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Separation anxiety with older children

2 replies

TeamSleep · 11/11/2023 10:47

DC are 7 and 9. I’ve posted about their difficulties going into school before. I feel like we’re ok with that now, insofar as they’ve come to an acceptance that they have to be left at school and although they find it difficult there’s no point in crying or running after me. Sometimes they still do but there are staff on hand to hold them back while I quickly get away. I’m not going to lie, it’s horrible. I hate it. I’m assured they’re fine once I’m gone and they’re both doing well at school and come out happy at the end of the day.

Now though it’s starting to concern me that they won’t go to parties, play dates, after school clubs etc unless I can be there too, which isn’t always possible. I’ve just had to turn down another party invite because DC say they won’t go unless I can stay and I just don’t want to look like I’m overprotective, which I’m not. I’d love nothing more than for them be confident enough to go out there and enjoy the world without me constantly at their side.

I feel very alone in this but I’m wondering if there are any others out there who have/had similar DC and how you navigate it. It’s one thing leaving them crying at school, where they have to go, but I just can’t do it for the sake of a party/playdate/club where there’s a choice. But I feel like I’m denying them these experiences.

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Scottishgirl85 · 11/11/2023 10:51

That sounds hard, and they're missing out on so much. Do you have a partner who could drop them off? That might be easier for them. Could they do afterschool club? They would go straight from school so it's not another drop-off, and would encourage social interactions. Can they do clubs during school, like lunchtime clubs and music lessons?

TeamSleep · 11/11/2023 10:56

Thanks for your reply. I do have a partner who can drop them off and they are better with him but he works full time and can’t do it all the time. I work part time (school hours) from home so there’s no need to use after school club, it would be a choice, and they are so ready to come home at the end of school I couldn’t do that too them out of choice. They do clubs during school and have lots of friends, they have friends over to our house to play but they don’t want to go to their friend’s houses when it’s reciprocated (unless I can stay) so unless I know the mum and can explain and ask if I can stay too I turn down invites. They don’t really get asked anymore as people know they’re not keen.

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