How did your toddler react with a new baby?

[elljtah29]

Hello. I am due my second baby in a couple of months and we have a toddler who will be nearly 2 when they arrive.

I'm curious to know how did your eldest react and respond when baby was brought home? Getting a little nervous!

@elljtah29 I do remember it well. Older DC was nearly 2 years 9 months. We saw a change in behaviour. She loved nursery so we did a bit more of that but she would do anything to get attention at home. Things she had not done before. Climbing on furniture was new for her. Wanting to be played with more and wanting it NOW. Having a tantrum when not getting something now. Had been very easy pre DD2! Continually asking about things and interrupting. She wasn’t interested in her new sister. Having said that, other people didn’t see this in their dc and I didn’t observe it either. So you could have no issues at all.

It’s definitely true that jealousies can surface when their space is invaded and your attention is not purely for them. Breast feeding time always led to the worst behaviour as I was obviously busy. You would think settling down and reading to DD1 would work but no!

I decided to keep DD2 well away from DD1 in the end. She could be gentle but was not guaranteed to be. Your DC1 might be utterly gentle. They might even ignore the baby and carry on with what they like to do. If you do get behaviour surfacing due to attention seeking, you just have to make the environment as safe as possible. DD only climbed on the back of the sofa! Not ideal but better than a bookcase!

Our second son was born when his brother was 2y 3m. He quickly realised his younger brother didn't want to play(!) followed by jealousy. He did respond when asked to 'help' with things like feeding (bottle), and baths etc. and we found talking to him as well when dealing with the baby helped.

In the end though I don't think the tantrums, sulks etc where much to do with jealousy as the usual toddler behaviour (terrible twos), and his brother did just the same a couple of years later (by which time they did play together)

I had the same age gap.. tbh ds1 wasn't particularly bothered about DS2 until he could move and then he got a bit irritated with him trying to take his toys.

I used to bath them together and I have fond memories of toddler DS1 splashing in the bath and making DS2 giggle away!

They are 5 and 7 now and share a room-they have really funny little chats but also totally wind each other up! Frenemies I would describe them as .

DS was 2y5m when his brother was born. He loved the baby from day 1, but regressed completely with toilet training, was very clingy, and often pretended to be a baby/rejected being a "big boy" because he saw the baby always getting positive attention when doing "baby things". He is 3y5m now and is starting to move past the jealous behaviour, but it's been tricky.

Mine was just 2 when baby was born. The first meeting he found her hilarious 🤣
Other than a short jealous stage when baby was about 6 weeks (only lasted a couple of weeks) where he would throw things at her or hit her. He's been absolutely fine and adores her. She's over a year now and they adore eachother.

Mine looked a bit confused and anxious for a week or so but adored their baby sister, we'd spent a lot if time reading books and talking about it beforehand. No jealousy, the disagreements started at tweenagers

My toddler was 2y 5m when his sibling was born. He hated him on sight because he had taken him mummy away for a few days. He threw a camera at him in the hospital! Bringing them up together was very interesting…

They are now young adults, love each other dearly but have always been jealous of each other and probably always will.
They are both very different people in every respect.

So it can go either way really 😅

Thank you for your responses :-) DC1 is quite independent and does not really like to be picked up or cuddled etc, so I think they might be okay (hopefully).

DC1 was 22 months. He was really gentle straight away and really protective. I had a side-by-side buggy and from day one he was always putting his hand onto her really gently just to check on her

Roughly same gap, posted here at the time worried.

Basically baby did not exist. I saw all these pictures of oh new sibling, not in this house.

I think baby was crawling before she even acknowledged her.

Absolutely no interest at all. Didn't hurt her, didn't touch her, she just wasn't here.

Now they are best of pals.

I suppose it was, looking back, easier than friends who have had toddlers picking up new babies and wandering off with them.

Same as @carddino - dd1 quickly realised dd2 did absolutely nothing of interest and continued living her life as if nothing had changed. She ran off a few times because she thought I couldn't run after her, but she was wrong, and after a few trips home with her tucked under my arm like a squealing pig, she didn't do it again!

Eldest was 2yr 4months when baby arrived. She loved them from day 1. Honestly adores them, wants to hug them, kiss them, hold them all the time. Never had any concerns about leaving them alone other than her overenthusiasm getting baby hurt - like a too tight cuddle.

However she did become more problematic for us as parents. Lots more shouting, shoving us, trying to hit or kick us if she got really angry. So lots of love for baby but a lot less for mum and dad. There has been a little bit of wanting to act like a baby so I indulge a little bit of rocking in my arms and being called 'mama' again but then remind her baby is too little to eg. Eat biscuits, go on the swings, watch TV, so I make a big fuss of how there are lots of things she is allowed to do that baby can't and she snaps out of the baby behaviour.

I had my second nearly a year ago with the same gap. It was hard at first, I'll be honest. Obviously I don't know if it was a 'new baby' thing or a natural age thing but I found my 2yo changed quite a lot. It was like a new gap opened between us where previously we'd been so close, and as a result she found she could say "no" etc. I found that change in our relationship and the guilt that went with it really hard. She's been up and down with the baby. I tried to be super hands off with their relationship and just let her come to him in her own time, not putting lots of emphasis on being a big sister, being a helper, being grown up etc. In hindsight I actually wish I'd done more to force a relationship and encourage a bit more nurturing from her towards him. She's been through phases of randomly hitting him, pushing him over etc, which has been upsetting to see having always considered her such a "good girl". Their relationship changes constantly as the baby changes but now that he's approaching one they are (just) starting to play together a bit, which is lovely to see. The baby completely adores her of course!

As my DD1 was getting on towards 3 and was very independent I didn’t envisage them playing together much. They didn’t. They simply had different needs with the age difference. I tended to treat them differently and they had different hobbies and interests as they got older. I had friends whose DDs were sent everywhere together. If one didn’t like going to an activity, they both left. If Dc are close in age, it can make life simpler but they are individuals, after all.

@MooseBreath I’m aware this is an old thread so you may not be on here anymore. But this seems so similar to my situation. DD1 was 2y 5m when baby was born, adores her from day 1, but has massively regressed with potty and behaviour is difficult although it was towards the end of my pregnancy too. How long did the potty issues last? As this is our biggest struggle