DD is 6, very bright and funny, and very devoted to her mummy. She has 2 older siblings who she gets on welll with and a nice supportive daddy. I try to make sure that i spend some quality time with each of them individually
Recently she has started to get very upset by things that never used to bother her – getting dressed, going to school, forgetting a snack, having to have a shower or go to bed, anything really. She will refuse to do it, or will refuse to carry on what we're doing until it's fixed, she will cry until she's tired out or I back down. It's really upsetting me and my other children as it takes me a long time to calm her down, making us late for school/bedtime/whatever, and is stopping me spending time with them. The main problem is that the trigger seems to change all the time – to the extent that it feels she's just looking for something to get upset about. I've tried fixing each problem but she just finds a new one.
Her emotions do seem genuine though, and I'm sure that if it is attention-seeking then it's a subconcious decision. She knows i find her behaviour upsetting, so i guess either she cna't help it or she has just learned how to push my buttons. It feels cruel just to ignore her. She often says she feels sick, and as though she has forgotten something but can't remember what it is. It sounds like anxiety to me, which is somethign i struggle with too. But I'm wary of pathologising when this could be a fairly normal phase that a lot of children go through.
I've tried to explain that she can choose how she handles a bad situation – she can choose to get upset and ruin everyone's day, or she can take a deep breath and get on with it, but I know I'm asking a lot of her. I'm often guilty of talking to her like she's older, and I'm not sure a 6 year old can really understand their own behaviour.
I suppose my question is how I can help her to deal with her emotion better, and find out what the underlying problem is, if there is one. Part of me thinks that i just need to be firmer with her – at her age you shouldn't really have a choice in some things – but I don't want to get angry with her any more. I would love to give her all my time, but it's not realistic and I need her to see that that's ok.
Any advice appreciated. I thought by my 3rd child I'd know what i was doing, but this has thrown my confidence in my own parenting ability, and i'm at a bit of a loss what to do.