simply put your child’s needs first.

Absolutely the right thing for you and your child.

Yes if DC is totally overwhelmed then i'd leave. I'd want to explain to the organising parent(s) in person rather than text though.

Another option rather than leave altogether is to step out for a bit of a break and then go back in - my 5 yo with ASD regularly does this at parties.

Agree with pp saying give ear defenders a go.

All parents know that parties can be overwhelming and kids sometimes have trouble coping with them. Party meltdowns are common. No one will have judged you for taking your DS away early to avoid one.

Yes good you left and I don't see why this would affect other invites. If it dies shame on them

My daughter always leaves early due to being ND, if you did this at our party we wouldn’t have though it was normal behaviour.

My son turns 4 in Dec and we left a 3rd birthday party in the summer after 30 mins because it was too loud/warm/busy. Same thing with his nursery party night/fundraiser a couple of months ago. It's fine, you made effort, he joined in as much as he was comfortable, you left a gift and text the mum.

Ear defenders are a good shout, my Ds really likes his.

I think you handled it well. As the host, the only thing that would irritate me would be if you didn't bother to apologise and thank me for the invite. You did both so no problem.

It’s fine to leave, you did it politely. Don’t worry! He’s a lucky child to have such a thoughtful mum who puts him first.

I’ve done this with my ASC child - tbh the sensory overload sounds more like autism than ADHD (speaking as a mother to a DC with both!) You absolutely did the right thing.

It’s completely right to leave. Do what’s best for your child.

Depending on what you said to the mum you might want to clarify that it was a great party and he really appreciated being invited, but he sometimes finds big groups overwhelming - or something like that that means she doesn’t think the party host did anything wrong.

Thank you all for the reassuring words. Sometimes I find myself second guessing myself but today, I just knew it wasn't right for us to stay. I want to make sure he knows that when he tells me he can't manage any more, I act on it.

School are working a lot with him on emotional regulation and recognising how he is feeling.

He has another invite for an adventure activity place in a few weeks where we have been before, and will be more suited to him as it'll be a smaller group and focused activity.

I've ordered some ear defenders as well given the advice on this thread, so thank you all!