Feeling guilty about adding formula to BF baby

[Bunny2021]

I was adamant about breastfeeding DC1 - to the detriment of my mental health.

When I became pregnant with DC2, I said I wouldn’t have any guilt in giving formula earlier than I did with DC1 given everything I went through last time. However, it has come to it now, and I feel guilty about adding 1-2 bottles of formula a day just to give myself a break.

DC2 is 5 weeks old and I’ve given myself a target of feeding up to 6 weeks.

I’m expressing once a day in order for my DH to give DC2 a bottle. We also paid for DC2 to have her tounge tie so I also feel guilty about increasing bottles/switching to formula.

I know it’s ridiculous as I need to do what is right by me as well as my daughter but I just can’t shake this feeling of guilt.

Have you tried expressing?

It literally says in the op that she’s expressing

My bad

If that's what you need to do for your own sanity try not to feel too bad.

Unfortunately guilt seems to be one of those annoying feelings that you can't just turn off.

Tongue tie can cause problems with bottle feeding as well as breastfeeding so it's probably a good thing you got that sorted either way.

No need for guilt. Formula is a useful tool in the arsenal of parenting. If it helps you then it helps you! There are so many things that we can beat ourselves up about regarding parenting, and it just isn't necessary.

Honestly do your best to ditch the guilt .

this is why I hate the breast is best mantra … it doesn’t take any variables into account , including mums mh .

I have a teenager breast fed till he was nearly two . I can tell you he eats as much beige food as the rest of his peers . Seems to think all vegetables were made of poison..

Do what’s best for you all

Don't put pressure on yourself or give yourself targets if it is affecting you that badly... if you need to use formula, use formula. Your baby will be fed and happy and you will get the break you need.

I’m not actually sure what you’re even feeling guilty about. I’m fairly sure that I’ve read that mixed feeding gives all the same benefits to the child as exclusive breast feeding. They still get the immunity benefits and still get the nice skin to skin and closeness of being with their mum but now also get a slightly more rested and hassled parent. Maybe try to actually put words about what you feel guilty about because it might help you to see that it isn’t really rational. Do what suits the family and ditch the guilt.

Your feeling of guilt is just an internalised manifestation of all the misogynistic shit that culture and society loads on women all the time for failing to be unattainably perfect. I presume you manage to not feel guilty about all the other ways you don't achieve unrealistic ideals?

You have already done brilliantly breastfeeding as long as you have, your baby has recieved significant immune boosts over the last few weeks. You are doing great. The difference in the benefits to your baby if you could exactly quantify the difference between remaining fully bf for longer/increasing formula now would be so incrementally tiny that it's really not a big deal as far as your baby is concerned, and the difference it can make to your own health and sanity if the change means you don't have to go mad with sleep deprivation is also hugely beneficial to your baby, much more so than a little bit more breastmilk.

I have combi fed all mine and I'm delighted at 12 weeks my littlest is thriving. I breastfeed in the morning and evening as that is our time and she enjoys the suckling at night. Throughout the day I give formula with the odd breastfeed here and there. Works well for us. Don't feel guilty. Do the best thing for you. Breastfeeding is amazing but it can be hard work for Mum and time consuming too. If you need a break giving formula won't do any harm.

Don't feel guilty. I had similar situation with DC1 so with DC 2 I most BF but formula fed too so DH could help and I ended up feeding him until he was 2 years old. If I had tried to solely do it alone I wouldn't have lasted more than a few months so it worked for us. I did I risk it express but didn't work great long term but baby happily took both so worked for us to combi feed.

I started typing a long reply about my mixed feeding experiences but realised I was waffling and the main thing I wanted to say is that my guilt and disappointment did pass eventually! So often we mums beat ourselves up when everything isn't as perfect as we'd like it to be but everyone's experience is different and the vast majority of us are just doing the best we can with the hand we've been dealt. She's had a great start in life, formula is a perfectly good way of feeding a baby and she's still going to be getting breast milk. You're doing brilliantly even if it'll only be when you look back in a few years that you can really appreciate how much. Honestly, I look back now and wonder how my younger self did it all and wish I could go back in time to give her a hug, make her a cup of tea and tell her to go and have a nap while I watch the children for a few hours!

From someone who tied herself in knots over this when my own children were babies, please take a moment to stand back and look at this objectively. In 5 years’ time your baby is going to be eating a varied diet comprising varying levels of nutrition and healthiness (for want of a better description).

It’s absolutely not worth compromising your mental health by holding yourself to a strict arbitrary goal of exclusively breastfeeding for a set amount of time. Fed is best! A happy, engaged and calm mum is everything. You can’t pour from any empty cup and you matter too. Big hugs x

Don't feel guilty OP. In my opinion, combi-feeding is the best of both words- it allowed me to continue breastfeeding for longer, as it gave me a break. I really do wish there was more support & information about combi-feeding as it can really benefit everyone.
We did it with DD out of necessity as my milk supply was badly affected by postpartum blood loss & DD was losing weight so we were told to give formula to top up. We carried on with it, which meant DH or others could feed her if I wasn't around.
When we had DS we decided to combi-feed from the outset; worked brilliantly.
Do what you need to do - but don't give into guilt about this. You're doing amazing.

I beat myself up about not breastfeeding when my babies were tiny - by the time they started school I barely gave it a moment’s thought and now they’re teenagers it never crosses my mind!

Honestly do the best thing for your mental health - and if that’s formula go for it 🥰.

No need to feel guilty at all Op! Formula is fine and life saving!

I had to express/combi feed my first baby due to lack of supply and no latch. It was terrible and I was so exhausted it really affected my mental and physical health. Only did it because of the guilt.

I’m due my second in a few weeks, I will not risk a low supply again so I will be attempting some colostrum but I will be going straight to formula.

Please don’t feel guilt at all. You also matter :)

Your hapiness matters.

I'm a teacher. I have no idea which of my pupils were breast/bottle fed. I also have 3 children and I bet you couldn't tell me which was EBF, which one had bottles of expressed and which one had a mix of breast/formula. What I CAN tell you is that mum being stressed and unhappy DOES affect children. I can tell you which teenagers have mums that feel inadequate. Let go of the guilt. How you feed is so much less important than your hapiness.

BF is really hard, I struggled with it, particularly with my first DS, often gave him a bottle at night in the first few weeks.

Agree with @YireosDodeAver. Most advice about breastfeeding is very misogynistic.

Thank you everyone. Feeling much better about it. The support here has been great. Thank you.