Urgent help please- at wits' end with screaming waking 3 yo

[OhwhyOY]

Some urgent advice needed please - Our almost 3yo DD has suddenly started waking in the night screaming for mummy. As we have a 5 mo baby dad goes to her rather than me and she will reject him and scream for literally hours if I don't go in. Baby is trying to crawl so he wakes quite a bit in the night so I can't really go into DD for the length of time needed to resettle her. She's also rejecting her dad in the day a lot at the moment though other times will play happily with him. Any ideas on what might be wrong and how to handle it?

I'm wondering if it could be separation anxiety or possibly a sore ear as she's woken a couple of times screaming her ear hurts, but during the day says it is fine. She's recently stopped napping in nursery as her friends don't but she still needs the nap so is coming home exhausted. She also had night terrors for the first time a few days ago and when she woke was screaming about her ear for a good ten mins inconsolable. She has two teeth to come in so was also wondering about teething but again during the day she's fine.

Any advice most welcome, we are exhausted and hate seeing our daughter so sad.

I wouldn't be convinced that a kid that age was genuinely distressed for that long. To me, it sounds like she wants attention from her mum and this works for her to get it. Especially since she's fine in the daytime.

I'd go overboard on the bedtime routine. Loads of cuddles, stories, nice bath etc, make sure she sees both parents. But then at night, I'd be really careful not to give too much attention unless there's clearly an issue.

It's just a theory so feel free to disregard it. But in my experience of children, it's typical that there's some urgent issue in the middle of the night that they've invented.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Sometimes when they have sore teeth or ears it's more apparent at night when they're trying to settle than during the day when they're distracted. Also, sore teeth can cause sore ears so possibly it's just those pesky teeth causing problems. No good if she won't settle for Dad when you've got a little baby to look after either. Fortunately, these things do pass and somehow we don't totally collapse from the exhaustion.
When my little ones are like this I tend to give a dose of calpol to help the discomfort and that tends to be enough to help them settle.

Our 3.5 year old spent about 10-14 days waking with her ear and then being fine in the day (generally good sleeper). Have you tried giving her some nurofen or Calpol? Our DD has all her teeth so knew it wasn't that, docs said it was likely a viral ear infection and it has resolved itself in the end x

Thanks @TheHawkisHowling @Tryingtoconceivenumber2 @Tumilnaughts this is really helpful. Last night I went in when she was screaming and gave her a cuddle and explained that I was going to leave in a couple of minutes and that she would see me in the morning. I left her my dressing gown and told her she could bring it into me in the morning when she came in, thus reinforcing the idea she would definitely see me soon and giving her something to cuddle. That seemed to calm her a bit though she still slept restlessly.

She's saying her mouth hurts today so I suspect probably a combo of teething and attention seeking. I briefed her multiple times this evening that I would put her to bed but her dad would look after her in the night if she needed him, and bigged up how good he is at scaring scary things away (e.g. she's scared of a fox coming into her room at night, thanks Peter Rabbit!). That seemed to satisfy her a bit and she read a bedtime book with him. Fingers crossed all goes well!