Baby hates public toilets

[Prebtaf]

Five month old baby has started to show fear when I take him to be changed in a public baby change space. He starts to look frightened and makes a scared face as soon as I put him on changing area then cries but in a fearful way.

I have no idea where this has come from as I've always been with him - could I have made a fearful expression one time and he's picked up on something? I did show fear once during bathtime as baby bath nearly fell off its stand but I scooped him up in time and he was unharmed (physically) but perhaps the incident has scared him permanently? This was over a month ago and I promptly got rid of the stand and changed approach but he's been more subdued at bathtime since.

I try everything I can to make him feel better - talk to him and sing him songs while trying to change him as quickly as possible. Can't help but worry I've done something wrong with bath incident and scarred him for life or set him up to be an anxious child. Obviously I have to change him when we're out so can't avoid this and don't want to avoid going out but I feel so heartbroken when I see how scared he gets.

Public toilets are quite loud and bright and have hard surfaces. He's probably just uncomfortable. Do you have anywhere with a nicer changing room near you e.g. John Lewis? Do you get the same reaction there?

I doubt it's anything to do with the whole bath situation and he's not scarred for life.

I never changed mine in a baby changing room. Just changed in the pram or in the boot of the car much easier

It's probably just too cold bright and noisy.

you sound like you are massively over analysing stuff and anxious - babies constantly change and develop their personalities.

It's probably just too loud and bright, they're not exactly nice places.

I rarely changed mine in baby change toilets, they're just grim. I'd find a quiet spot outside (there's a handy quiet churchyard in our town), or used the boot of the car. Or John Lewis have better facilities, if the weather is bad.

No, you haven't scarred him. Babies go through phases of not liking things - my DD used to start sobbing in lifts as soon as we walked in and we had to pick her up and she'd bury her head in our shoulder until we got out. She was about 8 months maybe, but she doesn't do it anymore.

Public toilets are loud, bright, the changing mat will be cold, and he'll just want to be picked up. Even when he grows out of being scared, it's not a pleasant relaxing place that anyone would actively enjoy.
The bath incident wouldn't have affected him, and if it had, he wouldn't relate that to a public toilet.

However, it sounds like you are quite stressed by the situation, and that may be slightly exacerbating it if he picks up that you're a bit worried. That's not going to cause long term problems or anything, it's just a suggestion that maybe at the time it's a bit of a cycle of him getting worried so you get stressed so he gets more worried etc.?

I'm a first time mum so had no idea babies got like this about toilets or lifts. If it's normal then that makes me feel better

You are worrying about nothing. He isn't scared, or scarred, he is just uncomfortable, and he will have to put up with it for the short time that you are changing him. He will be fine!

Completely normal. Mine went through this phase. I think it was the bright lights and noise of the hand driers. Of course now she is a toddler and hand driers are the best thing ever. And pay no attention to PPs saying you don’t need to use baby changes. You do what’s easiest for you.

Do you have a soft changing mat to bring with you to put onto the changing table? I got a free one from Jojomaman. The changing tables are hard and cold.

I think most babies/toddlers go through a stage of hating public loos. With one of mine it lasted several years - hated the hand dryers. She always managed to walk under them which resulted in a massive noise just above her head and a blast of hot air straight down! Started way before she was walking though.

Could be the hand dryers. Not sure what you do about that though.

Ah bless you. It is completely normal. Babies and children can be plain weird at times! Your job is to help them through, learn to adapt etc so don't change what you're doing. It will pass.

Mine are 5 and 3 and still hate the sound of the hand dryers. Public toilets are also very bright and busy. I very much doubt it's anything you've done. If you can, change baby elsewhere , otherwise I don't think there's much you can do other than be as quick as you can. I remember changing them screaming their heads off in public loos, very stressful!

I feel the same as your son in most public toilets 😁It's most likely a phase, try and make positive associations, singing is a good way to entertain, promises of cuddles, peek-a-boo etc.

Are you changing in baby change rooms or the ladies? DS hated the ladies as he hated the sound of handryers (still hates them at nearly 4). He preferred standalone baby change rooms or the large baby change areas made for young children that you get in some cities.

This sort of thing isn't uncommon so don't overthink it.. Some babies hate places like public toilets. My DD2 did.

They are uncomfortable places, bright lights, lots of people coming in and out, sudden loud noises like hand dryers bursting into life suddenly and toilets flushing. Smelly sometimes too and those baby changers do look hugely uncomfortable, especially if they are the pull down from the wall sort (which seem precarious to me even with straps on).

There's nothing you can do except just remain calm yourself and get the change over with as quickly as possible.

This phase isn't forever. You've done nothing to cause it. These are all sights, sounds and sensations that children have to get used to as they grow, and most do as they outgrow the fear stage.

To be fair I am scared of some public toilets. They can be a bit grim, with lots of usual smells and sounds, and weird people. I wouldn't fret about it, just do what you need to do as normally as possible.

Don't overthink it if possible, babies and children go through phases of being scared of all sorts of things, wait til they decide they're going to get sucked down the plughole, that's a lively one!

Your job is just to be their safe place and to comfort them and show them that you can handle these things together, whether it's public toilet changing mats or exams. You sound loving and caring and like you're doing a great job, give yourself a massive break and a pat on the back.

DS had always been fine with baby changing rooms, but once he was potty trained, he became terrified of them for a few weeks and refused to go in. No idea why! We often ended up using a Carry Potty in the hallway outside the loo!

He also used lifts since he was a newborn as we used to live in a flat but for the past couple of months he’s suddenly wanted to be picked up before he goes into the lift. He’s 2.5.

They get all sorts of random fears when they’re small - completely normal and nothing you would have done to cause it!

This. You worrying about it will make it worse. Babies won’t be happy all the time, that’s normal!

Is it the sound of the hand dryer? My little one is the same age and HATES it

It's the bright lights they don't like.

Bless you, you've not done anything wrong OP. Sounds like he's freaked out about something - who knows why. The light, the hairdryer, could be anything. One of mine hated hairdryers, for sure .

It's really stressful when they're bawling at you but sometimes you do have to do things even if they're expressing displeasure. You know it's not dangerous for him, so just focus on what you need to do and leave as soon as you can. He'll learn that discomfort doesn't last and that his mummy takes him away from uncomfortable situations (within a reasonable time) so that's useful too.

Mine didn’t like them much either. It’s okay, he won’t be traumatised.

Just talk to him as normal, change him as quickly as possible and comfort him.

My worst experience was having to change a poonami on the floor of a McDonald’s toilet while DS 4 months screamed blue murder and thrashed around.

The disabled toilet with the changing table was occupied and I couldn’t wait as it was already seeping through his clothes.

I think it’s difficult for people who have generally content babies because when they cry you feel like you’ve done something to “make” them cry.

Whereas my DS was generally grumpy and would cry most of the time anyway regardless of what I did, so I didn’t have to worry about not upsetting him. Silver linings..