Nearing a breakdown... HELP!

[Devonshiremom]

I have a 4 year old DS and a 6 month old DS and I am literally on my knees. Today which is a Sunday I haven't been able to get out of bed. Im physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. I feel no motivation to do or plan anything.
My DH is fairly supportive, he's taken them out today in the car and usually works from home and oldest is in preschool term time.
But im still not coping. Feeling like a failure.
As awful as it is to say I am regretting having a second baby. He has been such hard work - awful pregnancy, stressful birth, then reflux, feeding problems, not sleeping at all at night, naps on me when breastfeeding or not longer than 30 mins in the day! Now he has started doing a high pitched screaming if I put him down or he wants something but I can never figure out what it is to soothe him. He cries constantly on and off all day,
I have not shared a bed with my husband in a year as I was so ill with pregnancy and now we have to do night shifts to survive.
Oldest son is going through his own health problems with a disimpaction regime for constipation which has lasted 6 weeks and is ongoing and now he is really acting out behaviourally - running off at pick up, saying: I don't love you mummy, hitting, pulling my clothes, wanting attention. School have noticed and say he hasn't got respect for me or my husband.
I have zero space for myself without one or both of them on me the youngest breastfeeding or pulling me etc.
I can't find time for housework, washing, gardening, any time to unpack as we moved house 8 months ago.
I feel like it's all too much and that there's no one that can really help. Should I stop breastfeeding would that help?

Has anyone got any advice or tips. Does it get better?

Have you considered both DC have allergies? Constipation with the eldest and the non sleeping of your youngest and reflux are all red flags for cmpa.

yes interesting I have a dairy intolerance. My youngest also has been constipated from birth and is on Laxido so I have avoided any dairy for him.
His screaming has coincided with weaning though which is interesting but I haven't introduced any dairy yet - maybe other intolerances?
The doctors have been so rubbish with both of them. We were referred onto a consultant with oldest son who just tested for celiac and said he had 'toddler diarrhoea' but turned out to be overflow and severe constipation. I have pushed for testing but they don't want to know. We have been referred onto a dietician for youngest DS but all they seem interested in is pushing to start introducing dairy as soon as possible which I have so far refused.

This sounds really rough.

I would also suggest maybe some kind of allergy. The non stop screaming suggests maybe?

It's bloody tough!!! I have 2.5 years between my two. 14 months and 3.5. I feel you.

Do you sling? That would be my suggestion and had been my lifesaver when they are super clingy.

Also set times your DH has the children. You need some time away. Eg Saturday morning he does get up. Takes them out soft play whatever. For at least two hours. Every week. Without fail.

I was also going to come one and say it could be an intolerance. I would really push to get them tested. Sometimes you just need to bang the desk.

if you were my daughter I would push you to go to the doctor, all of you take your husband with you and all of you explain what you’re going through before something snaps. You need help. Could you afford to pay to have your house sorted. I’m disabled and recently moved, I called a cleaning lady (recommended from people on the local fb community page ) she came and unpack, I literally just told her where to put things she was my arms and legs. I paid her £100 for 5 hours work and she cleared so much for me it was money well spent.

as for the health issues, as I said, the four of you go and see the doctor, refuse to move until he does something. When my son was a baby I knew something was wrong, the consultant said I was an over anxious mother ! I refused to leave his office, just sat there until he eventually agreed to getting some tests done. 2 weeks later my son started 18 years of treatment without which he wouldn’t be here. So bang a few desks, and insist you get help.

Makes me feel better knowing someone is going through similar thank you, I did plan to use the sling but post partum I have a prolapse and umbilical hernia so I haven't been able to carry him which is a real shame. My husband uses the sling when he can.

If constipation is a symptom then it's unlikely to show on allergy tests as it'll be a non-ige allergy. I would trial elimination of egg if you've already removed dairy.

I also was thinking allergies. My 3 all have CMPA and I didn’t spot it for a long time with my first and he was just like your youngest. It was psychologically and physically very very tough. I’m sorry you’re going through this and a breakdown is not a ridiculous response. Agree with all of the above. Only thing I would add is to maybe start keeping a food diary as you’re likely to be asked to do this and my experience is that you basically have to work it out yourself with allergies rather than waiting on medical professionals. Good luck and sending strength.

Yup sounds like CMPA, get your baby on a hydrolysed formula, aptamil pepti for example. Might be able to get prescription for it. Cut dairy out of older child's diet also. It can take 4 weeks to leave system completely so bear with it. It's heartbreaking to see your child suffer and feel helpless.
I'll update with a great app and Facebook page. Your baby may need omeprazole to help them.
F the house, etc, focus on getting your kids and your own health sorted. Sounds like you've gone through so many big events, house move, pregnancy, sick baby and son.
You will get through this, you will come out of the fog.
Aks for a paediatric referral if needed. GP's generally know F all about CMPA and silent reflux that is often going with it.

Surviving Reflux Ireland is the Facebook page. Infabt acid reflux is the app.

Just to say depending on the severity of the allergy the hydrolysed formula might not work. Mine needed the amino acid based formula.

Thank you all for your messages. It's really lifted my mood and helped me focus. I've made a GP appointment and have looked at the Facebook page/ app DNlove. Had a long chat with my husband when he got home and he has agreed to take them for a couple of hours at the weekend to give me time out.

@sleepplease1 you absolutely can sling with a prolapse. I have a double prolapse from 4th degree tear with ds1. I carried him in sling and I carried DS2 in sling from 3 days post section. Check where your local sling library is to book a consultation to help you. Mine is Sheffield and they are brilliant. They do do zoom consultations if your struggling.

Also fennel tea works really well for yummy upset. We used something called tummy calm