Am I doing something wrong with my baby?

[allenginesgo]

Just wanted some honest opinions here.

I have a 9 week old. She is ebf.
In my Nct group people are saying that their babies if similar ages are sleeping through or at least doing 6-8 hour stretches between feeds.

Mine is still waking for a feed 2 hourly which is basically what she's been doing since she was born, it's never got any longer.

I don't mind as I know baby's need regular feeding but I can't help wonder if other babies are going so much longer, am I missing something? Should I be trying to encourage her to go longer or something?!

I thought all NCT babies slept through from birth 🤣 ignore them, your baby knows when it’s hungry.

Sounds normal. Is anyone else ebf in the nct group? If not, you will need other bf mums to chat with. Try a breastfeeding cafe? And congratulations for sticking with bf!

My first also didn't get the message. Her sleeps gradually got longer until she finally did. My second did, until he forgot the message at 6 months old, and started waking every 90 minutes for the next two months... then it all got gradually longer again.

Honestly, don't worry. You're not doing anything wrong, nor could you do anything differently. You're responding to your baby's needs, and that's all you can do at this stage. It will get better, it just takes time.

No, your baby is normal.
also, the frequent waking is a preventative for SIDS . Don’t worry about what others are doing. Also, a lot of them lie. Women often say baby sleeps through but are actually waking frequently to have a dummy put back in or some other form of settling

You've got to learn pretty quickly to ignore most of what other parents say to you especially when it comes to feeding, sleeping and reaching milestones. If you are happy and baby is happy you are doing well.

Sounds pretty normal (both the 2 hourly feeds and the being freaked out by what others are saying).

Every baby is different.
My first fed every 30 mins-1hour due to reflux, tongue tie and CMPA for the first 6 months.
my second now feeds every few hours and sleeps for 4-6 hours + at night. I was so used to the first set of behaviours I thought something might be wrong at first with my second.
No difference in parenting, just different needs for each baby.
Look up the beyond sleep training project. Gave me a lot of useful information on biologically normal baby needs and sleep habits.

Sleeping that long at that age is definitely not the norm especially with a breastfed baby.

Keep responding to your baby as you are and trust your instincts.

Very hard when everyone else's baby seems to be sleeping through so try not to feel disheartened that your baby isn't sleeping as long. Every baby is different as are their sleep needs.

Always remember that everything is a phase though, so their babies might be sleeping that long now but by 4 months their sleep cycles change and it could all change.

I found aswell that people would always say their baby slept better in a group but 1 on 1 they were a bit more honest about their babies actual sleep

Ah this is so reassuring thank you everyone. I don't know if they are being truthful or not and obviously if they are being honest that's great for them!
(Ngl I am a bit jealous! )
I'm struggling with sleep deprivation so good to know it's normal and just a matter of time

Op my ebf baby is 8 months today and has had two 8 hour sleeps in his life 🤣very much a 3 feed a night kind of baby, sometimes more. I’d be very surprised if all the other babies are actually sleeping through, but even if they are, it’s very normal that your baby isn’t!

Your NCT group might have fallen into collective collusion where everyone thinks they are the only one, and they're nodding along to oh yes, sleeping through, absolutely, while privately feeling like a total failure.

Or perhaps they have a different definition of sleeping through the night to you.

It's very unusual for a baby to sleep through at this age. So it would be unlikely for all babies in a group except one to do it.

Oh, or they are about to have a very rude awakening at 3-4 months when their sleep cycles change! I seem to remember my first doing longer stretches by 7 weeks and then at 16 weeks right on cue it all went to pot and he never slept through again!

@BertieBotts
Thank you. I should have been more clear I'm not sure if it's everyone in my group. But the ones speaking out all seem to be saying 6 hours or more!
Amazing!

It was normal for my DS to sleep 6-8 hours at night from about 5 weeks old BUT he was a big baby and I introduced a gentle routine at 2 weeks which got him into that pattern. The only other mums I know whose babies were similar were doing the same routine as me. I didn't meet any doing baby led approach whose babies slept more than a couple hours so I'd say you're normal.

