Wanting to give up bf at 9 months

[DaphneFrances]

My son is nearly 10 months and I’d really like to stop exclusively breastfeeding or combi feed with formula. I exclusively bf my first son for 12 months and he never slept well until 11 months. 9 months after stopping bf I had my 2nd son who has also been exclusively bf no bottle has ever touched his lips before today. I have no family to have them, it’s just me and my partner who is currently sleeping in my 2y olds room to stop him waking up every hour.

After having lots of miscarriages I treasured every second with my first and never let the tiredness get to me even though I had a 2 yo old as my niece lives with us. This time with 3 kids I’m finding myself really snappy lately, my baby is up every hour and has to be fed to sleep. Im absolutely drained. I hate self pity but for the sake of my kids so I’m not one moody mummy I know I’d like to stop exclusively bf. I can’t really get him in a routine as I’m doing the school run every day so for a good hour in the morning and afternoon there’s no way I can settle him or keep him asleep.

I’ve tried today to get him to have a bottle of formula and felt incredibly guilty. At first he just played with it and then kept routing for the breast. I thought about trying a sippy cup which he has water in for meals but he won’t get the comfort.

I will add one way or another I intend to stop at 12 months latest as I go back to work and I feel uncomfortable at that stage.

Im just looking for advice has anyone been through this or is it impossible, do I just keep feeding him another 2 months? If you’ve come to judge my choices or throw hindsight don’t bother I’m one tired mummy and just want everyone to be happy

I stopped breastfeeding at 10 months not through choice. I had to move on to meds I couldn't breastfed on.
We had been trying to get her on to formula combi feeding for 2 months but she developed a severe bottle aversion after her GP prescribed a formula she was allergic too and she had a reaction.
We tried to see with medical advice if she could sustain herself with food alon as at the time she wasn't sustaining herself with breastmilk and food this was a non starter. She barely ate.
In the end I went into hospital and she stayed at home with dad to try to get her on formula without the yummy boobs about. She went 26h without a drink (pretty of fluid through foods though) then she took the bottle. She was then formula fed for another 14 months stopping when she turned 2.

Breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I have done and I would say that stopping was the second. After the first week, it was clear that it was the right thing to do. I was starting to see some benefits of the new medication and my daughter was thriving on the formula as much as she did on breast milk. I went home a few days later and she didn't ask for the breast at all and even accepted the odd bottle from me. My partner took the lead during the first week so she knew it was just the bottle on offer.

I wish we had got combifeeding to work. I think it would have released the pressure on me and I might have got so ill that I needed to change my meds and go into hospital.

Breastmilk is brilliant. If you can manage a feed, a day, a week, a month or 6 or 9 or 42 months you are bloody amazing. In the times when breastfeeding doesn't work or isn't right for you formula is a pretty decent alternative. My dad was a tiny prem weighing just 1kg in the 60s and he was fed condensed milk as he needed extra calories that formula couldn't offer and my nan had no milk due to being sent home to grieve for her son born of the edge of life! It's mad to think of that happening now but my dad exceeded expectations and thrived on his condensed milks. (Disclaimer don't feed babies condensed milk!)

Wasn’t too bad stopping with my first I went to work and he went to nursery so it just happened. Trouble is trying to stop early 🤔

maybe need to get the oh to try feeding the bottle

Your problem is that he's expecting to sleep with a boob in his mouth as that's how he always goes to sleep. He thinks he needs it to sleep.

I'd sleep train using however gentle a method you prefer to break the connection with breastfeeding and sleep. Your partner will need to step up to help, maybe take a few days off work.

Whether you stop bf in the day is up to you, I dropped to only feeding after meals then dropped those, but DC were a bit older and solids more established.

There's no hard evidence that formula improves sleep so I wouldn't rely on it as a solution.

I totally understand formulas not the be all and end all for sleep and you’re right I do need to work on his sleep big time. But I think his need to bf to sleep has not helped with how I’m feeling in general (extremely touched out and frustrated) therefore has led me to want to stop for me. Sleep training my first one was hard and although I’ve tried to get my head in the game to do it this time I’m falling asleep feeding him in the night. So maybe in the back of my mind I’m looking for an easy way out.

oh is up with my 2 year old a lot and doesn’t have leave left I wouldn’t ever expect him to help me with this I just need to get on with it.

youre right though I probably need to sort out his sleep and then decide if I want to continue bf until 12 months it’s not fair on him to do both at once

I stopped at 7 months with both babies. I felt I gave them a good start by exclusively breast feeding and they were both eating solids so getting plenty of nutrients that way. I just wanted my body back really. I really admire women who breastfeed for two years or whatever but I always knew it wasn't for me. Once they got used to formula from a bottle they seemed to prefer it. I've no regrets. At 10 months you've done well and it's fine to reduce breast feeding now.

Thanks for this. I’ve loved feeding my boys, but was well ready when I stopped with my first and I feel like that’s just come a bit early this time. But then I have got another 2 kids fighting for my attention so it’s overwhelming at times. I’ve been thinking for weeks only another few months to go. Then it suddenly clicked that if I’m feeling that way maybe it’s time to stop, a few months is still a long time!

