Advice on play dates

[Aria999]

DD is 3 1/2

Recently we have become friends with another mum and her son who is the same age as DD. We have had a couple of play dates.

I like the mum and the kid is sweet. He is autistic and still learning about how to play with others to some extent, also it's hard to understand his speech.

I thought DD had fun today (and she definitely had fun the previous time) but afterwards she said she didn't, and she couldn't get him to play properly, and doesn't want to do it again.

He wasn't doing anything especially difficult, they were playing a pirate game and he wasn't listening to DD suggestions or engaging with her much, just kind of playing it by himself but in the same space. He does like her though as he asked to hold hands earlier!

She's usually kind and makes an effort and I have tried to explain why he finds things difficult sometimes.

What do I do? Any suggestions for play dates or activities that might work or things i can say to DD to help her want to keep seeing them?

Today we went to a conservatory that has some fun stuff for kids but was mostly just exploring the different plant rooms, then we went to the play park. It was the play park where they were really finding it hard to engage.

They had both skipped nap (are both on the verge of dropping it) and it was afternoon so that might have been partly to blame.

Not really. Your child matters more here, don’t force it.

Agree with pp. Dont raise your DD to put this boy's wishes ahead of her own. Play dates are for her enjoyment, not a service to provide company to other kids.

Contrary to the other posters I wouldn’t throw in the towel based on a 3 year old not enjoying one playdate.

I’m sure my own DC have not enjoyed every playdate even with kids who are some of their best friends- it will vary depending on their mood, tiredness levels etc especially at age 3. Would you want your child to be written off if she is, say, a bit tired and moody on one playdate?

You said she had fun the previous time, and you get on with the mum, so give it another try. He hasn’t done anything to hurt her or anything like that.

Whilst I agree that you shouldn't foist a friend on your DD at this age, I wouldn't take too seriously one request not to play with another child (but if you play again and she asks again not to, them I would listen).

The part of the time they were alongside each other but busy doing/looking at things sounds like it worked better? Free play together less so?

Maybe more of a led activity or something like a museum but not parks/soft play unless the adults are more involved?

Thank you all for the perspectives. Maybe I'll try a museum next time and hope things are better.

To people who don't think I should be pushing DD into the friendship if it doesn't work out; if DD does want to stop seeing them what would you say to the mum? She's quite organized and will ask us to meet up.

I'd say go for a morning playdate and keep it to an hour - go somewhere fun like a new playground or a soft play they like.

As far as him not "playing right", that could happen with any 3 year old - sometimes a child who is used to directing adults in her games will struggle when another child just won't bend to her will. Just see how it goes, and if she consistently doesn't enjoy playing with him, stop meeting up.

As far as making excuses I always went with "DS is a bit tricky at the moment so I'm avoiding playdates for now!"

Things that you would normally take your child to alone - like softplay or play park - would be fine I think.
They might just be playing separately but in the same space, but that fine.