The over achiever who won’t achieve

[Anony9396]

I have never known a child like my DD, she is just about to turn 6 and has been through every hobby you can think of, we joke that she is an ‘overachiever’, as she excels at whatever hobby she tries but we just can not get her to stick at any single hobby for more than a few months.

She’s done different styles of dance, gymnastics, horse riding, football, ice skating. She stuck at dance for a few months, got the kit/outfits, learnt the dance routine then decided she didn’t need to
go again as she can dance now. Same with football, got the kit, did the training, played a match, won medals/trophy’s, then refused to go again saying why do I need to go again I can play football now. Same with horse riding and ice skating, she picked them up very quickly and can ice skate independently forwards/backwards and ride a horse independently, as soon as she can do it, she goes from loving it to refusing to go on the flip of a switch, saying why does she need to keep going now that she can ride/skate/dance etc.
We have obviously tried all the usual praise, bribery and reasoning on why she should continue with the hobby but she just doesn’t care, when she decides shes done with that hobby there is no getting her to go back 🤷🏼‍♀️
It’s so frustrating knowing she is so good at these hobbies yet is refusing to reach her full potential with even one of them.
Is it an attention thing? She gives up when it’s not new and exciting anymore? Is she just too strong willed? Or am I just expecting too much from someone her age?
Does anyone have a LO like this?

Maybe she just hasn't found the thing she really loves yet? At that age listening to instructions and having good coordination will tend to make them quickly good at anything physical. I'm assuming you've tried showing her professionals doing the various things so she knows there's still a lot to learn if she carries on.

Maybe try a musical instrument? She won't be good at it in 3 months, and it's something of a different nature to what she's tried so far so maybe it'll be 'the one'.

Or drama? If she was an actress, picking up different skills quickly to a convincing-ish level would be a really useful skill for acting different parts.

She's only 6 OP. Give it time. You are really over thinking this. I idly wondered if my DD would have any clear passions and she really does but they didn't really emerge until she was 7 or so.

Also genuine question is she taking up hobbies and activities that you suggest? As she will probably stick with something that she comes up rather than your suggestions and ideas. My dd would have a go at anything I suggested but her heart is in something I never would have thought of. Maybe back off and see what happens.

Personally I'd back off and wait for her to show some interest in something. It sounds as if she does these things because of pressure from you - stop suggesting things to do and she may develop a passion for something on her own. She's only 5 !

It's great that your DD is willing to give everything a go and hurls herself into it fearlessly. In time she might come back to one of these interests. Don't worry about stickability at this age. You are a lovely mum, encouraging her to try these different things. My DD is 15 and has recently realised music theatre is her great love, so is pursuing it with rabid enthusiasm.

To be honest I think you’re the problem here…she sounds overstimulated and like she’s trying hard to please you, but nothing is what she really wants to do. I think don’t put any pressure on her to do extra activities, just let her stay home and do nothing and in time, she’ll suggest something

Your title is a bizarre btw, how does she not not achieve? She sounds like a jack of all
trades, master of none

She's so young still

Actually she's not wrong is she? There are lots of things where it's a cool life skill to learn the basics, but doing it to a high level is a different thing entirely.

Being able to ice skate for example is a cool skill to have when you go with your friends and can show off a bit rather than clinging to the edge (and if you can ice skate you can likely roller blade too). But once you can do that it becomes dull hard grind training, that's not for everyone.

It's okay to not be ambitious and just want to have fun. Particularly when you're 6.

There could be many reasons for it. She could be one of those people who has a natural grasp for many things but the effort involved to master just doesn't seem worth it. I would probably not suggest new hobbies if it's been largely driven by you previously. I would also watch out for other areas of life which might replicate the same characteristics- having things which come naturally to you doesn't always build up the skills to power through and can cause issues later. 6 is very young but there can be signs of things to come.

She's 6, so she is hardly an overachiever.

