Does the mental load increase massively with a second DC?

[overprepper]

I thought this was the best place to ask. Of course, from the outside it looks like everything (time, energy, money) times by two.

I don’t know how people attend all the school plays, parent assemblies, with more than one - unless you don’t work or work very part time. Making everything equal between both of them and feeling guilty if you don’t. Then there’s the whole matter of paying for childcare again.

I know enough people do though. Are there some things made easier by having two or is it generally a lot more work than being one and done?

Remembering all the school stuff is hard. I don't feel guilty about not being able to attend school events however.

Slightly easier at home as they entertain each other.

I guess it must be as 2 is more than 1, but the hardest thing for me was managing the sickness between 2 pre school. I had a 3 year gap. By the time they were in school and childcare costs were reduced, and sickness had massively levelled out I was just able to take it in my stride tbh, I've never found it overwhelming managing 2 even when they've been in 2 schools and I have always been full time, no family around, DH who works away. Understanding managers and flexibility in work has been amazing though.

Personally I do find it much harder with 2 dc, though we have a 4 yr gap and youngest is too young to play with the oldest, so the benefits of them being easier by entertaining each other doesn't apply. I'm not sure if it would have anyway, with my DC1's personality, as she tends to prefer to have an adult to play with rather than other dc.

I work 1 day a week and DH has a flexible employer, so attending school events hasn't been an issue, though we only have one DC at school so far. I think it will be harder with 2 simply because of the time taken out of the work schedule. We've been able to attend everything so far for DC1 (both of us) but it might only be me for DC2.

I like my DCs to do lots of activities and I'm not sure how I'll manage that with 2 dc and different start times/locations. So far DC2 has been dragged along to DC1's after school activities, but at some point they will want to do an activity that happens on the same day, and I can't be in two places at once. DH is willing to help but realistically isn't home until later. We've had some logistical issues and also keeping on top of spellings and music practice has been hard - it definitely crossed my mind at some points that it would all have been a lot easier to have been one and done!