Inconsistent vs absent parent?

[LD233]

My child's father has been inconsistent since birth and he is now 3 months old.. he has gone 2 weeks without seeing him.before and now going two weeks again
He always cancels , is late or let's him down
I have tried to write up an agreement but he's not agreeing to anything I suggest.
He says he cant be bothered to drive 40 minutes here in the week to see his son for an hour and on weekends he can only do set times as he has another son who he clearly prioritises

I am so fed up of fighting for him to see him and make effort and feel like cutting contact to protect my child. I have give him so many chances and he blows every one of them

I don't feel its fair he comes on his terms and comes and goes whenever he feels like it

I have fought for 3 months for him to be consistent- I can't do anymore I'm on anti depressants for PND also. He already put me through hell in my pregnancy left me to do it alone for another woman and I've struggled with that also but trying to put child first.

Can anyone suggest anything or shall I just continue to allow him to be inconsistent and pop in and out of our child's life whenever he feels like it?
It breaks my heart for my son already because I really wanted him to have a bond with his dad. But I feel he barely knows him when he's not making any effort to see him

I wouldn’t bother, you cannot make him be in your child’s life. Take care of yourself and your son. My DH ‘s Dad let him down on visits, mother in law said if he let him down again, that would be the last time he would see him, he never saw him again, all his remaining life.

Why on earth are you wasting precious time and energy forcing someone who isn’t bothered about our baby to spend time with them?

Is he paying CMS? That should be your primary focus. Not forcing interaction

You're better off asking him what he can commit to, quarterly? If he can't manage that, then reduce it to twice a year.

My kids saw their father twice a year and obviously that's not ideal, but it was enough to answer questions they would have had about an absent man. But it wasn't enough for him to imbue them with his toxic mindset ( he is without fault he believes, everybody around him wronged him or is incompetent or both)

And your 3 month old doesn’t know his arse from his elbow. All he needs is you

You can't make someone consistent. If he's a nightmare, there will be an element of not doing as you ask because you're an ex and he doesn't want to do as you say. Stop asking him to see his child.

If he can commit to once a fortnight then that's what you'll have to accept. Consistent but infrequent contact (even once a month or less) might be worth pursuing - especially as there's another sibling that your son might want to know too.

It sounds like you’ve been through an awful time. I think the sooner you accept he’s not going to be the father you were hoping for the easier it will be for you. No I wouldn’t cut off contact, I find this is often more about the frustration PWC being let down than what is in the interest of the child.
Most children have people involved in their lives who play a valuable role despite not being there all the time, grandparents, extended family, friends etc. It seems like this is the role his dad is going to play, for your DC this is probably better than nothing (as long as he’s not abusive), how you frame it to your child will make the world of difference as to whether your child feels let down by the situation.
Hopefully his father might change as he builds more of a bond or if his own circumstances change.