Sharing Costs After Maintenace

[BetterDays80]

Hi guys, I’m new to this forum so forgive me if I’m not up to speed on somethings!

I have 2 children, a boy & girl. I know there’s so many grey areas with regards to maintenance payments and what they actually cover etc. but I have a general wondering about what others may do with regard to paying for extra things such as sports clubs, school lunches etc

Basically since me & my Ex split up we have used the Gov website calculator as the guide for what I transfer her every month.

Every so often she will ask for my payslip, just to check for any increases.. Now as I understand I don’t have to do this but do so just to be transparent with her, but I do find it slightly intrusive I guess, but I suppose it’s a question of trust.
In the past year or two, she has often asked me to pay half if she has bought them certain items, new football kit, birthday parties etc, which I’ve got no problem in paying my half towards.

In the past year she asked me to add half of the cost of school lunches onto what I pay her monthly, and even asking me to backdate that for many months which I felt was slightly unfair to just demand that sum of money without warning but I did so more just to keep the harmony, even though as I understand I’m under no obligation to do so.

In the last year, I’ve paid sports fees out of my own pocket and not asked her to pay half, despite it amounting to nearly £400.

I guess my mindset is as the Dad I’m always the one to pay her for things and not vice versa (which maybe my own misgiving), but the question I have is in the instance of the football fees for example am I out of order as such to ask her to contribute half?

Sorry for the lengthy one, just wanted to provide a bit of background! And if I’m factually wrong about anything please correct me, feel like I’m constantly learning!😊

If you are paying the CMS figure then in theory no extras need to be paid. However, that is the minimum payable so depending on circumstances it might be fair or reasonable to pay for extras.

Also, I think it depends on how contact is set up. If you have some overnights then the figure will be reduced to reflect that and you should be providing everything needed that day, like school lunches, uniform or childcare. If your ex is still covering all of that the extra makes sense, to cover your costs which have been deducted from the amount payable.

You can do everything through the CMS so she won't get to see your payslips. However then you have to keep records (normally bank statements showing clear CMS payments) until the youngest is at least 21 to show you paid maintenance.

This is what my DP has done to save himself having arguements with his ex about his earnings.

Maintenance payments are supposed to cover the cost of your children living with their mother completely. On the days they are with you then you cover all their costs.

In reality unless you are doing nearly 50% of their care and their mother earns near equal or more than you, then you should cover some of their extra costs. What you decide to cover is up to you. So if you are happy they do say a particular sport and you can afford to cover it, then do so.

If you really can't afford it because you then can't pay the rent in your one bedroom flat then say so and don't give the money over. However if you say you can't afford it because you are going on a stag do then you are just being nasty to your own children.