I'm terrible at being a mother

[BerryTree]

I was late bringing my daughter (22 months old) to her doctors appointment this morning so we missed it. I'm always late taking her to things, I feel like such a sorry excuse for a mother, other people manage this with multiple children but I only have one and I'm useless.

I feel so hopeless, I've always had difficulty organising things and no matter what I do I can't seem to get better. My house is a mess too, I'm always running around doing things and yet somehow nothing is done😭.

I don't know why I'm posting this, I just feel so upset and angry with myself right now.

If it's a pattern since childhood look at Executive Dysfunction very common although rarely picked up in the past.

Look at coping strategies used by those with ADHD. Timers for everything, set watches 10minutes fast.
Identify why you were late and put things in place - were you looking for clothes / ironing - get them ready the night before, was it food related - keep suitable snacks for you and DD in your bag so you can both munch on the go if necessary.

Once you work out where the issue lies you'll manage better. I say this as someone who is/was always late to everything too but DD hates being late so I have to put things in place to avoid it . I always underestimated how long journeys take and used to leave on time not factoring in journey issues like roadworks but I'm getting better

Give yourself a break! 22 months is a full on age. I'm sure other people are struggling more than they appear to be.

When you are running around doing things are you doing one sustained chore or getting distracted and half doing several ( which I am also guilty of)?

I often feel I’m lacking as a mum but then I look at my 3 dds who are 12-15 and they are amazing so I must be doing something right. Try to work on being early for important things and try to enjoy your dd. She needs the basics and lots of love so don’t over complicate her needs, just smile and show her you like being with her.

My former boss said to me that I might have adhd but I felt quite insulted at the time. To be honest I'm a terrible employee as well, no matter how hard I try. I can't really think of anything I'm good at. I'm a scatter brain. I'm definitely not hyperactive though.

I will intend to start one thing and then end up doing other things and I never remember how I got there. An example recently is that rather than just cleaning the bathroom I regrouted it.

I do love my daughter so much I need to try harder. They gave her another appointment on Friday but I've already forgotten the time so will have to phone them and ask.

@BerryTree were you aware that there are different types of ADHD? Most women who have it are diagnosed as ADD which is Attention Deficit Disorder and presents just like you have described. Rarely diagnosed when we were at school and most women now get a diagnosis when their children do as they recognize the signs.

There are also plenty of people who have Executive Dysfunction and don't know about too. You don't need to get a diagnosis if you don't want to but look up both conditions and put some of the coping strategies in place to help you.

When you get an appointment put it straight in your phone calendar whilst you are stood there to avoid missing it.

I use my Google calendar for everything. I put an event in as soon as I am told about it otherwise I forget to put it in and I set reminders ten minutes before the time I need to leave the house. You can also have your daily agendas sent to you first thing in the morning which I find very useful as it just jogs my memory for what I have to do each day. I also put things a couple of days before where I need to remember something before the event like getting a present otherwise it's a panic on the day. I would ask for a clarification email/text for appointments as this helps a lot. I also colour code so I know if it's for me my son or my other half. It doesn't always work for me but it definitely helps a lot so it might help you too.

Oh OP, I think we would get on! My house is a mess and rather than give everywhere a good once over, I end up clearing out and reorganising my kitchen cupboards. I took my son for his nasal flu spray thing and went on the wrong day. When pregnant with my son, I went to the wrong hospital for one of my scans. These things happen to everyone, but people just don't post the mess and the mix ups on Facebook. Whether you have a clean kitchen or not, the world keeps turning so you just have to move on to the next thing.

I saw something online that really resonated which was "I signed up to make sure my children always have clean clothes - I never signed up to making sure they never had dirty ones". There will always be more mess. That's part of life. It'll all get done eventually.

I'm the queen of procrastination and chaos, BUT that is no reflection on what kind of a mother I am. My children are fed, cared for, tucked into a warm bed every night with a story and a kiss, we play, we read, we go out to play, we have playdates, we see family. The rest of the stuff gets done eventually. Cut yourself some slack.