Reassurance for getting through newborn stage

[clingon1012]

Hi, new here and I guess I'm posting as I want... need, some reassurance. My LO will be 6 weeks old in a few days but I am really NOT enjoying this newborn stage. I'm not sure if he counts as a difficult baby, he eats well generally though he has been crying at the breast recently - I've been supplementing with pumped breast milk and formula because I'm not making enough milk for him which is adding to my stress.

But he does not sleep well at all during the day. On average, for a whole day (i.e. 24 hours) he only sleeps 11-13 hours max. He sleeps fine during the night, has gone 4-5 hours between feeds, though normally 3-3.5 hours (he's surpassed his birth weight ages ago so I don't wake him to eat) but he does not nap much, or he cannot stay asleep and naps for 20 mins, or 30 mins and occasionally over an hour which is a win for me but doesn't happen enough. He's a newborn though, surely this isn't normal? And apart from occasional gas/spit ups I don't think he's unwell. During awake time he is quite happy and will lay in his cot "playing" by himself but he hates being put down to sleep in it and will mostly wake up from this action. He is ok with contact napping but my husband and I do need to rest as well (and husband goes to work so can't always share the day contact naps).

He also almost never sleeps during witching hours so he can basically be awake between 6ish to 9 or longer which is such a long wake window!

Does it get better? I feel awful complaining as I love him so much and waited so long for this baby but I am not enjoying newborn stage and it feels like its a cycle every day. When will things improve?

Yes, it’s normal, and yes, it gets better !
I was surprised at how little my newborns slept, I was lead to believe that they slept most of the day/night !
Short naps are normal, try and get him out in the pram if you want him to sleep longer.
Are you drinking a glass of water every time you feed/pump ? And are you eating well, good proteins, to help your milk ?

I hated the newborn bit, even with my easier baby I didn't love it. I remember things improving a bit at 8 weeks, once we were out of the 6 week growth spurt and my supply settled. Then it got steadily easier for me.

They're 5 and 3 and while I could have cheerfully strangled them at various points through the terrible two/threenager years I would never choose to go back to the newborn days!

Hang on in there.

My DD catnapped up until around 8 or 9 months when she started napping for 2 hours or more in the afternoon (as long as she was on me!) I binge watched all of Downton Abbey and Handmaid's Tale in about 3 weeks!

You mean the less than 12 hours sleep per day is usual? This gives me so much reassurance as google tells me they should be sleeping 16 hours or whatever and I'm like really??? I do drink and I eat more than usual just to make sure, but I've seen a IBCLC and she says I have a yeast infedtion 😑 and blocked ducts which is affecting the supply (and honestly not enjoying BF cos of this) plus LO has recently been refusing breast during the day when he's more awake... it all just adds to my stress because I get so upset at that! I know its not his fault and I can't force him but it still hurts.

Thank you for your reply, it really helps talking to other experienced mums!

Normal, annoyingly.

I would try a baby carrier/sling for naps. Sometimes sleep, encourages more sleep.

And an earlier bedtime, Tey 7pm.

Also, if baby is happy - maybe just leave him to it.

At that age with DC1 we would do a nap in the pram, a contact nap (in bed or in the sling) and then attempt a cot nap even if it was short, just to get him used to it.

DC2 lives in the carrier as there's a toddler to wrangle but if I left her own devices she'd stay awake for hours!!

I genuinely thought I wouldn't mind the newborn bit as, as mentioned, we've been trying to conceive for so long I was just really looking forward to him being here. How naive, haha.

He's entered his 6 weeks growth spurt already I think, and I know it'll only be a few days or a week and I am sooo looking forward to the 8 week mark, but I know it'll feel forever when I'm going through it... sigh.

Thanks soo much for your reply, I feel so guilty not loving what's happening right now and then you see some mothers breezing through everything and making me feel inadequate so its great to hear others hating the newborn phase!!

My son's catnaps drives me crazy, especially when I think he's asleep then I start to relax or lie down to sleep then he's suddenly awake 😵‍💫 I don't mind occasional contact naps but general life still needs to go on so its also a little frustrating, but if that's the only way they'll sleep then what can we do!

