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Parenting

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Original poster

Thoughts on this statement??

21 replies

Zelleb · 10/11/2023 16:17

So I recently had someone say to me whilst on maternity leave "it's my job to look after my baby" followed by "the government is paying you" and basically I shouldn't be entitled to a life out with motherhood.
Just wonder what others feel about this statement? Personally I think it's rude and I should be entitled to a break and be myself out with motherhood. Obviously I love my baby and I don't not want to look after baby but I feel I need a break sometimes.

OP posts:

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Afteropening · 10/11/2023 16:18

My thoughts would be entirely dependent on who said it

OwlBasket · 10/11/2023 16:23

If it was your partner then I’d imagine it’s the tip of the iceberg and things are not good at home

ChristmasIsCome · 10/11/2023 16:23

That’s a load of crap. It comes under the benefits bashing banner. In most cases employers pay the majority of maternity pay and people make up the shortfall with savings. Of course you can use your money to do things you enjoy both with and without your baby.

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TooBusyLiving · 10/11/2023 16:29

Who said it? Clearly a total nob, but a random person in Tesco I’d ignore, but if it was my partner, I’d be rethinking my life choices.

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2023 16:30

Who’s saying it, and why did it come up?

Original poster

Zelleb · 10/11/2023 16:36

Father of my baby said it 🙄🙄 sounds like I'm not entitled to time for myself whilst he can do whatever he wants because he works full time

OP posts:

Original poster

Zelleb · 10/11/2023 16:50

Father of my baby said it 🙄🙄 sounds like I'm not entitled to time for myself whilst he can do whatever he wants because he works full time

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2023 16:51

So is your baby’s father saying he will never look after the child - even on weekends and evenings - because your job is 24-7?

Both parents should get equal leisure time and equal access to money.

What is the situation going to be when you aren’t on maternity leave any more?

Superscientist · 10/11/2023 17:02

During regular working hours might be your "responsibility" to take care of your baby.
My employer paid for my mat leave did they insist I spent every minute of every day looking after the baby.

Parenting is a partnership. It does not have to be equal to the minute but it has to be fair and each parent play to their strengths. I'm a night owl I have done the vast majority probably 98% of the night wake ups over the last 3 years. I'm not a morning person but my partner is so I have had a lie in for probably 98% of the Saturdays and Sundays. Ideally once a week if not every other week we each get a long soak in the bath. I need the time to be not touch by another tiny human - which was particularly important during the first year. My daughter took a long time to settle for any one else so this was a good way fro me to be out of bounds so she had to cope with daddy whilst only being a minute away.

He is the father of your child. He should also be your partner and it doesn't sound like he is being a very good partner right now. I would pull him up on his views and ask him to join the real world. Ideally leave baby with him for a period of time whilst you are inaccessible then ask if he could sustain that all day every day without needed 20 minutes to not be on it all the time. I had issues with being touched out and understanding this really helped me in manage how hard being a mum was at the time

Woman2023 · 10/11/2023 17:06

Zelleb · 10/11/2023 16:50

Father of my baby said it 🙄🙄 sounds like I'm not entitled to time for myself whilst he can do whatever he wants because he works full time

Fuck. You have a serious problem.

Does he think he's not really a father because he's not being paid specifically for it?

Does he share finances with you?

Original poster

Zelleb · 10/11/2023 17:27

I am still on maternity just now but when I go back to work he said it will be both our jobs. I don't see why this isn't the case just now. I still do what I need to do to get a break occasionally like day out with friends to unwind but he moans as apparently its my job t😂 just wanted to see others views on this as I think the same as above comments but he doesn't see it. Wondered if all men are like this or he is just a knob lol. My question to him is, so whens my day off as raising a baby is a 24/7 job and I'm entitled to a break.

OP posts:

Ibravedaflood · 10/11/2023 17:33

My ex never had the dc or did chores because he worked. When he was off work he never had the dc or did chores because it was his time off... Divorced and he saw the dc for a while when he had a gf. When she married his bff he dumped them with his dps until as teens they stopped going. Ime he will have absolutely no relationship with his own dc with this attitude.. Ask him how he sees his relationship with his adult dc.. Given he won't know them it will be minimal.

Scirocco · 10/11/2023 18:41

Has he heard of Annual Leave and lunch breaks?

He's a prat.

Original poster

Zelleb · 10/11/2023 19:45

He does feed him occasionally or watch him whilst I do daily chores etc but moans when I go to have some me time. He is a arsehole. Glad it's not just me that thinks he has the worst outlook on the situation. Let's just say when I'm back working full time we will be spilling all jobs equally as the government then won't be paying me to look after my baby. Il be real petty even if I don't mind doing it, out of principle he will be pulling his weight with his baby.

OP posts:

Superscientist · 10/11/2023 19:48

You don't have to wait OP
You shouldn't have to wait

eddiemairswife · 10/11/2023 19:54

Is 'out with' a new way of saying 'without' ?

Scirocco · 10/11/2023 20:06

eddiemairswife · 10/11/2023 19:54

Is 'out with' a new way of saying 'without' ?

It's Scottish for 'outside of'/ 'other than'.

NuffSaidSam · 10/11/2023 20:10

It's your job during the working day when he's at work and you would normally be at work.

It's not your job before work/after work or weekends. Then it's on both of you.

TinyTeacher · 10/11/2023 20:25

Ok. So if it's your job, you will be entitled to breaks.

We have a nanny. She is paid to look after the children. She is legally entitled to a lunch break etc. She has annual leave. We allow paid time off for dentist appointments etc (she is very nice and we discuss these things well in advance so that a have cover). She has time off when she is sick.

So.... If it's a job that you are paid to do, why on earth would that mean no entitlement to breaks???

ChristmasIsCome · 10/11/2023 21:55

I find it so sad when men don’t want to be involved with their babies. What did he think being a parent would be like?

climbershell · 10/11/2023 22:06

It is effectively your job for the hours that partner is at work. But your job is to look after & spend time with baby. Not to do laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping etc etc. Your getting paid to look after baby.

Outside of those 37/40hrs job of being on maternity, you and partner are voluntary parents, equally. Everything outside of those voluntary parenting hours should be split fairly. You should both do chores, baby care and both have 'me time'.

However, even if you look at it that way. Your a family, maternity pay is crap. You're putting your career, prospects and likely pension on hold for the sake of your family. Your partner is only able to go to work as you enable him to, buy looking after the baby. Your partner should be paying more than 50% for things AND pulling his weight at home.

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