No family/friend support for childcare - tips to help?

[Marmitecatbean]

Just wondering if there's many others here who have no family or friends nearby and do 100% of their childcare alone or between them and their partner?

I have a toddler and now a new baby and it can feel hugely lonely at times, especially seeing other who have parents/in laws for support and I wondered if anyone had any tips/stories for managing?

Actually in her post OP asked for tips on how to manage and my answer was valid: paid childcare. As she has already stated family support is not an option I'm not sure which other magical solution I'm supposed to find?

Good routine that works for you and get out every day. Join groups and make friends.

Take turns at giving each other time to yourselves and also planning date nights at home.

It is tough especially in the early years.

“Well then either stop having more children that you can't afford or stop complaining about it online. 🤷‍♀️”

Why are you even on mumsnet? You seem to only want to berate mothers who are having a tough time of it.

It seems to me that in real life and in here, negative is the only acceptable narrative. Try posting anything positive about breastfeeding and see what happens to you!

Sorry, wrong thread!

No we don’t except in an emergency , it’s been nursery, childminders and babysitters for us

Thanks for the kind words and tips.

Sometimes it can feel like I'm the only one who doesn't have family visiting (esp in the area I live, where most people have family close by) so it's comforting to know the feeling of loneliness does get better. And I will try to get to more mum/baby groups once my youngest is a little older to meet more people.

100% here too and my son is severely autistic. We snatch moments when we can but it's tiring

It's incredibly hard and lonely without some kind of support. I have no family alive so never had any family help, which is why I worked hard to build a support network of mum friends through antenatal classes and local playgroups when my first son was born.

It's very lonely and hard! My parents and in-laws help with nieces and nephews too which is frustrating! My advice would be to utilise childcare as much as you can and try and ultimately not to expect anything from anyone else. C

We manage between me and DH just fine. DH works locally and is out of the house from 8.15am-5.30pm Mon-Fri, so is around to help in mornings and evenings. He's able to wfh when he likes, and can take time off at short notice, but he only does this for necessary appointments (we try to keep as much leave for actual holidays).

I don't find it lonely but I'm not a particularly sociable person. I use toddler groups and classes daily but more to give structure and to entertain the dc, not to make friends for me. We aren't keen on using babysitters until the dc are older, so DH and I don't go out in the evenings. But I'm happy with that and I like the routine of being home with the dc and doing their bath and bedtimes. I don't find it overwhelming to be with my dc all day but she's quite independent and can amuse herself, and our age gap meant the eldest is in school now so I have just one child to deal with most of the day.

We used paid nursery from age 2.3 for my older dc and my toddler will go to a preschool for mornings at that age. Until then I won't have any child-free time and toddler comes with me everywhere except certain medical appointments where I can't have a child with me, but I'm a sahm long-term so I will get plenty of free time when both are in full-time school.

My goodness your answer has just angered me. It's very one sided and I meant you obviously lack any empathy or possibility to try and understand that everyone has they're own story.

Sometimes things change after children , some will be suddenly left and abandoned by some idiot partner, some people have been effected by domestic abuse. The latter can immediately be isolating mama away from the family and friends. Think about what your saying see how your very judgmental but lack simple empathy.