Going out in public, baby groups etc with a fussy baby

[Joppi]

Anyone had a fussy baby and finding it hard with going out socialising and attending baby groups etc?

My 3 month baby is quite fussy in the day (GP said all is fine and her weight is tracking fine), but she sometimes has loud intense crying episodes.

we did a baby group earlier this week and she screamed in the sling on the train and I couldn’t do much to settle her but felt embarrassed as I felt the stares of the other passengers. Once we arrived, my baby was the only one crying, others were content and happy to lie down and look around!

I’ve now got to the position where I’d rather not go out as I feel anxious about the public crying but at the same time I find it isolating being at home at the time.

anyone else been in this position and still persevere at the baby groups and accept that baby will likely kick off and that’s fine if you take baby out/try and soothe?

Are you breastfeeding? My DCs aren't too fussy but whenever they've got upset in public I found it easiest to just feed them (even if they clearly weren't hungry). It will be easier in a few months when you can give them a snack.
There is always a fussy baby at the groups I've been to and no one will judge you for it. Public transport can be more difficult but you've just as much right to be there as anyone else.

Thanks @leneer yes I’m bf-ing so ended up doing that at baby group - she wasn’t hungry but it worked for comfort - still getting the hang of bf-ing in public though.

yes public transport is hard, I was travelling off peak and I’m sure the looks were more of pity!

Has anyone considered silent reflux? It can often be a cause of ‘fussing’ or ‘colic’ in babies that goes unnoticed because there aren’t any obvious physical symptoms. Sorry if you’ve already considered and dismissed it, just thought it was worth a mention if you haven’t.

Also, your 3MO is nowhere near as loud as you think they are. It might not seem like it because you’re biologically programmed to have a heightened response but one day when you have a toddler who is throwing a tantrum you’ll know what I mean. Also, at baby group there’s always one so don’t worry about it. Public transport is just that, your baby has as much right to be there as anyone else and really it isn’t a big deal.

This too shall pass and keep getting out there!

I always breastfeed mine on trains and buses when they were crying.

Don't be shy. An elderly man on a tube train once said to me that it was lovely to see a baby feeding.

Seek out the organiser of the groups. I had 2 a year apart.. Always found someone to hold the baby while I had a hot drink!! Usually the leader! She never minded. A new face can be a good distraction for a crying baby ime!

And yes, do keep going out. You need the company and the change of scene.

Your baby will soon get older and become more settled.

Stick with it. You need to get out & about and no-one else minds.

..........she wasn’t hungry but it worked for comfort - still getting the hang of bf-ing in public though.

Letting your baby nurse for comfort is a good thing. Just go for it. Babies love sucking.

I found a jumper or a T shirt was best for feeding in public.
You can just stick the baby's bread underneath and nobody can see anything.

Blouses are the worst, as you have to open them in the middle.

@InTheRainOnATrain will ask GP/read up on silent reflux in case that’s it! It may have gone unnoticed

thanks for the advice everyone - I used to be very social and it does me good mentally to get to out once I get over the worrying about potential crying! Now it’s getting cooler, I can try bf-ing under jumper. I did the blouse before and found it too exposing 😂

Do perservere, honestly just try not to worry what others think. You need to get out, four your sanity! And baby will only get used to being out etc by doing it more.

Everyone who has ever been a parent has been in public and at groups with a crying baby. And everyone alive has been that crying baby. Please try not to worry, babies crying is perfectly normal. It sounds alarming to you because you're hardwired to be alert to it but it sounds different to other people, honestly.

It is tricky to feed on public transport, logistically, especially when your baby is so small - there's so much to do and think about and you've got the bag and buggy and all the rest of it and only one pair of hands but do what you need to and don't be put off by worrying about things that you don't need to think about. I found a combination of t shirt and vest underneath worked best - t shirt up, vest down. As your dd gets bigger and more able to control her neck it gets easier too.

Getting out and about is so important for you and you will feel better for it. Congratulations on your baby and keep going - you're doing great.

Yeah my first cried all the time and we still went out, she was generally happier out and at groups etc than stuck at home, but she was still often THAT baby crying and fussing. You just sort of get used to it to a degree tbh if that's their personality. She's 5 now and still very sensitive and emotional so it's just her. I didn't use a sling, just the pram, and I did use a dummy which helped, but appreciate that's not for everyone like.

I posted an almost identical thread 3 months ago for my 3 month old... in fact, I saw your thread title and thought someone had replied to my original post!