I have my fifth EBF newborn right now. Out of those, four were eating every 90m - 2hrs at that age and the one who was actually doing 6hr stretches was hit really hard by the four month sleep regression and it was all over then. If they are sleeping that well it’s just a fluke, not something they’re doing “right” that you aren’t doing. It’s much more normal for an infant to wake frequently.

@TMess
Thank you that's so reassuring to hear!

All babies are different but you have to be extremely lucky to have one that sleeps through the night.

My eldest was up every 2 hours at by the time I fed, change and held her upright for 30 minutes (reflux) I'd get 45 minutes to sleep/eat/showebefore the next round. She started sleeping through around 1 year only.

My youngest would sleep 4 hours as a baby. She had no issues with reflux or colic. But she is 3 and a half and is only sleeping through now. Not long ago she was up hourly.

Take the NCT /baby group mums with a pinch of salt. Everyone was sleeping through, rolling ect. Some were so advanced they understood several languages at this stage. It's ridiculous. Find a nice bunch that isn't trying to blow smoke up your arse.

At that age I had one that went 4 hourly, one that went for a maximum of 90 minutes and one that went a more common 2-3 hours. Night wakings are entirely normal for tiny babies .

Oh they are so small there plenty of time for development leaps to ruin your friends babies sleep!

Some of the best sleepers at 2 months from my NCT group had the worst time with the 4 month sleep regression. My colleagues second child was a dream sleeper up to 4 months and was then a terrible sleep up to 2 maybe longer.

My daughter had severe reflux and food allergies and this has always had a big impact on her sleep. She's 3 now and just coming out of bad reflux flare up and has been awake frequently every night since August.

If you are having a particularly bad time with sleep I would look into the other symptoms of silent reflux and this in my experience is a common cause of terrible sleep. Obviously there are lots of the causes too but this is one I see quite frequently

Mine are older now but I still remember the sage advice from a mum of four to a new mum at a bf group. "yeah, people chat shit"

2 hourly wake ups is perfectly normal at this age, not much fun for us. Can you maximise the sleep you get in other ways? Nap when baby does or have someone take him downstairs whilst you get a longer stretch?

I recently had a conversation with a mum about YouTube. She started the conversation how horrid it is and terrible for children and ended the conversation saying she paid for the premium account so she could set her children a playlist.

@Superscientist 😂😂😂

Totally normal and I also found some of my nct friends blatantly lied about sleep. One told us her baby slept through 7-7 then two days later said she was having two feeds a night. Apparently she didn't count "waking up for a feed" as "waking up". Others also contradicted themselves or obviously exaggerated. I learned very quickly to take everything other mothers say with a pinch of salt. 9 weeks is still so tiny, it's totally normal for them to be up every couple of hours at that age

It’s nothing you’re doing, it’s just babies. My first hated being in her cot, didn’t consistently sleep through til she was 1. Didn’t do anything at all different with my 2nd but he’s just always naturally fallen asleep much easier, happy to be put down in his cot and from about 10 weeks gradually started having longer stretches at night and now usually sleeps through 10-7. It’s absolutely luck of the draw imo

I never quite got these competitive ‘my brand new baby does everything according to strict excel spreadsheet’ types. I loved the chaotic hazy lazy sleep-deprived days with all my babies - they slept next to me in bed and breast fed and suckled whenever they liked. I was exhausted but happy (I may, of course, have nostalgically removed the memory of the worst of it) - I know I hardly got dressed the first few weeks/months.

Going to baby groups was the real mind-fuck though - all these aggressively organised and totally clued up young women with their minute to minute schedules. I used to naively wonder why their babies were so regimented, talking so precisely about the ‘last bottle at 7pm’ when mine wanted their feeds and sleeps at random times and random quantities.

I realise now that they didn’t have the luxury of the ‘go with flow’ approach for whatever reason. Maybe uptight, maybe crap partner, maybe insecure, maybe peer pressure. Who knows? But I feel sorry for them now. I thought at the time that these first time mothers were so much better and more instinctive than me - it’s possible, seeing things in hindsight, that they were actually totally the opposite.