DD doesn't like playing in her room by herself

[Mamabear04]

DD has just turned 4 years old and doesn't like playing in her room because she doesn't like to be by herself. Her bedroom is upstairs and for ease I've always allowed toys in the livingroom. It means I can get on with cooking and cleaning while keeping an eye on her and her little brother. It's been working fine until now but it's just been her birthday and she was given so many toys that we are overrun and the place feels like a nursery! It's gotten to be too much. So how do I get her to keep her toys in her room but also make her comfortable enough to play there without me having to be upstairs all the time?

I think this is normal for her age, so rather than try to get her to play on her own I would direct your energies to the toy management situation. Maybe she can bring her toys downstairs if she wants to, but you have "tidy up time" at the end of the day and she carries them back up to her room (with help from you if necessary)? Then the living room is clear for you to have adult time in the evenings.

My kids are 6 and almost 3 and even my oldest won't voluntarily play upstairs alone in his room.

4 is very little to be comfortable playing alone and I'm afraid I think your expectations are the problem, not your DD.

Buy an attractive ottoman with storage (or something) for the living room and tell her that she's allowed a limited number of toys (maybe 5-10 depending on size) downstairs at once. Make counting them and tidying up a game, and keep your daughter with you.

FWIW we have a 3.5 y gap between ours and my oldest has definitely felt sad at times that the younger sibling was more loved/ got more attention/ was the one we were more worried about... I think sending your DD away to be alone in her room is going to cause real issues between them in future because she'll resent him for being allowed to stay with you.

Best of luck.

She’s too young. Tidy up and do toy rotation; regift or donate some toys you don’t need

My dd wouldn’t go upstairs to play on her own until she was 13!

Buy a soft trug, ask her to fill with the toys she wants to play with that day. Easy for you to carry and for her to fill.

How old is the little brother? There were some toys that I insisted had to stay in her room because they were choking hazards to her baby/young toddler brother- sylvanians, lego (not duplo) and the dolls house to name a few. Then she wanted to play with those so would happily go upstairs. She also likes colouring in her room because it’s more peaceful so she had a desk with some basic art supplies from about 4 years old.

Exactly what everyone else is saying, the toys might live in her room but she can play with them downstairs. You might want her to take things upstairs before bringing more stuff down.

A daily routine of tidying is a massive benefit to children. Mine had a playroom yet toys still came into the lounge but a daily tidy meant the lounge returned to what it was and the children (20 and 17) have tidy rooms as default. Everything was always put away.

Just to be clear I don't want DD to play upstairs in her room if she's not comfortable. I had thought that maybe bringing some toys downstairs for the day would work. I have an IKEA bookcase in the livingroom and the bottom part of it is filled with boxes of toys but it's just now we have all the baby toys for her little brother (15m) and then a plethora of older toys that have just appeared overnight! Thanks for all your suggestions, think I need to buy more storage for her room and a wee basket to fill each day for toys to bring downstairs!

My DD is nearly 6 and has recently just started to play in her room on her own so it might be a matter of time.

My 4 and half year old never plays in her room on her own. She barely plays in the playroom on her own. And generally fetches her toys to play in whatever room I'm in. Our proviso is she tidies them away at the end of the day

I wouldn't expect a child to want to be alone in their bedroom until they are a teen, when they disappear in and only come out for school and food.

Not too difficult for her to understand she needs to take X back to her bedroom before getting anything else out though.

Half a bookcase doesn’t sound like enough if you have two dc at different stages. Mine are teens now but we still have a full height billy with Lego and games. Used to be two full height Billy’s and big stuff elsewhere.

We have the Ikea storage cubes with the boxes so it’s easy to bring them done and rotate toys around and chuck the stuff back in at the end of the day

She's only 4!!! Who makes a four year old child play in their bedroom? Bedrooms are for sleeping in.. for comfort and to feel safe and secure.. get her a basket and let her choose toys daily to bring down and play.. or get storage. My daughter has storage downstairs for toys/ books/ board games/ crafts etc and her son is eight.
I had same for my daughters. Toy boxes and storage. Which child wants to play on their own in their bedroom? It can be a lonely isolated place.
Very cruel.

She wants to interact OP. This is normal and vital.

Just rotate the toys downstairs.

Its 14 year olds that want to be alone in their rooms, not 4 year olds.

In my opinion the problem is not her not wanting her to be in her room it's that you have got too many toys!

It happens because people go crazy with buying gifts for them - I know!! I felt terrible but it drove me mad as they didn't appreciate anything as it was all too much! It's all part of the commercialised world that we live in and of course people just want to be kind and it's lovely but a shame to need to alter your home life around it.

I would declutter - even the new stuff or at least store in the loft and rotate.

Don't force her to her room - they are little for such a short time and it's such a blessing for them to be near you and want to be.. I still engineer things so my teenagers have their stuff downstairs a which is now really just an Xbox and a table tennis table.

They want to be off with their friends so much when they get older you will miss them being around your feet! Embrace it but NOT the amount of stuff - you can have one without the other! x

My children are 5 and 8 and neither of them like playing in their rooms by themselves. I’m sure I did at their age, but they literally never do it.

Mine only started being happy playing in a room by herself once she had a screen to play on at eight. And she still doesn't like being on a different floor to us.

I wouldn’t be leaving a 4 year old alone upstairs!!!!
Have some storage boxes and rotate the toys downstairs but have tidy up time. She’ll be doing this at school so good to start now.

Young Chn shouldn’t be on screens alone in their room either!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Not even all teens want to be alone. Only one of mine likes being in their room, the others much prefer to be near people.