3 kids after 35

[LaVitesse2022]

Curious to hear people's experiences of having 3 children after 35. I'm currently 35 and had my first child a month ago through c-section. Ideally would like 2 more but not sure if age gaps would work. Thinking particularly about recommended time to get pregnant after c-sections (would very likely have another for next birth), saving up for mat leave, and paying for more than a set of childcare fees. How did you navigate all of this if you're first was born after 35?

bump

Hi Op, congrats on your baby :)

Sorry not exactly what you’re looking for as I’m currently 35 and about to have my second section this month.

My advice at this time would be to keep an open mind about wanting 3 kids.

Even if I take away other factors (eg I will struggle to cover 2 lots of nursery fees for year), being pregnant with a 2/3 year old to look after has been horrendous. I didn’t even get really sick, just really nauseaus, but I wanted to throw up even with little things like my son wanting me to read him a book during first trimester. Second trimester was a bit better but I soon became too big to do things like soft play with him. Third trimester I’m struggling with painful hips and sleep and I feel guilty about not being able to do more things with him.

He also is a challenging age with independence, tantrums and sleep, so I am also worried about how we will cope during my c section recovery. For these reasons, I would definitely never consider a third child. I personally wouldn’t be able to cope with 2 young kids through another pregnancy and a 3rd section. I don’t have any local family support though.

There are valid medical reasons for waiting before becoming pregnant after a cesarean section. There are increased risks associated with multiple cesarean operations and there are also increased risks associated with pregnancies in older mothers. These are compounding factors that you should take into account.

Absolutely @ChateauMargaux . Those are very much part of my decision making too. Keen to hear how others have navigated/pondered them.

I only have one but it’s absolutely possible. I know someone that had her first mid 30’s, second late 30’s & third early 40’s. The only thing I’d say is it depends on your pregnancy & recovery as I think it can take more of a toll as time goes on.

Thanks @MariaVT65, that's a good reminder. I think because my first pregnancy went very smoothly (no morning sickness at all and felt good throughout, apart from fatigue in first trimester) I haven't really factored in dealing with 1 or 2 toddlers while pregnant. But I know there's no guarantee future pregnancies would be as easy...

Have had 3 between 36 and 42. Numerous miscarriages (one life threatening when dc1 was 7months) in between and the timing was all about being able to conceive and hold a baby. I wish you much less struggle than we had

I had my first child at 33 nearly 34, then went in to have 3 more children with close age gaps and 4 under 4 when youngest was born (he wasn’t planned, failed vasectomy but wanted). I didn’t return to work after Dc2’s maternity leave which was very generous. We were also in an ok financial position of small mortgage (not in an expensive area), so I stayed home so no childcare fees. It all went pear shaped with Covid affecting DH’s business finances and I was studying part time which I then deferred so completing my final year now before returning to work so we are skint at the moment but will improve in a few months it has been hard since then. I had straight forward labours & births (apart from dc3), no c-sections and was one of those annoying women walking the dog with baby the day after birth (apart from dc3) which helped. I did have GD with mine and they were all tiny babies with Dc3 needing a little time in nicu so I was treated as high risk and I had awful PNA after Dc3 and blood pressure issues as I developed post partum pre eclampsia. I went from never having kids to 4, quickly. I wouldn’t change it. I’m tired, more stressed, poorer (not kids fault) and way behind in my retraining plans but we have fun, plans and although the early years were hard work it’s been great, I miss it now they are all at school.

I did three kids after 31 with two and a half years between each. 41 and knackered now and only work part time. A big thing to think about if the age of grandparents. The first 5 years I had a fair amount of grandparent help. I get none now due to their ages. It makes everything harder. You can’t split two of you three ways when the kids activities sky rocket which they do in the primary school years. Also depends off the kids you get. Active boys for instance as super tiring in the early years.

I know this is a dead thread, but I thought you'd like to know my husband's mums situation. She had him at age 29, then a large gap.

The next 5 children were between 34 and 40! All healthy. :)

I had my first at 2 months before tuning 36. Had my second 16 months later at 37 and a bit. I don't want anymore. But if I wanted another I'd probably have been 39.

Pregnancies weren't fun at all. Especially second time.

No local family. No grandparent help. Both my parents died young, and partners foreign and his parents live abroad. Other family 2hr away

That sounds amazing but super exhausting I imagine @Myhubbyisasweetheart !

This reminds me, thanks so much everyone for sharing your experiences. I really want to have one more but the third will depend a lot on our financial position in 4-5 years' time (my husband is at the start of his career so good chance our income will improve). And also how we feel physically and whether mentally ready to go through with it a third time :)

Just remember twins are more likely as you near 40+. My second baby turned out to be second and third

I often wonder if I'd have had a third if baby 2 was a singleton. My first pregnancy at 37 was easy - twins not so much. Now I am 44 with 3 under 7, and it's hard work but doable.

3 kids here born between ages 36-41. All perfectly healthy, wouldn’t change a thing. Yes it’s tiring but they grow up so fast! Enjoy

@lifesnotaspectatorsport good point! Though still relatively rare. If it's to happen, better that it's on the second (+ third) than third (+ fourth) 😅

@DGPP true. Though I know in many ways life becomes harder as things are not designed for families with more than 2 kids

@LaVitesse2022 Oh yes, I am sooo glad I had one baby first - enjoy those newborn snuggles 😊 With twins the feeds are a bit more of a production line 😁

Having 3 rather than 2 only seems to cause us problems with hotels - we always end up in AirBnB. But apart from that and general extra cost of things, it hasn't restricted us too much.