Partner and I disagreement on many parenting subjects.

[MissJLD]

I had my daughter at 18 she is now 15 & my partner came in to our lives when she was 5 years old we now also have an 8 year old son together.

He has worked away for going on 8 years now, meaning I have felt a little like a single mother being mum and dad throughout the week, good cop bad cop and trying to set boundaries has been a challenge.

my partner is now at home, and instilling new rules, and helping me set boundaries basically, because my son is becoming quite a nuisance with not listening and being quite rude to me. I appreciate the help completely however, My daughters best friend came over last night which I don’t have a problem with, they are well behaved and just sit in her bedroom talking, but my partner created an issue, because her friend was here past 8pm, both teenagers have a curfew of 9pm, and her being here is once in a blue moon.

My daughters friend was catching the 8.40 bus home, however my partner called me I’m a lazy parent because I hadn’t made sure she’d got the earlier bus.

I would much prefer my daughter and her friend to be safe and warm in my home until this time, than be out on the streets in the dark, potentially getting up to no good.

Although I appreciate his help with setting these new rules and boundaries, i feel like I have no say in anything and my opinion doesn’t matter.

all our arguments seem to be over the children, and it’s wearing us out. 9 times out of 10 I do agree with him, but the 1% I don’t, I just don’t seem to have any control over.

We have previously agreed to communicate better, but he likes to raise his voice and just speak over me, so I have to back down.

has anyone else been in this situation or do you think I’m wrong for letting my daughters friend stay over until 8.10pm?

TIA

I think you sound very sensible and your DP sounds unreasonable. What were his parents like growing up?

Your DP sounds like a mardy arse

Why do you appreciate his help in setting new rules? It doesn’t sound like you needed more rules.

This man might want to do more to get his son to respect his mother bro cause he your sons main role model, but it sounds like he’s belittling you instead, which will do the opposite of improving your sons attitude.

Dont let this man start causing problems for your dd now that he’s home and wants to start throwing his weight around. You were doing fine without him and would be better off continuing that way.

We have previously agreed to communicate better, but he likes to raise his voice and just speak over me, so I have to back down.

No. You do not have to back down. You’ve been parenting for a lot longer than he has.

Let him talk over you. And then ask him if he is quite finished. Then talk. And if he interrupts you again, let him, without saying a word. When he runs out of breath, say ‘As I was trying to say…’.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Until he actually lets you say your piece.

Why did you need new rules?

Your dh is back from 8 years working away. He is trying to become head of f the house hold by throwing away the rule book and putting his rules of the moment in place

Your ds has realised this so is acting up as children need consistency

Your dd has now also realised there are no rules. As her step father now just makes them up

He is creating a situation where you think you need him but it is him causing the situation

If you choose to spend 8 years away from the family then it is you who has to fit into the rhythm and rules of the family not the other way round

He is trying to control through fear but the children will just taking it as a green light to act up

Why is it a surprise to you that your ds is rude to you.

He is is just copying his fathers attitude to you.

Your partner is being really unreasonable here. Your DD's curfew is 9pm and friend was leaving in time to catch the 8.40pm bus so that's within curfew! And they were just sitting in her room chatting.

He shouldn't raise his voice and talk over you even if he's right (which he isn't in this case).

He's going to drive a wedge between you and your DD if he carries on being so heavy handed.

Would counselling be an option? He needs to communicate better so you can work as a team.

He doesn't get to decide how you parent your dd. My dh came into my dc's lives at 4, 6 and 7..we do discuss issues but I get the final say. Dh has no problem with that. We have a joint dc and make joint decisions..