feeling inadequate, guilty and a bit useless....DC's 4 and 1....

[lucylala]

Just a bit of background: I've got a 4yr old and a 1yr old. Have a lovely hubby, 2 sets of grandparents nearby who are fab and do loads with kids, I work part time and the kids are lovely, pretty easy going, no special needs etc....so why can't I cope???

My hubby went away for the weekend and being with 2 kids on my own has nearly killed me! I was utterly utterly exhausted and just DESPERATE for hubby to come home. I spent most of weekend with my girlfriends and their kids (cos our hubby's had gone away together) and although that was a massive help I still found it overwhelming. The 4yr old just never stops talking 'mummy, mummy' and my 14mth old is just into everything, falling over, empting cupboards, grabbing things...you can imagine.

I feel so guilt and inadequate, that even with LOADS of help and a fantastic husband I am finding motherhood so tiring and exhausting and stressful. I look round at other mothers and none of them are in my lucky position of having so much support and they all seem to cope better than I do. My house looks like a bomb's hit it, we are drowning in washing and a million jobs to do which never get done. I feel so guilty knowing that so many mothers have it worse than me and yet I still can't do it.

I'm not depressed or anything like that - just utterly utterly stressed and knackered!

Talk to me please....

lucylala please don't feel guilty or useless or any of the other things you think you are! You've just had a tricky weekend that's all, and motherhood is "tiring and exhausiting and stressful" as you've so rightly put it- whether or not you have an army of helpers or a wonderful family or none of the above.

Being a mum brings with it lots of guilt (nobody warned me about it and I too found it a bit of a shock!)but you've just got to let it go, be kind to yourself you are the best mum in the world to your children because you are theirs- and all anyone can do is get through it however you can.

Don't compare yourself to how you think others handle things, we all put on "front" whether intentional or not and I bet if you could scrape under the surface the other mums are facing similarly tough times.

If it's any help I could have written your post yesterday and I only have one child

Are you at work today or home?

next time your dh goes away hand over 4 year old to a willing grandparent fo the weekend
things will be alot easier then!

Lucy don't feel bad, I know if my dh goes away I'm like 'oh noooo' cos he's dead good with dd. I take cover at my friend's house!! And I only have 1 child. And really, you don't want to see my house. My ironing pile threatens to take over my bedroom. I need a week's notice to have any visitors! I tend to have priority things which do need to get done - clean bathrooms, kitchen and tidy toys away each night. after that anything goes really...

lucy lala - if you got through the weekend with you and both dcs alive you are a great parent

I have 2 dds (4.5 and 15 months). It's hard work! I have to go out during the day otherwise there will be tears (possibly mine). Some days I feel like I am barely coping. I have been known to sit on the buggy board, with my head in my hands, unable to move.

It's a relief when dh is around. Even if he doesn't help out, it just feels like there is some support there.

I am in total awe of lone parents who have to do this all the time - you are saints.

My mum was not all helpful - telling me it was my age. The age difference between me and my brother means that he was at school and reading when I was toddling - but she seems to have conveniently forgotten this and obviously just thinks I'm rubbish at coping (in my mind )

Some days things seem to go OK, others (especially when they are ill) are absolute murder. My friends seem to have experienced the same things, so I know I'm not alone. Others can seem like they've got it all together - but often they either have help (willing relatives), or they having a 'good' patch when you're having a bad one. Next week it will be their little darling who puts s tin of mushy peas in the washing machine, while their other dd makes porridge patterns all over the floor......

I only have one. My friends make me feel like the luckiest woman alive because I'm SAHM in nice house, nice family, no real problems. My DS is gorgeous and I can't F*ing cope at all some days.

You are not alone.