Ex abandoned our children

[Itsthelittlethingz]

Hi all, how do some men just walk out of their kids lives and never look back? It's my twin's birthday tomorrow. They will be six. I've just finished setting everything up - the balloons, presents and cake. I should be happy. And a part of me is of course. But instead I can't help but be emotional. My heart feels like it's been ripped out. Their dad has not been in contact with them for 6 months now since he got in a relationship with a 16 year old girl. Which is sick as he is 31. Not sure even a text. How can he do this and still function... is he intentionally trying to cause pain. I have to explain to my children that he is never coming back when they ask for him and see their friends and cousins with their dads. My daughter draws pictures of him and makes cards for him 'cause she loves him' ...Leaving for a woman is one thing but sacrificing everything, his reputation his family, for 16yr old is crazy to me.

Happy Birthday to your twins for tomorrow- they will love what you have done for them.

It's really hard when you are a lone parent, especially Birthdays/school stuff etc. But it does get easier with time.

Your ex sounds like a right wanker. I'd maybe tell the kids that not everyone is a good parent. And that it's nothing to do with them, it's just the way it is. Reassure them that they are amazing, and very loved.

I'm not sure it's helpful to say he's never coming back (unless you mean to the home). He may start being less of a wanker in a few months, and will come to his senses and see them.

It does get easier with time, and it sounds like you are making the say special for them. Be proud that you can put them first and make them happy, even when things are difficult.

I would not have said he isn’t coming back, it’s only been 6 months that isn’t actually that long when it comes to an absent father. My ex was absent for 2 years but I wouldn’t have told the kids he was never coming back. If he is with a 16 year old I’m not sure I would want him around tbh! Their birthday is tomorrow so he may text tomorrow.

He is grooming a child. I wouldnt want him near my children.

Thanks all x

I can't allow him back as he has been in a relationship with a 16 year old which I have reason to believe began when she was 15. The police are investigating. I told them this as my daughter more so says she's 'been waiting and waiting for him' I feel like it's easier to believe they're not coming back than to know they're a 20 min drive away

I wouldn't allow contact without a court order from this point. Not only has he abandoned them but he is in an inappropriate relationship with a child.
I'm sure your twins will love their Birthday and everything you've done for them, try to put him out of your mind for now.

Sorry it's not that I want him to be around... I now cant, cause of what he's done. It just still hurts that he's done this. And it's difficult to navigate esp with the children. I only found out about the girl in the last past 4 weeks. Prior to that I thought he had just ghosted for no reason.

Thanks all I'm going to make sure they have a lovely time! We're really looking forward to it. I hope you know what I mean about the hurt it's at times like this it heightens

Honestly, and realise this is contentious, but I just think many fathers just don’t love (feel emotionally connected to) their kids the same way many mothers do.
So the answer is, he just doesn’t care.
There’s no feeling of remorse, or loss, or guilt and you can’t make him feel different.

in the uk 16 is the legal age of consent but anything below that is obviously unlawful and wrong. But because she is 16 legally he ain’t doing anting wrong