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Parenting

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Original poster

Children and sport - do you let them chose?

22 replies

Rainbowstr · 29/10/2023 22:08

Hi mums, we have a 9 year old boy who has always done karate since he was 5, he's not great at it but doesn't really complain about doing it twice a week (his dad and brother do it too, so it runs in the family) lately he's been unhappy about going and has been telling us lately he wants to quit and not do it anymore as he really doesn't enjoy it. We would love him to stick with it and could force him to do it (unhappily) but at what stage do you let them chose?

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Patchworksack · 29/10/2023 22:11

If he’s consistently unhappy let him quit. I’d probably say he needs to stick the rest of the term or whatever you have paid for. It’s good for them to do a sport though - is there something else he’d like to try? My exception is swimming, they have to go to lessons until they can swim 50m.

RosiePeel · 29/10/2023 22:12

With sport I am more relaxed but swimming and a music lesson are non-negotiable in our house.

Why doesn't he enjoy it anymore and can you help him love it again? I find with my kids they enjoy it when they feel like they shine at it, but when their self-esteem gets low they want to stop so we work on that. They both love a certain sports but have definitely had periods where they want to stop but that was temporary. Four years is a long time to just give up.

Notmetoo · 29/10/2023 22:13

Apart from learning to swimming sport should be optional why make.him do something he doesn't like and doesn't have much interest in. Perhaps there is something else he would like?

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7Worfs · 29/10/2023 22:14

I think he’s given it a fair chance - 4 years, and it probably doesn’t help that there are family expectations.

I’d ask him what he would like to swap it for and put him onto a new sport of his choosing.

SavBlancTonight · 29/10/2023 22:15

I would let him give up but at a natural break - end of.term. I would also want him to do something instead.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2023 22:16

Let me know the alternative isn't sitting on his arse and let him choose something else.

We've gone through everything from dance to rock climbing and DD always has something on the go.

BethTalk2thehandpodcast · 29/10/2023 22:16

Are there other activities he is showing an interest in?

YikYok · 29/10/2023 22:16

i’d probe what he doesn’t like about it, then let him stop and then help him find something else to try.

9 is old enough to have an opinion

RedCoffeeCup · 29/10/2023 22:16

At age 9 I would definitely let him choose (as long as he's been saying it for several weeks, not just a couple of weeks). What's the point in forcing him if he dislikes it? Find another activity to try.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2023 22:16

Let me know the alternative isn't sitting on his arse and let him choose something else.

We've gone through everything from dance to rock climbing and DD always has something on the go.

Not me, him.

Although someone should also tell me not to sit on my arse periodically!

Topseyt123 · 29/10/2023 22:17

Why would you force him to continue it?

Let him choose what sport he wishes to do, and even if he wants to do one at all. Perhaps tell him that he should attend all of the sessions you have already paid for but then he can quit and/or choose something else if he wishes.

I wouldn't force any of this.

RedCoffeeCup · 29/10/2023 22:17

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2023 22:16

Not me, him.

Although someone should also tell me not to sit on my arse periodically!

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Houseplanter · 29/10/2023 22:18

In my view children need to learn to swim well enough to not drown if they fell in the canal

After that it's optional. Children have enough forced learning as it is.

DelurkingAJ · 29/10/2023 22:19

Always a choice apart from swimming. I don’t know what I’d do though if they would only do sedentary activities…but it doesn’t sound like that’s the problem?

Lizzieregina · 29/10/2023 22:20

Definitely let him choose something else once the paid for sessions are used up. But I would require him to have a regular physical activity.

My kids could always choose what to do, but once we had paid, they were stuck for the session (barring something a bit extreme).

swimming and piano were non negotiable until they were competent.

PuttingDownRoots · 29/10/2023 22:21

Let him chose something different.

ohme · 29/10/2023 22:21

lately he's been unhappy about going and has been telling us lately he wants to quit and not do it anymore as he really doesn't enjoy it.

Listen to him.

Tell him he doesn't have to go anymore. There is little benefit in him doing something that makes him unhappy, as a 9 year old

Catscatscatscatscatscats · 29/10/2023 22:22

Hmm would you continue to do something in your spare time that you didn't enjoy?

SummerInSun · 29/10/2023 22:23

But why would you "love him to stick with it"? Presumably because it gives your DH and other DS lots of fun and joy and you want your younger DS to have lots of fun and joy. But the key point you are missing it that it's NOT giving HIM fun and joy. He's done it for four years, he's now old enough to start to understand that he should have some autonomy in what does, and it's finally occurred to him to ask to stop. At 9 I would absolutely listen to him.

You may want to say that playing one sport is a non-negotiable if you value it for fitness, learning good sportsmanship, teamwork, etc, but you should let him choose. Why not see if he can do some taster sessions at things his friends do a football, rugby, hockey, tennis, fencing, whatever, and then sign him up for a term of whatever he chooses and see how it goes.

As PP has said, the only non-negotiable for me is swimming as that's for safety.

Antst · 29/10/2023 22:24

I'd absolutely let him choose at any point. KIds are forced to do so many things. Sports should be fun. The only exception would be if they didn't want to do any kind of exercise or only wanted to do things that weren't feasible. In that case, they'd have to choose something.

At the same time, if the kid asked to do something and then wanted to give it up without giving it a good try (especially if it cost money to sign up), I'd probably say no.

It sounds like your son has given karate a good shot. He has consistently said he's over it. Stop torturing him. You don't want to turn him off sports. Make him pick another physical activity though. Good luck.

HerRoyalNotness · 29/10/2023 22:30

I tell mine to pick another sport if they don’t want to continue the one they’re doing. So far they’ve stuck to it as they couldn’t think of anything else they wanted to play.

Noodledoodledoo · 29/10/2023 22:44

All of my children's extra curricular activities are up to them, bar swimming. If we have a wobble we chat about why so its not a knee jerk reaction - DD wanted to quit ballet but when I dug a little deeper it had got a bit hard and a few you tube video practice sessions and we are happy again. They have to see out what I have paid for but they know if I have to fight them to go we call it quits.

I would hate to keep on going to something I didn't enjoy.

Some may think they switch around but most things they do they have stuck with but know they can switch/stop if they want.

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