If you had/have a quite & shy DC - how long to settle at nursery?

[Inyourwildestdreams]

DS starts in January (3yo) and I’m dreading it 😔 He’s really just not a fan of other kids at all. We have no other children in the family at all and relocated to a new area so have no local friends. I take him to toddler groups etc 3 days per week. He’s looked after by family at the moment while I work.

We’ve been for a few little stay & play sessions at the nursery prior to him starting in January and he was just so so quiet. All the staff were commenting on how much of a quiet little boy he was. He’s not, he’s an absolute live wire and has always been very advanced with speech. He just looked scared the whole time each time we were there 😔 he didn’t want to play with anything or anyone, he just wandered round completely ignoring all the staff etc when they tried to interact with him 😔

I know it’s all new and it’ll take him a while to settle but I’m starting to feel physically sick at the thought of leaving him there and him being uncomfortable 😔 My own parents were very emotionally distant. I had everything I needed physically but I wasn’t hugged or listened to as a child and I choose to do things very differently with my own child.
The thought of having to leave him and him being upset is awful 😔 I know that nursery will be the best thing for him and will help build his confidence and relationships with other kids.

Please give me your positive stories. If your child was/is shy and quiet around other kids, how long did it take them to settle? 😬

Aged 9 months 1h completely fine
Aged 2 same child 6 sessions then pulled from my arms for the first month

The first 20minutes of each settling in session was the worst. The first one she didn't move from my knee. Then next one she sat next to me. The third she was happy to play next to me and I sat outside for the last 10 minutes. The fourth fifth she did 20 minutes on her own and the last I was with her for just the first 5 minutes. The last 3 sessions were all in the same week at the start of the week we were discussing reducing her hours but she coped really well.

A house moved triggered the nursery move and I had her first week of nursery off work for dealing with house stuff. I told nursery that they could call me at any time but they said as soon as breakfast was in front her she was fine again.

She's been there over a year now and whilst shy in new situations is a more lively the rest of the time.

3 sessions
At first she wandered around looking sad and frightened and wouldn't talk to anyone or play with anything, she wouldn't eat snack and came out hungry and sad. I felt awful, like I was abandoning her, but wanted to give her longer to see if she would come around to it.
She seemed to just be shocked by everything being completely different and it took a little while for her to adjust.
On the third session one of the care workers read her favourite book to a small group in the story corner and she went and sat down to listen. She had sat with another little girl who then took her over to the play kitchen with her and she was totally fine after that.
Came home happy, her and the other girl were in on the same days and the staff sat them together for snack time. She made other friends too and maybe 3 weeks in they saw all of her personality all the time and we got lovely messages about her being happy, playing with everyone, being chatty and sweet etc.
Its a big adjustment for some kids but there is every chance ypurs will be fine once he settles properly

@Superscientist @Ghostlight Thank you both for your stories. I’m really trying to not let my anxiety rub off on him so I’m being really positive about it to him etc obviously, but I’m absolutely dreading it in reality 😬
I know it’ll do him the world of good. I just hate the thought of him feeling scared 😔

My DD is 2 and we’re about 2 and a half months in (2 days a week) and we’re only just not having tears every drop off. She was like your boy, absolutely not enthused by other kids at all, in fact had major tantrums when they came near her at the park or playgroups. Now she can tolerate others in those settings and talks about her friends at nursery. Settling in was the worst and those days where she isn’t herself and still has to be peeled off me is heartbreaking but it’s worth it to see her develop so much.

4.5YO never settled at nursery during her 2 years there.
Never really settled at preschool although it was hit and miss.
Now not really settling into reception although better than previous years, still have tears every other morning but once in seems to settle.

@DaftyInTheMiddle Thank you. This is what I’m dreading. I know it’s for the best for him but I genuinely don’t know if I can walk away from him if hes upset and leave him there.
He’ll be in nursery on my work days. I’ve managed to save annual leave and take the first 3 weeks off work when he starts so that I’m available if I’m needed but beyond that I need to drop off and go to work.

@Littleguggi that sounds really hard 😔

I've accepted that that's just her and she won't ever really settle anywhere other than home or when she's with her family. She will be that child in the playground still crying about going to school when in year 5/6, I can just see it!