Ever want to be an 80s mum?

[Sheerdetermination]

I feel nostalgic for my childhood in the 80s and find myself fantasising about having the kind of motherhood my own mum enjoyed - being at home until I was 6, when she went back to work as a teacher. I just fancy pottering to the shops/post office/library/playgroup with my dc, rather than working 5 days a week (albeit fairly flexibly, so I can ‘live my dream’ from time to time).
Just curious, does anyone else feel like this?

I was that Mum and consider myself very lucky to have been able to take a ten year break from my career and still have been able to go on to achieve a very senior role in the years before I retired. I loved being a SAHM and feel very grateful for being able to spend so much time with my DC when they were preschoolers.

My mum was an 80s mum.

She took four years off to look after me and my brother but went back to work asap as we needed the money.

There was high unemployment, and she describes it as "grim times".

I think it’s the simplicity which is part of the appeal to me. And I know my mum was happy. Was your sister happy?

My mum did do all that and my dad did the DIY, the finances (but he didn’t hold the purse strings), gardening, and other matters. They had an equal partnership.
But I can see why your mum would have found her situation horrible, as you say. That sounds really tough and frustrating.

Yeah I don’t remember being played with either. Mum must have been too busy. The playing out was great.

Ah that’s sad. And interesting that you prioritise being at home after school. I’ll try and do the same as much as I can.

I was born in 82. My mum had to go back to uni when I was 6 weeks old as there was no option to take time out and she'd have failed the course otherwise.

It wasn't all great!

Sounds lovely for your daughter. Must have been tiring for you. My partner is a sahd, so I hope my dc will have as happy memories as yours - they do similar and I join when I can, working after bedtime to catch up etc. It’s tiring but I’m grateful I can be flexible.

My mum was back to work by the time I was 6 months old, I think your situation is more about your class or financial situation than just the decade.

Thankfully for me I have been able to access university and a career, not something my mum was encouraged to do, she was advised to leave school and get a job at 16, so no I will keep my career and motherhood journey for sure!!

How lovely. I’m glad you were able to enjoy it.

My mum was wiring two jobs in the 80s (one full time and then some nights) to make ends meet. When she gave birth to my brother she had to return to work 6 weeks later. Sadly not every woman had a lovely lifestyle.

I'd be very frustrated if the highlight of my day was a trip to the post office. I would feel that life was passing me by. And I think by the eighties, most mothers worked at least part time.

I was born in 82 and had 2 older siblings born late 70s.

My mum was a SAHM and had a very busy life as she had 3 kids all doing different activities, a big house and garden to maintain and my dad was away on business several times a year. We had a lovely childhood and she was always happy, engaged with us and enjoyed life. I don't know if it was to do with the 80s though or just our situation!

I'm a SAHM now after a 20 year career. I was more than happy to stop working for a few years! I'll go back when my child reaches primary age but I don't know as what yet.

My childhood was like yours OP, and yes I frequently wished I could give up work. I expect my DM found those years much harder than I did though! She had to give up work when she got pregnant and got no maternity pay nor benefits until the second child. She went back to work part-time when I was three (she was off much longer, I had older siblings) and returned to teaching but after a long break she had lost a lot of confidence.

I had twins in 1990 and my third child in 1994, so a bit outside the 1980s but a similar time. I stayed at home with my twins and when they were 2 started childminding and looked after a little girl until my daughter was born in 1994.

It was a wonderful time to be a SAHM, and a childminder for that matter. Childminding was regulated by the Local Authority, not Ofsted, and the expectation was that a childminder would provide a 'home from home' experience.

With 3 preschoolers there had to be a certain amount of structure to the day, but our days were often pretty much as described by the OP - lots of visits to parks, a local playgroup where parents had to help on a rota system, parent and child groups, shops, the library, activities and downtime at home. I didn't drive in those days so we walked everywhere, I was the fittest and slimmest I have ever been 🤣

My mum was a teacher in the 70s and 80s and I never saw her. I was raised by my Nan!