I've been watching lots of tv too like you 😂😂 youtube is also great hahaaa

My DS is now 9 and the baby stage for me was just a blur of sleep deprivation and tears (mine!). It sounds like you are doing great. It's easy for me to say as I'm well past that stage but you have to give in with it and go with the flow. Lower any and all expectations, go easy on the three of you and ride the wave. Its hard to see now but you will come out on the other side.

It's sooo reassuring to hear its normal! I felt like my son was the only newborn baby who is constantly awake. And babies who sleep the whole 16 hours a day are unicorn babies?! I did ask a nurse at the baby clinic and she said but if he doesn't want to sleep you can't force/make him sleep... which is obvious but I didn't really think about that. And yes, we just leave him in his playard to let him figure things out (when he doesn't cry) and he did fall asleep by himself in it ONCE - probably from complete overtiredness.

Thanks for your advice, I will try to take him outside more and see if he settles in a pram - I will take any sleep over him being cranky cos he's tired!

IT GETS BETTER.

My 2 year old is a funny, sweet, curious little hurricane who I like hanging out with.

Sure, he’s a toddler, there are tantrums and he can be a total PITA. This morning he drew on the white walls in sharpie (where did he get that?!?) and then tried to sharpie his baby brothers face and the cat and then howled and screamed when I de-sharpied him and told him off. But in general, since about 18 months, it’s been getting better every month.

Thanks for your reply! I do subconsciously know it'll get better, but it just feels like it's dragging on right now and I can't quite see the light just yet ☹️ And yes, my tears and mum guilt is ughhh then I feel stupid for crying! You're right though, I orobably have ridiculously high expectations - such as expecting a unicorn baby who'll only sleep, poop and eat and not cry much (my mum said I was like that so I expected my child to be the same??? stupid me)...

It's a tough time for lots of us. Occasionally, I have heard about babies who slept through the first 3 months or so but mostly they are awake.

DD1 was very normal. Like you, I also was feeding a mix of breastmilk and formula. She did not nap much and did not sleep a lot overnight either.

For a few weeks, I sat around on the sofa waiting for my milk to come in but when I realised it wasn't going to, I started doing what I wanted to do and just taking her along. Turns out she was bored and going places really helped. We were both less bored and the extra stimulation tired her a bit and led to better napping.

I also found walking her in the pram helped her sleep during the day so I could eat lunch or do a few jobs around the house. I put MILES on that buggy.

Totally varies by child! DS1 didn’t sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time at night until he was four or five months old, and barely slept during the day. We all went mad.

DS2 sleeps for about 15 hours a day.

It’s all just guidance, I don’t think the books stress enough that there is huge variation and that divergence from the avwrage doesn’t mean your child isn’t normal, that they won’t thrive, or that you aren’t doing a great job.

Check out Lyndsey hookway on IG!

Honestly OP if you're not enjoying breastfeeding then don't feel you need to continue. I say that as someone who EBF, but I firmly believe it's only worth continuing when both mum and baby are getting something out of it.

It's anecdata but I have noticed that friends who took a bit longer to conceive did struggle a little more to adjust to the baby bit - very natural to idealise what you so desperately want I think.

Children are so much better when they're older and can talk and have their own thoughts and opinions.

Thanks for your reply! I do and don't enjoy breastfeeding at the same time. I love the bonding, the closeness and seeing him nurse away. I don't like the frequency, the fact that only I can do it and can't skip, the fact that my nipples are sore (from initial bad latching and the yeast infection). But generally I want to carry on yet it's also hard on top of other stress, like whether I have enough milk! I have given myself a minimum of 3 months though 😶by which time I hope I have gotten the hang of things and stop stressing over it, and I feel like I've given it a good go. Fingers crossed!

Yes it does get better! I did not enjoy the newborn stage, I think I cried more than DS did. The "cycle" doesn't go away but it becomes a stable routine (eventually he'll have 3 meals a day like most people!)

DS just turned 1 and it's such a lovely age.

Feeding issues with my newborn were out and out the hardest part of being a mum. My daughter struggled with reflux and my fast letdown and allergy induced feeding aversions

She only fed for 5 seconds at a time and we had some days where she fed for a total of 1-2 minutes. A low point was the two of us naked on the bathroom having a lying down feed on the floor. She needed the bath to calm her down enough to feed. We had a few good feeds by sharing a bath but it's not practical for every feed!

Play around with feeding position, the lying down feed did it for us but another hold might work for you. One of my friends could only use the rugby hold.