Development goals, what should we be doing first?

[Amy71452]

We've had a house move and other changes over the summer and we've had no time to help our DD hit her development goals. I'm hoping to get started soon but was wondering if you could advise on which one would be most achievable, or if we're panicking over nothing and need to take the pressure off?

We've not started potty training yet, she hasn't been showing much interest so we haven't pushed it, but she's now 3 (in August)and was hoping she'd be out of nappies by then.

Dummy - she has this all the time, is it worth going cold turkey with this or starting to limit it to bedtime and naps, it's her main comfort when out though and hasn't affected her speech or teeth.

Moving into a big girl bed, we haven't moved her into a bed yet and worry about how big a change that would be for her. This is the one thing she can go without though in preschool days for naps so might be the easiest change?

We've a due date for a new baby in January which is another huge change and so I don't know if any of this is feasible before then or if we should wait until after the new arrival?

Please no judgement as we've tried these, our elder daughter was way easier with all of this. She's loved and is doing great in other areas, we've just not hit these milestones.

Thank you so much for the advice!

I'd do potty training first if she's showing signs she's ready. Getting her out of day time nappies before the baby arrives will be a huge help to you as well.

On moving to a big bed, we moved DD1 when she was 22 months and I don't think it was a massive issue (she was a climber and kept getting out of the cot so we had to).
Your DD is older so you can take her to pick out some bedding that she likes, she's old enough that you can explain that she's now big enough for a big girl bed. I wouldn't think that this was something you had to do separately from potty training for example

Potty training would be the one I would focus on first do you honestly want two in nappies when the baby arrives?

Also ditch the dummy asap, go cold turkey if needed but it's very unlikely it's not already having an impact of she uses it all the time.

The bed can wait but these two need to prioritised before the baby makes an appearance.

I agree that potty training would be excellent before DC2 arrives.

What is she sleeping in right now? If its a toddler bed id say that was fine unless she's too long.

I would take her out to 'choose' her new bed (she could select the colour of the
duvet cover or something). I presume she's in a cot at the moment. This will free up the cot for the baby.

Yes, have a go at toilet training too. As she's quite old, she might surprise you and learn it quickly.

I’d do the dummy first because they’re just not great for older children to have especially all the time. I’d do the whole dummy fairy / replacing with a comfort toy type thing but absolutely make sure you don’t cave as she’s bound to be upset for a few days.

Bed should be an easy switch. I would do that without a second thought.

And then potty training but be prepared she’s likely to regress when the new baby comes.

Thank you! Definitely not, we have tried oh crap and pantless to no avail though, so at a loss at what might work. I've been scared to get rid of the dummy as she's inseparable, is there a good time to do it?

I like the idea of choosing a new bed, we need the cot for the baby so this was a cost issue. But she's never wanted to climb out, although I think she's ready. She's the opposite of my older daughter and the soundest sleeper ever !

She's still in a cot? I assumed a cot bed and you meant big girl bed in terms of a single or cabin bed etc?

If she's still in a cot then to be honest I'd get that sorted this weekend she's going to find it almost impossible to adjust to a new baby if she's still being treated like a baby herself and then suddenly expected to be a big girl.

I'd leave the bed unless it is physically too small. Do potty training first.

Dummy second.

Noted, we'll even take the side off tonight to start now. We'd planned it for months but the house was all boxed up until recently so wanted zero risk of her wandering around

Any tips on starting, I do the online quiz things and it says not to start, which isn't advice I need

The dummy fairy took my children's dummies away. They sent them to the fairy in the post and the next day there was a lovely present at the end of their bed. Worth a try.

Definitely focus on the potty training first. Two in nappies is a right pain.

Not sure about quizzes etc but at 3 you might face struggles with her being stubborn but she should be more than capable.

Take her to buy some pants (preferably with a favourite character on them) then it's just a game of prompting her to go regularly and rewarding her when she does a wee/poo. Although at 3 I'd skip a potty personally and just use the toilet.

