I seriously need help with my 18 month old! Sorry if I’m rambling.

[Amivickery]

I don’t even know where to start. All I know is I’m even considering ringing social services.things are so bad I don’t even know if I can put it into words to make any sense.
My boy is 18 months old. He hardly ever sleeps through the night he is always getting up screaming but not fully awake if that makes sense. he has done this from birth. He is constantly screaming and I know there learning so they scream sometimes but this is every day all day and it’s always completely out of the blue like we can be playing and he’s laughing then all of a sudden out of nowhere he screams and it can and pretty much does go on for hrs and hrs with no break. and also he can go from screaming to laughing back to screaming again. He bangs his head constantly now this is absolutely terrifying because he doesn’t just bang it when he’s tired or to get attention he just does it all day and has so many bruises everyday. He pulls his hair and grabs his face or anything to hurt himself. He is so clumsy too I just don’t know what to do or where to go?. I haven’t seen a health visitor since he was 4/5 months old. I’m 40 years old he is my 4th kid. my eldest being 23 then I have a 21 year old and a 9 year old then my 18 month old. my 9 year old is falling behind on everything and left out all because I’m so busy or exhausted with the baby because of how he is that it just makes me feel like I don’t want to be here anymore. I have a partner who is nearly 50 he works constantly and we hardly ever see him so it’s not like he can help and when we do have time together he can’t cope with the baby either. I don’t have anyone else to help to just give me that break or advice. I have friends that say I’ll have him so you can have a bath etc.. but most just say it and don’t follow up or when they do I’m stuck if I should sleep have a bath tidy up and then I just end up sitting there stressing myself out and then the baby’s back and it’s back to square one. so it’s just me trying to sort this out but right now I’m at breaking point I just need some guidance or something because I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing anymore I’m just on slow auto pilot feeling numb and useless. Sorry for rambling.

Not sleeping through the night, screaming and banging his head sound worrying.

Can you book in to see the HV or GP? Just to get him checked out?

Hi. I have left a message with the health visitors twice and no reply. I want to go to the drs but I'm not sure what to say as my drs have made feel stupid a few times.

Sending a handhold 💐 It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and long term sleep deprivation is just awful. I would definitely contact the GP and explain the concerns about your son. It helps if you can make some notes before hand so that you remember all the things you are concerned about (it’s so easy in the appointment to forget something). Explain that you have tried contacting the Health Visitor without success.

Get the Ferber sleep training book. It's a game changer.

Also don’t take no for an answer if the GP is dismissive again and the HV doesn’t call you back. Unfortunately the NHS is so overstretched and under staffed that you do have to sometimes keep pestering them until they take you seriously.

As pp said, contact the GP immediately. Make a list of what is concerning you and how long it has been going on for, what you have done about the behaviours - what May or may not have worked etc. Perhaps see a different GP and chase the HV too.

I personally wouldn’t bother with the health visitor - if they suspect it is being caused by a medical problem they will direct you to the GP anyway.

Speak to the GP as soon as you can. My DS was very grumpy and cried a lot, but screaming for literally hours is not normal. And head banging is also not normal.

You need to get it investigated, there could be something causing him pain. So don’t feel like you’re being a nuisance to the GP - it’s your responsibility to get help for your DS.

I think there's two things. First there's getting a check-up for DS. Make a list of your worries about DS to read over the phone or take with you and the baby to the doctor.

• waking and screaming in the night - how often, how long
• playing happily, then suddenly screams for no reason - how often, how long, does anything trivial trigger a screaming session or is it totally out of the blue?
• banging his head - how often, how long, what times of day/night
• clumsiness - write down some examples, espeically things that are worse than most 18 month olds

If you bring a list they're less likely to dismiss you.

Second thing is arranging some help and rest for you. Personally I think that if someone does take the baby for a short time - can your eldest two help out at all? - my own priorities would be: sleep first, bath if I've had a sleep, tidy up would be bottom of the list!

Thank you so much. I know it sounds strange but I needed this so bad to be able to organise it like this into my head and then to write it all down so that's what im currently doing I'm also in queue for the drs. I think my head has gone so much that I can't seem to focus on what I need to do but this has helped massively so thank you.

Thank you 😊

Could your DH support you with this situation and come to the GP with you as a united front, the impact is on you both but you're exhausted so need his support.

It's not fair at all that he's working these hours and unable to take some annual leave to give you a break and support with GP appointments.

You've had some great advice there from @AmaryllisNightAndDay , so i won't bother repeating that.

It doesn't sound typical, which you already know as this is DC4. Keep pushing for help. Head banging in particular.

Does he attend any nursery? If so, ask them to also keep a record. Sometimes these things are more persuasive coming from someone "official".

Look after yourself, OP. This all sounds exhausting. Sod the housework, sleep when you can.

My daughter is 3 and still doesn't sleep through the night, waking multiple times a night. We can listen to her crying and whimpering in her sleep for about an hour before she wakes up. She has silent reflux that isn't controlled by medication.

Did you get through to the GP surgery @Amivickery ? Hope you’ve got an appointment 🤞🏼

I managed to get through to the drs and they told me to make an appointment with the health visitor to do a home visit for a developmental test first. I Spoke to the health visitor on the phone and she is on leave till tomorrow so waiting for a call to arrange it all but she said it's all very concerning behaviour and that she is going to help as much as she can so fingers crossed. I already feel better just being listened to and not passing it off as if it's normal so I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you 😊

I'm really glad you've got somewhere with the health visitor.
Your child's behaviour does sound concerning.
I'm sorry about my previous post about sleep training. I didn't realise there was so much going on during the day as well. I should've read your OP better.

That’s great news, sounds like they are listening to you now and taking it seriously. Hopefully that’s a little weight off your shoulders already. I hope the HV can come round really soon for an assessment and can then signpost you for relevant help. Remember - don’t take no for an answer! x