FTM Looking after 16 week old baby solo for 7 days..

[TrueBluee]

Hello, FTM here to a little boy who is currently 14 weeks. My husband will be away for work when our son is 16 weeks for 7 days. It cannot be cancelled or rearranged.

I am so anxious and worried, no idea how I'm going to cope, my husband is my rock and has been my lifeline. Diagnosed with PND and PPA, also trying to maintain my pumping schedule (5-6x a day), keep the baby happy, somehow sleep and sterilise / clean bottles and pump parts too. My baby is very cranky, he cries unless he's held, only tolerates his playmat for 5-10mins if I'm lucky. Will only contact nap in the day (cant sleep when he sleeps as he only sleeps about 20 to 30 mins) and sleeps a bit at night. I have a sling but he's not overly content with it. Just know he will just scream for the 30 minutes I can't hold him when I pump, but I need to pump to maintain my supply.

I keep crying, just feels overwhelming, I have no family or friends. I feel pathetic as there are loads of single parents and individuals who actively solo parent, some even solo parent more than one child.

Are you pimping and bottle feeding, or pumping to increase supply?

Don't put pressure on yourself. Formula is ok if you need to use it. The most important thing is that Mum and baby are both happy and safe and that's what you may need. Breast milk is great when it works.

As preparation now... make sure your fridge is full of food that's quick to make and eat one handed.

Be kind to yourself- you will manage this. Get your husband to help you plan ahead a bit - eg - plenty of shopping in, make up some sandwiches and freeze them, anything that saves you effort.

Think about things that might give you a boost that week- eg - a midweek deliveroo or something to look forward to.

make the decision to not worry about the general state of the house whilst your husband is away.

try and get out on walks if you can, for your mental health and crying does not sound so loud outside.

talk to your health visitor about your pumping schedule- sounds absolutely exhausting. Sleeping and rest and self care helps with milk supply.

Are you near a Homestart organisation? Really recommend them for support. Take care xx

Honestly I’d stop pumping. If that means mixed feeding/formula then that’s absolutely fine. Baby screaming for 30 minutes whilst you pump multiple times a day isn’t sustainable and will just add to the stress.

Also stock the fridge with healthy ready meals that you can eat one handed, get loads of snacks in, have a big bottle for water and a thermos for coffee/tea and make sure you have it all within reach on the sofa. Make sure DH helps blitz the house and laundry before he leaves so you start with a clean slate. Ensure you have enough of everything like nappies, wipes etc in. Also make sure you have enough clothes for you and baby so you don’t have to worry about staying on top of the washing- pick up some extra packs of basics like babygrows from the supermarket if you need to.

I found getting out for a walk everyday did wonders, but I definitely wouldn’t judge you if you treated the whole thing as a mini staycation and spent the whole week in PJs binging box sets! Go easy on yourself, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed but you’ve got this!

Has your DC been checked for tongue tie (by someone properly qualified to check)? Supply problems at 14 weeks would usually mean a latch/tongue tie problem, especially if pumping is more effective at keeping up supply - usually baby is much more effective at this stage.

Your baby promotes milk supply much better than a pump. I bf all of mine and never touched a pump.

Can I ask why you’re pumping? I have breastfed my daughter for 9 months now and nearly gave up so many times at the beginning because I was trying to pump and then bottle feed her. I did this so I knew how much she was getting (she was poorly when first born so this was important) and also so others could feed her. It soon became unbearable as I couldn’t fit it all in and was stressing myself out over being able to have others help. She was so used to bottles it was a struggle to get her back to breastfeeding but I got a pillow, box set and lazy day and plonked us on the sofa and let her try to feed as much as she wanted. Now feeding is enjoyable not stressful. Yes it’s all on me but it was anyway, I still had to get the milk out. If pumping is a source of stress for you look at how else you can feed them, whether it be breastfeeding or formula.

You will be able to manage, preparation is key and be realistic. The house will look like a tip, you’ll eat one handed what you’ve been able to put in the microwave and your night might be dirty. But you can do it. 😄

My DH works away lot - prep is key. Sort out your meals, you need easy meals that you can prep single handedly, I used to buy those little microwave bags of veg so I could have it on the side of a ready meal or add to a bowl of pasta with some pesto. Get a takeaway one night (or two). Make sure you've got milk and bread in. Have a plan to get out regularly for a walk - are you going to any baby groups? I found them a lifesaver as otherwise I wouldn't have spoken to anyone apart from a baby for days on end. Easy outfits for both of you. Find something good to watch on TV, new babies can watch adult TV because they can't swear yet so that's fine. Drink water. As soon as he comes home, you chuck him the baby and go to bed or have a bath or go outside

Side note: I pumped for 4 weeks with DD2 and honestly it was horrendous, once I stopped I felt so much better, there was so much more time, even with formula feeding which every on MN thinks is a ginormous faff (it is not). It's not for everyone and if it's causing you stress or giving you another thing to worry about it's ok to bin it off or reduce what you're pumping.

You will be fine. As others have said I wouldn't pump,I did for the first couple of months and then mix fed- so much easier! Dont add that extra stress to yourself. Try bf if you want or formula but drop the pump. Definitely get out to baby groups- it helps sanity.

As others have suggested. Make yourself a plan for the week. Research baby and toddler groups/sessions and playgroups in your area and aim to do one a day. This will help you to build up your network. Don't just dismiss them after the first try either - you need to really give it time and the friendship network will develop and it sounds like you could really do with some friends also on the same journey. Getting out and about will be healthy for you and baby rather than stuck on the sofa in an endless cycle of pumping.

I would agree with others regarding the pumping, if you're having to do this just in order to then bottle feed the breast milk I would just switch to formula. And I say this as a mum who successfully breastfed my second child but not my first (we switched to formula after 10 hideous weeks of basically what you're describing). Good luck you can do this.

Do you need to be pumping?

I've got a 7 year old and 5 month old. My DH went abroad for work when the little one was 4 weeks old then 10 weeks old, for two weeks at a time both times.

It was not harder, just different - I actually really enjoyed it but did miss him. However, I don't have PND this time around. I know how debilitating it can be. Is there any family you can call on for help? Can your Mam come to stay with you for the week?

Can you go with him? If you (both) pay for your travel and meals, perhaps 7 days where he is going could be a mum and baby holiday? With DH there to help in evenings and mornings? Many companies would spring for a corporate serviced flat as accommodation so you would not be cooped up in a hotel room and, hello maid service!

First, pause and take a deep breath - you'll be fine. Tell yourself this repeatedly. It's 7 days... you've got this!

PND will make it harder to see this of course and it must seem so daunting right now.

It might be a tough week but you will get through it.

My youngest wanted to be held all the time so I did pretty much everything with her in a sling. Standards had to slide with some things but the essentials got done and we all got through it.