Feeling like a bad mum

[NEAKT5]

This is more of a rant than anything. I just feel so deflated lately like I’m not doing enough with my two boys (3 and almost 2). We can’t afford to go anywhere exciting at the weekends at the minute and partner works shifts meaning sometimes he’s in at weekends. I work every weekday morning, my 3 year old goes to nursery each week day until I finish work and my youngest either with my partner or my parents. I feel like I should be doing so much with them at weekends or even in the afternoons but I’m so tired and find my patience levels are low lately. There is a lot going on at work at the minute with covering extra work etc for low staffing and it’s been like that a lot of the year which isn’t helping home life patience I don’t think.

I do painting, play doh, play with them and their toys. Sometimes the park just depending on weather as it’s been bad lately here. Don’t really know what other activity options I have they can both do and that aren’t exhausting for me! Anyone else feeling the same?

You don't sound like a bad mum at all, sounds like you're doing an amazing job juggling providing for the family financially and caring for your children. Crafts and park sound great, I get what you mean about feeling like it's not enough, but honestly it is. Do what you can, when you can, and things will change as they get a bit older; 2 young children close in age is hard work! Cut yourself some slack.

Thank you, I try to tell myself this too and I know I do nice things with them when I can but it’s the losing patience easily I feel guilt over! Even though they are hard work it’s just normal for their age and I hate the days where I struggle with it more!

Your idea of exciting, and the kids idea of exciting, are probably very different. Mine used to like taking a flask of hot chocolate and a biscuit to the park. At this time of year we’d pick colourful leaves and make collages. Mine are adults now and often mention the collages.

You have 2 young children close in age you are doing what you can. You are definitely not a bad mum. You need to give yourself a break.

@DustyLee123 that’s lovely that they still remember. They do love when we go to the park I will try and add in collecting leaves, hoping the rain stops enough soon thanks!

@Mrsjayy Thanks so much, I think I am too hard on myself but it’s hard when the guilt just eats away that you should be more patient etc!

Go out in the rain, splash in puddles, get them a kiddie umbrella to hold. And watching a film under a blanket is ok some times too.

Is there things that they do or happen that you can just overlook or a different way of dealing with them that doesn't get to you ?

Tbh there's not much you can do with two under 3 at the weekend. I'd say maybe zoo, library or park. I took my two to the zoo far too much and now they think tigers are ten a penny and couldn't care less about animals so that backfired. Library is shut on Sundays. Park is wet. Sounds like youre doing fine.

@Mrsjayy The arguing and the asking to eat every 20 minutes are usually what trigger me more haha! No matter what I try to feed them it’s never enough lately, and they honestly just don’t stop the oldest doesn’t nap now and they are just on the go every minute lol, I am trying to handle things better and some days it’s easier than others.

@Parakeetamol We did the same with the local zoo but it’s like £20 a time to get in for us all now which we just can’t do every weekend! Like you say library is closed which we do go to during the week, agree with you not a lot else!

Sounds like you're doing great! The garden centres near us have their Christmas decorations up now, my DS (3) likes looking at them for an hour or so at a time - anything like that near you?

You sound like a lovey mum. Your love and attention is all they need and you are clearly giving them lots of that!
you are doing great 😊

@JC89 Thank you ☺️ I never thought of that actually thanks, we have one near us where we sometimes do seeing the fishes which entertains for a bit too haha!

Local library. Ours has sessions for kids through the week that are free. Swimming at local leisure centre? Under 5's are usually free

@Hibambinos Thanks so much 🥰

@Justcallmebebes Thank you, unfortunately we have no swimming in our city it closed a while ago and never reopened! Our closest library is also closed at the weekend but we do go during the week after nursery sometimes, I do want to drive into town and take them to the big one but apprehensive of doing it with other half lol

Mine loved the garden centre we had no money when they were growing up so a trip round the garden centre passed an hour on a Sunday

Garden centre is a legit day out! 😁
Our local one is perfect for kids. I used to take DD to look at the aquariums. They also had a kids toys and books area. Pot and packet of seeds and you had an activity for the rest of the day.
Personally I think with little kids, they enjoy small, busy things - parks, walks, looking for things. Mine loved looking in other people's gardens (from the pavement) to see if they had gnomes or ornaments.

We had snack nagging about that age, went to a set single snack in morning and afternoon, nothing before or after so three meals, two snacks a day. Cuts down on the pestering for food all the time and lets you have more control of what they eat.

Mine were that kind of age in lockdown, did lots of walks with a twist so eg took an old loo roll tube and went birdwatching, or went out to count snails, or find conkers etc. Also assault course in garden with plank balanced on two bricks,

Children don't need food every 30 minutes the nagging from them is infuriating and set snacks is such a good idea. I had a whinger she used to drive me nuts it seemed to be all day long !

@Beamur I agree I do think mines enjoy themselves more in open spaces where they can just do what they like but it’s that nagging guilt of seeing other people take their toddlers all these places even though I know my kids love parks, walks etc!

@fearfuloffluff @Mrsjayy Its so hard isn’t it, I’ve tried to change it to just a snack like that too but they just do not stop asking and because mines are quite picky eaters I feel wrong saying no too many times incase they actually are hungry since they sometimes don’t eat everything I offer at meals! That’s some great ideas for playing thank you.

I can relate, I'm finding farm parks and soft play etc can be so expensive now. Some at home activities that give me a bit of a breather:

• garden chalk and a spray bottle
• stickers (Amazon do big party bag sets of sticker sheets cheap)
• washing their plastic animals in a bowl of soapy water and drying them with flannels/kitchen roll

I think what you are doing is great - it's child centred and perfectly stimulating and interesting. You're letting your children just be and experience learning and play. They don't need whizzy experiences until they're a bit older. My toddler is a teen now are barely remembers any specific things we did but is a happy, well loved child who knew we were there.
Crack the snacking and you're golden 😁