Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to ask playgroup to manage this?

63 replies

Hana89 · 03/11/2023 15:37

Hi,
I'm just looking for a bit of advice: I'm a first time mum and I'm not sure of the etiquette surrounding playgroups and how they are managed.
Basically, I take my 10 month old to a great soft play session run by our local SureStart centre and the team who run it are so lovely, but lately there have been quite a few toddlers coming with obviously bad colds/chest infections. Think: properly snotty noses, hacking coughs etc.

The organisers have commented in a hinting way to the parents like "Oh dear! Is X a bit unwell to play today?" but they don't actually stop them joining the session.

Would it be unreasonable or unfair of me to write to them and ask them to manage this a bit better? It's a free weekly session and it is great fun so I absolutely understand parents not wanting their little ones to miss out, but equally I don't think it is fair to the children who are not ill and because they're all so young there is no hand-over-mouth or sensibly wiping noses, it is just a free for all. Personally I just wouldn't take my daughter if she was so obviously poorly, but I sort of feel like the parents who don't seem to think about it should be gently asked to take their children home and join in next week.

If it's just me and I'm being a bit overprotective then fair enough, like I say, I don't have much experience of these groups. It has just been a bit of a shock!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MooseBreath · 03/11/2023 15:45

My 3-year-old has had a runny nose and cough for 2 months. He has no fever, and is otherwise absolutely fine. Kids get colds. Obviously if there is a fever, vomiting/diarrhea, or the child is lethargic, or it is an illness like chicken pox, then the child shouldn't be there. But if we keep kids home every time they have a runny nose and cough, they wouldn't leave the house from September-April.

SErunner · 03/11/2023 15:49

It's really hard. Like pp our daughter has a cough and is snotty pretty much constantly during the winter. We'd never go anywhere if we waited for her to not 'look' a bit ill but in reality she's okay in herself. Similarly if she had a fever etc I wouldn't take her, but otherwise I accept being around a lot of snot and coughs is part of toddler mum life!

Strawberryfieldsforeverrr · 03/11/2023 15:52

Toddlers are generally snotty from October to March IME. If the kids are well enough to enjoy the session then they aren't ill, and can't be kept home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9-12 months old Babies & sleep Behaviour & development Families

pinkunicorns54 · 03/11/2023 15:55

Are you sending your baby to nursery any time soon, OP?
I was very much the same as you, before my baby (now 3) went to nursery. Now we'd never leave the house if I stayed in due to coughs and runny noses.

My baby (10months) is more snotty than the toddler now, but perfectly happy in herself

Lostmyway123 · 03/11/2023 15:57

As above, afraid this is normal. My kids are snotty from oct to April and we'd never leave the house if we tried to avoid places. Fever is a bit different but snot and coughs are part of the territory. I've always just tried to think of it as building up their immune system before they start nursery/school.

Whinge · 03/11/2023 15:57

Personally I just wouldn't take my daughter if she was so obviously poorly,

I appreciate you're saying that now, but in a few years after relentless winter / nursery bugs I can imagine you'll feel the same as the other parents. If they're well enough in themselves then there's no point staying cooped up at home. Snotty noses and coughs are just part and parcel of lives with toddlers and small children.

Dacadactyl · 03/11/2023 15:57

I think you would be very unreasonable to write to them. They will do precisely NOTHING anyway. Unless a child is obviously keeling over with sickness, they won't be doing anything. A runny nose and cough (even if absolutely hacking) isn't something they're going to do anything about if the child is otherwise presenting fine.

InTheRainOnATrain · 03/11/2023 15:58

It’s really not uncommon for toddlers to have back to back colds all winter. Especially if they attend nursery and/or have older siblings. If the kids don’t have a fever or stomach bug and are well enough to enjoy the group then it’s fine.

sexnotgenders · 03/11/2023 15:58

Yep, just wait until you have a toddler. They automatically come with snot and a cough.

I'd chalk this up to PFB thinking and let it go

hibiscuswool · 03/11/2023 15:59

My toddler has had a snotty nose and cough for the past two months on and off. Ever since she started nursery. Can't lock her up, can I? There were 3 days were she was actually not feeling well in herself and had a temperature, so we stayed home. But other than the sniffles and coughs, she's just herself and bounces off the walls. I know it can be a bit scary as a FTM when yours is still so small, but constant illness, especially in winter, are just reality of toddler life unfortunately.