Hello I ended BFing at 9 months with both mine! I found it was a really good time to do it as they were much more receptive to a bottle once they were eating and drinking lots of different things. They both adored their bottles and used them for comfort at night, we let them have them way past 12 months! My daughter in particular was a great sleeper when she got onto bottles. Everyone's experience is different, I found BFing really handy but when they were a bit bigger (with more teeth!), I just felt it was the right time to let my body return to a non lactating state and get back to myself. Massive respect to all the ladies who keep going for longer though!

Your problem is not breastfeeding as such as a poor sleep habit. I did a variation of controlled crying with both my children while exclusively breastfeeding. I got the method from Baby Wisperer Solves All Your Problems book. The method: you observe your child for signs of tiredness. It would be rubbing their eyes and pulling on their hair at 9 months. You promptly take them to a quiet dark place and put them down. When they cry you wait for a historical note in their cry. Then you pick them up and calm them down (no feeding). If they stop crying the second you pick them up - you picked up too soon. As soon as they have calmed down you put them down again. Repeat till they fall asleep. I know it sounds cruel. However you child knows you are there, so they are crying out of frustration rather than from being scared as in the standard controlled crying method. I have to say one must be pretty desperate to try this method (as I once was, being woken up every 1-2 hours for 7 months). This method is not suitable for babies under 3 months. However it only took 3 nights to get my 7 months old to learn to sleep without breastfeeding and he slept reasonable hours, at least 8. He also seemed a lot happier during the day.

God no, 9 months is plenty. Mine were eating spaghetti bolognese and licking the floor at that age. He’s probably desperate for a sandwich!

The teeth really haven’t helped he bites at random! I was kind of hoping the same about the bottles being a comfort if we are out and about and I can’t stop to bf for a certain time

😂 sorry by exclusively I mean he’s eating solids but he doesn’t have bottle or formula

Yes and no, sleep is my biggest problem but I feel ready to stop. But yes they are 2 separate problems. I need to find time to have a good look at sleep training and see what’s going to work best. I need to stop feeding him in my bed at night for a start as I drift off. Thank you

Completely valid reason to stop (not that there are any "bad" reasons!)

It's a bit more expensive but if you're looking for more minutes in the day you can use ready-made formula. It was a life-saver for me.

Has dc tried solids yet? At that age they can also have little sips of water or something to get used to the bottle.

Good luck x

Thank you can’t help but feel guilty enough to him but I’d rather that than be grumpy.

yes I should have said that really when I say exclusively bf I mean he’s not on formula and I’ve never pumped so he’s never had bottles. He eats 3 meals a day and has water in a sippy cup with them. I read on another thread someone gave formula in a sippy cup after meals so thinking of trying that

That's a good idea if he's more used to the sippy cup

Just do what suits you. Different for me in that both mine were also used to the bottle from being about 2 weeks old. When I wanted to stop breastfeeding both times I just gradually weaned them on to formula so one extra bottle each week or so until all the feeds were formula. DC1 was full on formula at 12 weeks and DC2 at 10 months. Didn't have any problems either time and didn't care what anyone else thought (although tbh both times around me people were mostly just pushing me to quit and formula feed rather than the other way around!).

I stopped much earlier with my second than my first. Like years earlier. You have nothing to feel guilty about, every child is different and they will have different experiences and different aspects of you. That is just life, and it's OK :)

I think if you're wanting to introduce formula at this stage, I wouldn't try to do it as a direct replacement of the breast kind of thing - I'd introduce it as a new and different thing. Try sippy cups, try it warm, try it made up and cooled, and try offering it at different points in the day rather than offering when you would usually BF, then once he's happily taking the formula you know that you can cut out/down on the breastfeeding at whichever feed you want to without worrying that he's losing out on anything nutritionally.

If he really won't take the formula, try full fat cow's milk. Replacing some breastfeeds with cow's milk is not a problem at 10 months old.

The ready made stuff might actually work out more economic if it's only one bottle a day. You are supposed to throw a tin away once it's been open for 4 weeks, and when DS2 was very little he was having top ups and we wouldn't have used a whole tin in less than 4 weeks.

I gave up at 8 weeks and felt no guilt whatsoever. No judgement from me. Well done to make it so far!

Whatever choice works for you is ok. Please don't feel guilty.

You have done brilliantly to breastfeed so long. Your baby is not going to be disadvantaged in the slightest by you stopping slightly sooner than planned.

excellent advice, thank you

By 10 months I was down to 4 feeds a day, first and last thing, mid-morning and mid-afternoon. I night weaned with sleep training so could stop feeding overnight but without having to go through the hassle of getting her to take a bottle.

At 11 months the 11am-ish feed became a snack and at 12 months same for the 3pm-ish one so I could go back to work still without bottle faff.

Then I stopped entirely at 14 months swapping the evening then a month later the morning one for a cup of cow's milk.

Absolutely fine to move to formula of course, but it's a lot of work of they don't take a bottle already for just a short time.