As others have said, there is always 1 (but usually at least 2 or 3) being fussy at a baby group. None of the other mums will mind, we've all been there. Tbh, I ended up staying in a lot when mine was particularly fussy from ages 10-16 weeks or so. I wish I'd just got out as new faces at groups and the outdoors actually helped distract her....plus babies cry... just how it is.

I also looked into silent reflux and went to the dr about it. Tell tale sign was a dry cough after feeding. We were given gaviscon, which was a nightmare to give to a breastfed baby. Instead, I read online that cutting out caffeine, inc chocolate, and garlic will help reduce the reflux - which it did.

The fussiness gradually subsided and after 4 months old, people were remarking how content and smiley our baby is. I am sure yours will also come through this phase soon. All the best

Been there and lived to tell the tale. My DD1 had silent reflux, lactose intolerance and just hated being a baby (she was much happier when she could crawl, walk, talk), she cried all the time and I was so self conscious about it, but most people were sympathetic. It's so important to get out for your own sanity and to help break up the day. For bfeeding in public, I wore a vest under a top (no buttons) so I could lift top up and pull vest down so I still felt covered up and warm if it was cold.

I've been there, my boy was always the fussy baby I've spent whole classes sitting alone at the side breastfeeding whilst others joined in. Breastfeeding in public is really hard, I avoided it as much as I could until one day I just thought sod it I've chose to feed him this way and I'm not living inside forever so i forced myself to feed him in a coffee shop. No one batted an eye. It was the best thing I ever did. I'm not saying you should force yourself to do something you're uncomfortable with, but please remember you're not alone and people's issues with a baby being fed are just that. Their issues, not yours. I found h&m flap tops discreet and flattering, but I do believe it depends on your breast shape and position.

Thanks all for the reassurance- will try get out of the house for my own sanity! And check out the silent reflux.

Bf ing will get vest/top/jumper method so I can be more discreet.

@WeightoftheWorld yes sometimes the dummy is a lifesaver! She doesn’t always take it but it’s helped me in the past :)

Yes that’s what happened to me - more or less spent the whole class trying to soothe baby!

yes it’s so good to see more and more women bf-ing public these days!

I used to joke when DD was that age that I'd just come to the baby group to breastfeed with a change of scenery

My baby is 9 months now but when he was around 3 months I signed up for baby massage classes which took 30 mins car ride to get to. Paid for a course of around £60. My baby cried all the time, had to stop several times going there and he was the only one who cried. I gave up after 2 weeks

tried again around 5 months for a diff course around £60. Closer but near nap time. Anyway my baby was the only one who cried again (was the youngest) again after 2 weeks I stopped going. I even left half way through one class

nobody minds but I completely relate in that you feel like everyone is looking and judging. Now I wouldn’t care but back then I did and panicked and worried. I really wish I stuck to them too as would have been good to meet more mum friends and get me out. I ended up being in the house allt and it drove me mad! Keep persevering if you can… it does get better!

thanks @Namechange10122 yes funnily enough I was considering doing a baby massage course but hesitant in case again
mine is the only baby crying. I think I’ll go for it, just so I have an incentive to get out of the house and prepare for crying!

See personally I never did any courses or anything that required pre-booking with either of my babies. The second one was much easier than the first but even he was an erratic napper and often fussy particularly when he hit 3 months old and was no longer wanting to feed all the time. I just found it easier to just do cheap or free drop ins where there was no pressure, I could leave early, not go one week etc if everything was going wrong hah and I wouldn't feel I'd missed out by being the one pacing around with my baby because the groups were just to chat etc anyway rather than activity to 'do' that meant my baby needed to cooperate iyswim.

This isn't me saying you shouldn't do baby massage though obviously but just don't feel pressured to do those types of things if other stuff is easier.

@WeightoftheWorld yes true! I’ve noticed a lot of these courses are for a term of 4-6 classes with payment up front so that adds a bit of pressure! We do have a centre not too far away with drop in sessions that are free and I think will be a good option

Someone once turned up to my baby massage group 45 minutes into a 50 minute class. She looked beyond frazzled and upset, and just settled herself in for the final few minutes and came for a coffee with us afterwards. I was so impressed that she had still managed to come after what had clearly been such a hopeless morning - whenever I have a bad day I try to channel her.

Please do ask for help. Even a “can you hold baby whilst I nip to the loo?” (regardless of if you do need the loo or not). And keep going out. My aunt told me “add fresh air or water” when you’re having a bad day, so a walk or a splashy bath.