BitofaStramash · 03/11/2023 15:59

Unless they have a temp, sickness or diarrhoea then you just need to get on with it with toddlers.

Notmetoo · 03/11/2023 16:03

Sadly when your child goes to nursery and school you will find she will have to mix with lots of children with runny noses and coughs. It's good that she builds up her immunity now.

FloweryName · 03/11/2023 16:05

Some children have almost permanent colds and would never be allowed to go anywhere if they had to stay in while they’re snotty, so I don’t think your expectation is reasonable, sorry! They are not automatically contagious just because they are snotty or coughing. A cough can be as a result of asthma

MmedeGouge · 03/11/2023 16:09

YANBU
I believe children should be at home if they have a temperature and a cough or cold. It gives them chance to fight off the infection and protects other children.
Unfortunately not many parents agree with me.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 03/11/2023 16:11

YANBU but this is how we live. And why I avoid soft play in winter. And did before covid.

Everyone saying “kids always have colds” is because there’s always someone spreading them. I think we learned in lockdown that you don’t get a cold if someone doesn’t share it with you. (For some it was obvious before).

But yep - this is life here.

We tend to stick to outdoor playground and forest schools - they get less infections this way (there is no need to keep getting a virus really).

But nothing will happen to stop it.
I think it’s worse than before covid now - like everyone has forgotten and trying to kind of rebel against it and it helps them forget about everything l. Like. A collective amnesia.

givemushypeasachance · 03/11/2023 16:13

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/is-my-child-too-ill-for-school/

Is my child too ill for school?

Find out when it's best to keep your sick child at home and when it's OK to send them to school or nursery.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/is-my-child-too-ill-for-school

jasminocereusbritannicus · 03/11/2023 16:18

I understand how you feel about it, at that age and especially with a first child, but it is a bit unreasonable tbh.

They won't be stopped from going to school with snotty noses, unless they are quite obviously poorly with it!
I wish parents would teach their children how to wipe their noses properly, though, ...some just sit their with snot pouring out (yuk) or just cough everywhere...one of the hazards of being a teacher or TA....I carry hand sanitizer on my lanyard!!

SaltyGod · 03/11/2023 16:20

I was once lonely and low, I took my toddler to a baby group. She had a snotty nose but was not unwell, just normal toddler snottiness.

Another mum sat near us, then saw my toddler had a runny nose. She made a very obvious fuss of moving places to sit elsewhere, and whispered away to her friends about us.

Made me feel awful, and even lonelier. My daughter wasn’t unwell. If I hadn’t gone anywhere with her when she had a runny nose I wouldn’t have gone anywhere all winter.

JC89 · 03/11/2023 16:24

Unless they also have a temperature this is fairly normal - they go into nursery with snotty noses and coughs (some of them have this constantly) so if that's all it is I wouldn't really be expecting the organisers to stop them coming in

sexnotgenders · 03/11/2023 16:42

MmedeGouge · 03/11/2023 16:09

Actually nearly every parent on this thread agrees with you. The key point being, as you state in your post, have they got a temperature? If they have, they are clearly actively unwell and should be at home (and I believe 99.9% of parents would do this, certainly everyone on this thread has made that distinction). But if there's no temperature and they're snotty, or have a lingering cough, then what's the issue? You'd be punishing them for weeks potentially if you kept them away from any inside activities

InTheRainOnATrain · 03/11/2023 16:46

MmedeGouge · 03/11/2023 16:09

I think just about everyone agrees? The key part there being the temperature.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 03/11/2023 16:57

It really is amazing that as a society we don't realise how this is one of the things that come with toddlers . They have permanent snotty noses , they did when mine were little 30-40 yrs ago and still do now . You'll get over it .

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 03/11/2023 17:20

@Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic I totally agree and we generally do the same

caffelattetogo · 03/11/2023 17:25

Mine don't have constant snotty noses or coughs. If they do, I don't take them out to spend those bacteria or viruses to other people. The people who do this make others ill. Noses aren't snotty for no reason.

Dahlia444 · 03/11/2023 17:34

To be honest i don't relate to the permanent snotty noses thing. My 4 tended to have discrete colds which went away after a few days, and yes they all went through nursery too. But I do hear a lot of 'always ill' and I assume now we must just have been lucky. I think if a child has a new cold infection (even if no temp) it's considerate to keep them at least outdoors for the first few days when they're most infectious. But I wouldn't bother the group leaders to be honest. The absolute hard lines are d&v and temp and hopefully that's in place.

Flip

1 2 3