So sick of having a baby that doesn't sleep

[Purple89]

Just wanting to moan really.

She is nearly a year old and we still get mostly 45 minute naps. Very occasionally she will do longer but rarely. And not reliably.

Won't sleep in the pram or car unless absolutely exhausted, and even then only for 30 minutes.

Her night sleep is also rubbish. A good night is 2 wake ups and then up for the day at 6. A bad night can involve split nights or hourly or 2 hourly wake ups.

I co sleep most of the night from desperation not choice. She is formula fed and not waking for milk- I often offer her a bottle but she doesn't want it. She eats solids brilliantly. Does have allergies but they are now addressed and she is thriving growth wise.

With the cosleeping, she kicks and moves around, scratches and so on, so I don't get good quality sleep but do at least snooze. I have set up a floor bed for her in her nursery but that hasn't improved anything so far.

Just completely fed up. I've tried routine and wake windows, she uses a dummy, I even hired a gentle sleep consultant but nothing has worked so far.

Please tell me it gets better. I'm just so frustrated.

My DS was like this; I really despaired and I pretty much tried everything. In the end all I could do was go to bed early, share the load with my DH ad much as possible and try to catch up on weekend lie ins. Over time he got a lot better and I just had to wait it out

I had just really thought it would be better by now. When the 4 month regression hit everyone said ride it out it will get better.

It never really has and now I have an almost toddler headbutting me in her sleep and scratching my arms and I just feel utterly sick of it.

Thank-you @Khvdrt for your reply I really appreciate it. When did it get better for you?

It sounds exactly like the shit I had to deal with when it came to my first son!

I was going to come and rave about the amazing sleep consultant that I used who absolutely changed my baby’s sleep and completely changed our life……but it seems you’ve already tried that.

If you feel like giving someone else a go then PM me and I can share her Facebook page details 👍

I contacted her directly via her FB page.

Just want to say you're not the only one! I have somewhat given up now, accepting my fate and just trying to focus on other things that make me feel rested/catch up a bit on sleep over the weekend when I have help.

Trying to change things stressed me out more because its just the baby I have. Not to say it can't be improved by some things, although it sounds like you've tried stuff.

Eye-bagged solidarity!

It WILL get better. Sorry it's so shit now.

My eldest had obstructive sleep apnoea so we had hourly wakes until corrected by surgery at 2.5. There was nothing we could do about it. To my surprise, we all survived the sleep deprivation! She sleeps totally fine now.

I don't want to give you sleep advice as I'm certain you've looked into it! There will be something causing the disruption. Eventually you will work it out or it will work itself out. In the meantime look after yourself.

It does get better. My DD was like this and first slept through when she was 2. Since then she rarely wakes at night unless shes ill or has a bad dream, and I managed to stop co sleeping as it got to the point where neither of us were getting much sleep with her thrashing about! It is really hard, especially when all your friend's babies sleep and they're full of 'helpful advice' that never works. To be honest we tried absolutely everything to get her to sleep better at night and nap longer, all the methods and bedding and lights and sounds, none of it worked, she just grew into sleeping. We used to do a night each so we could get at least some sleep, and that's how we survived!

Completely sympathise, my DD didn’t start sleeping through until 2 (DS slept reliably from 6 months and we did the same things with both) she could be awake several times or for hours at a time. Was at my wits end, spent so much on sleep consultant etc. eventually we ended up doing v small timed intervals, never letting her get upset but it’s literally the only thing that worked in the end. So so hard but she did eventually sleep and now sleeps great (she’s 3.5 and has been pretty good since 2)

My DS was like this until he was 3. That might be painful to hear but if I'm honest, I think back and wish someone had told me that it could continue for years as I'd have been able to change my mental attitude towards it all.

He's now 5 and sleeps through the night. I know it's so, so tough but it will end eventually... sometimes it's just out of your hands and one of those very challenging things that you have to come to accept.

My oldest woke hourly until 2ish. He's 4.5 now, still co sleeping, usually wakes once or twice for fortified milk out of real hunger (restrictive food issues, underweight). Often just grabs it himself now (long life oat for allergies, mini fridge in summer...), and potties without waking me. There's not much to be done when a child is waking from hunger when you have fortified milk, are under dietician, paediatrician, etc, beyond training them to disrupt everyone else less...

He has slept through more since starting school than ever before. 3 nights in a row once! His baby sister also co sleeps with us, sleeps through maybe half the time now at almost 2. She's still breastfed, but helps herself overnight often, which I appreciate!

My message is that, even if it takes a WHILE to improve, you will survive. I've worked full time from home, 3 months maternity with first, 7 months with second, and I'm still alive! I have a genuinely equal dp who has basically taken over the home, washing, cleaning, cooking in recognition of his full nights sleep - he also works full time. Support is the key thing I think, when faced with this.

Sleep training.
She'll be happier too, getting a proper night's sleep.
Look at some of the stories on MN, plenty of people in the same situation with 5 year olds. That's a real possibility.

I'm not sure you will want to hear the when it got better, but I promise it will get better.
Either because they start sleeping longer, or because they get the understanding that waking Mummy for the hell of it results in grumpy Mummy! DS1 got he message about 3.5 y that waking me didn't get smiles. And about 5 before I regularly got a full night sleep most nights. I still dont think he sleeps through - and he is my height now. But he does entertain himself at 3am.
It's also not unknown for me to be woken up at 7am at the weekends to the smell of pancakes cooking. So there are some long term benifits!

Thank you all so much for the lovely messages. I was in a truly foul mood earlier after another 45 minute nap where my lunch lay abandoned on the side whilst I tried to rock her back to sleep (trying to extend her naps). I'm calming down now.

I actually really appreciate you all being honest about how long it took because I think if I'd have known I would still be in this position, with a nearly 1 year old, eight months ago I would have been able to face up to it. Rather than thinking each night things would improve and being sorely disappointed.

The other thing is that I'm going back to work 4 days a week in a couple of weeks and so time is going to be in really short supply. I have to go to bed early at the moment to get any semblance of a decent night's kip, but with laundry cooking life admin etc I honestly don't know where I'm going to find the time. Especially because even on my days with her I'm not going to get any time to do stuff because of her short naps. She is a lovely but very demanding baby when she's awake so I don't get much done while I'm looking after her. I'm sure I will muddle through though.

Outsource what you can, and do the household stuff that needs doing, and stuff that makes you feel better (for me I like my living room table to be cleared lol) and relax standard's on other stuff.

I do stuff when DD is awake, chatting to her etc showing her stuff (she will tend to cry when I'm cooking though which is very stressful but I have to cook). She also mostly contact naps or naps by feeding to sleep and me rolling away (30-40min naps) so I use her nap times to relax.