Ready to give up!

[Sososoexhausted]

NC for this as I feel like I’m embarrassing myself.

15 months between DC - DS, 4 and DD,3.

DS is very well behaved at school but lately has been throwing awful tantrums and hitting/scratching me/family. The persistent whinging is driving me INSANE. I can visibly see the frustration growing before he hits but he seems too red mist/irritated by me for me to diffuse it.

DD doesn’t say too much, but understands when spoken to. She is a handful to put it nicely. Had baby gates on her room - she climbed 2 different heights and hurt herself so I removed them for her safety. She will not sleep in her own bed, seems be able to run on little sleep - and is headstrong so the routine of putting her back in bed can go on every few minutes between 7-12pm when she will often climb in my bed if I’m asleep, or I’ve lost the battle to put her back (I know, she’s won…)

DH is here but is a wet flannel no matter how many times I speak to him about it. Overly soft or shouty dad due to issues in own childhood - I’ve explained this isn’t helping matters.

I’m just ignored when I try and discipline them and I’ll be fully honest I’ve lost my temper so many times recently I just think I’m a big ball of shouting anger but I’m trying to navigate this persistent behaviour when my brain just feels like static/grey fog (not an excuse - I honestly feel like I’m not functioning). I feel like our house has an undercurrent of angry with all this.

I am so tired, like white flag, tap out exhaustion. Thought it was MH related but truthfully the tablets just made me groggy and a worse parent as they spaced me out. I honestly feel like I need to hire someone to help me parent at this point I’m so overwhelmed.

Some days are such a battle I don’t have a chance to shower/bath, I work 40/50 hours and my house - which was once very nice - is embarrassing now. But if I focus on say washing, everything else slips. I can’t seem to get a grasp on it all.

Has anyone else felt this rock bottom and it got better? Any help or advice would be hugely appreciated.

Sounds really tough. Do you have to work so many hours? I did the same with kids close together at that age and now wonder why. If you do can you get other support, a cleaner, a teenager to be a ‘mother’s help ‘ for a few hours (sounds a bit retro but I found it helpful.

If your DS is in reception that is a big adjustment and likely to be reason his behaviour at home has changed, so might get better over this year. Can you just let DD sleep in your bed so you both at least get more sleep which makes everything easier. If necessary does she have a full length bed you can decamp to, or DH, if 3 of you can’t sleep well in your bed. In many cultures 3 year olds would still sleep with parents, might not be worth choosing that battle at this point.

If your DH just can’t do discipline at this point for reasons you understand can he either do a parenting course or you agree areas of responsibility that he can do. Eg how do you divide cooking/shopping, tidying toys away when children are in bed (hopefully). I remember being so exhausted that all I wanted to do was stare at a blank wall, and I had other friends who felt the same at that stage. Hope you can find the energy to sort things out so you’re all happier, wishing you sleep and strength!