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8yo playing up at school

6 replies

Seadreamers · 08/11/2023 14:06

DS(8) and in y4 has always been well-behaved at school, tries hard, has lots of friends, generally always fine and never caused any problems.

However, during Oct half-term he started misbehaving- he did a club with a friend Mon/Tues and all was fine, then from the Wednesday onwards he turned into a rude, sneering, mimicking, awful child. Almost nothing nice came out of his mouth. He also started hitting me but not his DF sometimes if he didn’t get his own way. He has got a bit better since he went back to school. We have been trying to crack down hard on these behaviours.

I asked the teacher how is his behaviour at school as he’s been challenging at home. Turns out he has started misbehaving there too - talking in class, not focusing on his work, playing a game with another pupil instead of listening/doing work, being silly all the time etc. The PE teacher and playground lunchtime staff have all commented the same apparently, and how it is so out of character for him.

His teacher and his DF and I have all spoken to him about his behaviour, what they expectations are, is anything worrying you etc. All he can say is that he’s upset because some other pupils criticised his school work.

Aside from constantly reiterating good behaviour, talking about feelings etc, what else can we do at home? He is currently banned off all screens for November due to his behaviour and hitting me. I’ve suggested to his teacher that the family worker that the school has talk to him but she has ignored that question in her reply. We are so cross with him and the teacher seems to come across that at home we can wave a magic wand and make him behave at school 😩

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savoycabbage · 08/11/2023 15:55

So, in half term he went to a club on Monday and Tuesday and on Wednesday his behaviour completely changed?

Can you speak to anyone at this club to see if anything happened there?

I'd go somewhere in the car and start a conversation with him because I'd be concerned that something has happened at the club.

Lammveg · 08/11/2023 15:59

I agree with PP and that was my first thought too.

Seadreamers · 08/11/2023 16:15

@Lammveg @savoycabbage I have been wondering this as he was adamant when it finished that he doesn’t want to go back to the club again (it’s on again in Feb and his friend wants to go) saying it was too long and boring. I have tried to ask him again today, in a roundabout way as I don’t want to put words in his mouth, what it was he didn’t like and he repeated the above.

I asked what the other kids were like (only 14 total) and he said some nice, some weren’t and kept hitting. He was hit in the back by an older child he said, and he told the staff and they didn’t do anything. It was run by 4 women and it’s a well-known local theatre company. I asked if he used the toilet alone and he said yes, no one was ever in the toilets with him (it was all girls bar one other boy).

Will do some more digging I guess and will ask his friend’s mum (also my friend) if she’s heard anything untoward.

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mikado1 · 08/11/2023 16:30

Yes, echoing PPs, has something happened? Also wondering how long the behaviour is going on in school, as sounds like teacher only brought it up because you asked. I would go down the open and supportive route as this is so new and out of the ordinary and wouldn't be banning things etc, I feel a child who is happy and well wouldn't be doing these things so something is going on for him. Equally, are school also punishing or trying to get to the bottom of it?

Seadreamers · 08/11/2023 22:22

@mikado1 the teacher wants to get to the bottom of it, not punish, and it’s been going on since they weren’t back to school last week.

On the way to Cubs today I tried to talk to him again to see if anything was bothering him and he suddenly said I’ll talk to you when we get back home, not out in the street now, but when we got home he said it doesn’t matter and wouldn’t say anything.

He has also started an anxiety behaviour that occurred towards the end of the second lockdown for many months of refusing to go upstairs to the toilet without either his DF or I being either outside the door or at the bottom of the stairs. He gets really distressed if we say you’re fine to go up by yourself, and he says he’s scared but he can’t say what of. So, something is not right with him ☹️

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mikado1 · 08/11/2023 22:32

Something definitely not right so.. wouldn't be worth saying to him 'You were going to say something to me but then you didn't feel able, maybe you could write me a note or draw a picture?' Sounds like it if you push it at all, not saying you're being pushy but in his mind, he's resisting further..

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