This week I've had a few nights away from LO (almost 14m) for various logistical reasons (he's with grandparents). I've been away from him for a night or two a handful of times, but usually because we've (DH and I) been doing something (a wedding, a trip out somewhere, etc). This is the first time I've been at home for more than a couple of hours without him unless working from home (he does go to nursery).
I'm suddenly realising how tense I am day to day when he's here?? I'm always thinking, planning, worrying. I feel so calm and relaxed at the moment and it's making me sad that he must only see stressed me (and sad for myself for feeling on edge so often). I don't have specific things I'm worried about really (I worry about him getting poorly as I work a job that is hard to miss days from and we've not got regular family support anywhere near us, I guess).
I really want to change this, I don't want to spend his early years a bundle of anxiety and tense-ness, wishing them away for when I can "worry less" (I realise there is no worrying less! I think I just struggle with the non verbal stages as I'm a very verbal communicator and thinker).
Any tips on how I can encourage myself to relax when he's here more? I feel quite sad realising how keyed up I've been. It's been a tricky few years with deaths and his birth was kinda traumatic - I've been feeling close to burn out and this is a bit of an eye opener to me about why I'm struggling to feel rested and calm.