No not at all. Now that I have children I know that I have it far easier than my mum did and we have far more comfortable lives with many more opportunities. My mum used to work evenings so when my dad came home from work she'd be going out to start work.

I was 10 in 1980 and my mum had three jobs. When we were younger we had a babysitter to cover the period between us getting home from school and Dad getting home from work. He would cook our dinner and do bedtime. He also had a second weekend job to help make ends meet. Most of my friend's mums worked too.

Once I was at secondary school she went to college ( while still working evenings ) and got some qualifications which allowed her to get a much better paid job and eventually a very well paid career that she has now retired from.

I have been a SAHM for the whole of my DCs childhood after working in banking for 20 years. My sister has also chosen to be a SAHM. I wonder if it's because we saw how much of a slog it was for our mum who always seemed very stressed out trying to do it all.

I'm a sahm and I spend my days taking my dc to playgroup, swimming classes, music and gym classes. School run, running errands and doing chores around the house. Most shopping is done online so that's one less chore. DH shares the child care and chores when he is home from work. We get out and about a lot and there's plenty to do as we're in London. Lots of visits to the zoo, museums, theatre and other attractions.

I enjoy it. I like spending time with my dcs and planning my own time. I don't find it boring but it's tiring, especially when I have both dc in the school holidays. I think my dcs are happy that I'm able to do school pickups and they don't have to do after school care and holiday clubs (my eldest does them sometimes to hang out with friends but wouldn't want to do it every day). Financially money isn't tight so we can enjoy everything that is out there and aren't just scraping by. All money is joint and I pay for what we need without asking, I max out my pension and ISAs. I don't have plans to return to work.

I grew up in the 80s and my parents wfh, but largely left us 4 siblings to play on our own or out on the play area on the estate. I went to a local preschool which was free. They lived in London but mostly spent time going to places within walking distance. I go all over London now - buggies and public transport have improved).

Mmn, how I long to live in a time when I had fewer choices!

You could live like that now if you wanted - it's harder to live on one income but not impossible. Today's mums don't take kids round the shops because it's awful. They want a job because it's fulfilling and men are unreliable.

I don't think the 80s were what you imagine. For one thing, nuclear war was a constant threat.

My 80s Mum worked part time after her first child and then became a SAHM for some years after her second child was born. She never went back to any kind of career, taking low paid shop work etc once we were solidly in primary school. My parents divorced and now, nearing retirement, my Mum's financial position is pretty poor. I am grateful for the childhood we had but wish she had been able to find more fulfillment and security.

Many women may have been 'at home with the children ' but that doesn't mean they didn't work.
Mine did cleaning early morning and worked Saturdays. My mother in law gutted fish from 4am and did evenings in a chipper.

My friend's parents ran a pub and they were left in the house across the road and had to send the eldest to the pub in his pyjamas if anything was wrong.

Maybe there was a lovely middle class life but isn't that the same today?

Mine worked full time (single parent). I often wished she could have been at home more.

I think going part time is probably the best option for you OP. 3 days a week is perfect if you can afford it, I loved being part time (now full time again sadly!)

My DH's 80s Mum was also a SAHM for many years despite a maths degree from Oxford and many other wonderful talents. She has raised truly fabulous children and is an all round wonderful person, but she perceives herself as 'dull' compared to her conventionally high achieving husband and it continues to impact her self esteem. Again, not an enviable position.

Yes me too! I thought OP was referring to a time when there were fewer expectations for mums to be so involved in their young children’s lives: arranging play dates, ‘enriching’ extra curricular clubs and general helicopter parenting.

Sounds ideal to me. My mum did zilch (I mean apart from keeping me fed and clothed😭) and frequently had no idea where I was when I played out with friends. We played unsupervised in the park from about 7/8.

Now I’m run ragged dropping off/picking up my DC from activities and we accompany them everywhere (8 & 10 years old).