Thank you! We had tried regular prompting using the oh crap method a couple of months ago and got nowhere, but we'll pick it back up again this weekend. We've been using the proper toilet from the start as she's quite tall so it's awkward on a potty

Plenty of people advocate keeping them in cots so long as safe until they outgrow them. If she sleeps well in it I wouldn't change it. She is too old for a dummy in the daytime - get rid of that first cold turkey. Then tackle potty training as that for many will be a longer process. Bed last.

Potty training would be the biggest win, once it is done it's really helpful. We didn't do it till around 3 and used a sticker/reward chart in the end which we don't normally do, but worked well, probably because of the novelty. It felt like a bit of effort, needed quite a bit of focus but overall positive.

Big girl bed, you might find this easy, I don't remember my DD being that fussed by moving. Especially if you get her new bedding etc and make it look nice. I think this is one you could just do next week (assuming you can buy the bed) and not over think. Although I am basing this on experience with just one child!!

Dummy - I think this will be hardest and either needs to be done reasonably soon or once baby is well and truly here. We tried restricting but it didn't really work and the end cold turkey was the only option. We also had a "dummy fairy", she got a toy, they disappeared overnight. She was sad about it on and off for a few weeks, it did make bedtimes quite a bit harder for a few weeks whilst she got used to sleeping without it.

I had a baby when DD was 2.5 and we didn't sort the potty or dummy till after she was 3, so no judgement here. I think sometimes though you just have to bite the bullet with these things and go for it.

Will the new baby have a dummy? My boys are keeping theirs at the moment because we have a baby due and I don't want dummy jealousy! So going to wait till New baby is at least 6 months to remove. Admittedly my boys only have them for sleep, so perhaps less of an issue. But I'd avoid removing a major source of comfort just when baby is due!

Is the bed situation working ok? There's no actual reason to be in a big bed if they are still comfy. My eldest was in a big bed but might as well not have been as we had to have a massive bad guard until she was nearly 4 as she would just roll out. My boys are in their big beds, but again with a bad guard. I'd have kept them in cots longer if they still fitted.

Potty training will be TOUGH with new baby, as you won't won't able to drop everything to rush to potty. I'd focus on that one. Oh Crap worked great with our eldest, but not at all with next 2! Some kids take a long time, they just don't seem to be motivated. We can totally avoid accidents with my boys by taking them at certain times, but they DON'T give you enough warning to get them there is you leave it up to them. This is aftr 6 months! Preschool are totally fine with this and say it's not uncommon. My friend had this issue with her eldest and he didn't reliably self-initiate till nearly 5. Not ideal, but manageable. Reception teachers are used to prompting! Not saying it'll take your DD that long, just saying even if it does its not a crisis, and not a reason not to get started.

Thank you, we're going to give the new baby a dummy, so I guess limiting it might be the best option. We're not looking for beds at the moment as we're locked into potty training this weekend and will keep her from preschool at the start of the week to try and crack it. We've not had a success yet and lots of washing already, but we'll be persistent!

Hope you have better luck tomorrow. I found that letting them choose their own pants and then reading lots of story books on potty training helped.

Thanks Sioux we had her choice of pants yesterday but have whacked the heating up and are completely pantless today, to hopefully get a little more success

Apologies for yet another message on this thread, we've managed to have the week off but are struggling greatly, has anyone got any good advice on potty training. We've been trying fully since Saturday now, with mostly accidents. We've tried with her pants on, bottomless, taking to the toilet every 45 mins, books, we've got a load of rewards set up. But we've had no success, any times she's been have just...
happened. And appear to be complete coincidence. Is there one of these methods we should stick by? And when should we start seeing any progress?

She's not ready. Just park it and try again in a few months. Might not be what you want to hear but there is no point forcing it if it's not happening. She will get there, they are all ready at different stages.