It's really really normal for kids to irritatingly decide they changed their mind just after you invest in a ton of stuff. Up to you. Personally I didn't allow that, partly as it's an irritating habit and partly to teach staying power. Some were non negotiable - swimming - life skill. Others had a few weeks trial but if I bought the kit or it involved team committment they had to agree to at least a year. But we tried loads of stuff - why not? It's what being young is all about.

We have obviously tried all the usual praise, bribery and reasoning on why she should continue with the hobby but she just doesn’t care, when she decides shes done with that hobby there is no getting her to go back
This is not normal or healthy parenting.

She's six. Back off and let her find her own interests.

Maybe she is burnt out and wants to retire early

To answer some of the questions in the thread, she chooses the hobbies herself without any pressure from me. It’s all entirely child led, she sees something on TV or a film etc and asks to join a club in that activity. We only do one club at a time then once she decides she is finished with that club we have a break until she requests the next hobby. When I said reasoning with her on why she should continue the hobby I meant explain to her the importance of teamwork and commitment, and when I say she just doesn’t care, I meant she doesn’t care for eg that she will be leaving behind the friends she’s made in that particular hobby. She’s a very active child who likes to be busy however we only focus on one club at a time, she almost fixates on that one activity for a period of time, she loves it, asking to do more of it outside the one training day a week that it involves, for eg wanting to spend all weekend doing whichever the hobby is she’s into at the time and it will be all that she talks about. Like i said, it’s all entirely child led, when she decides she done with it then she’s done, I’m not the type of parent to drag her there kicking and screaming although I do try encourage her to stick with it, show her professionals in the sport so she can see there’s still more to learn.
I agree she’s still probably too young to take activities seriously, I’ve just never come across another child quite like her when it comes to hobbies, it’s a shame watching her walk away from the skills and friendships each time.

What happens if you leave her to get bored? What dose she want to do then?

She's so young this really can't have been going on for a long time at any level of seriousness. By which I mean she can't possibly have had multiple teams she needed to commit to. Age 4 + 5, how many teams would really expect that?

If it was my child I would be mainly irritated by buying kits for sports that aren't continuing as it's wasteful but this may not be a concern for you.

Are you worried she is showing signs of autism and hyperfocus/obsession? It's possible, especially if she is obsessed then suddenly loses all interest. But I'd expect other signs as well. Perhaps it's just something to monitor and be aware of rather than act on if this is the only concern. Plenty of six year olds have fleeting obsessions.

Oh God I was that kid. Or very similar. Hyperfocus on things that interested me, not much interested in other things. However I do not have any identifiable ASD traits, and as an adult looked into something I thought I wasn't interested in (accountancy) and it was the making of me career wise.

My DD is very similar.

She's autistic.

Ironically, accountancy is particularly well suited as a career for many people with autistic traits. Sorry ... your comment just made me smile a bit.

She sounds like me.

I'm interested in something until I'm not, usually until it stops being a challenge for me, and then I move onto the next thing.

I used to feel bad about it because people called me fickle or tried to make me stick to things for the heck of it, until someone else pointed out that some of the greatest minds in history (Leonardo Da Vinci, Aristotle, Eleanor Roosevelt, Maya Angelou, Galileo, etc) worked in the same way as mine.

Look up polymaths, multipotentialites, Scanners, Renaissance People... There are many of us out there!

Or just accept she's 6 and her whole job right now as a human is to find out about lots of different elements of life 😉Encourage her curiosity.

You talk about her as if she's about 15! She's 6! That is a huge list of activities for a 6 year old to have even been exposed to. She will have learnt skills from them all don't get me wrong. The important thing is her learning skills and enjoying herself, so what if she wants to move from one thing to another? She's 6, not 16! Honestly, relax, she sounds great.

I think you need to chill OP. She's 6.

You say you don't push her or put her under any pressure and yet your posts have words like achieves, excels, bribery, teamwork, commitment. You show her the professionals in the sport. She's 6. Professional sports people don't really need to be on her radar.

Maybe she'll just never really have a 'thing'. Lots of perfectly happy kids don't have a thing that they do to a high level or regularly. It's OK not to.