Hi, I think I need a bit of a rant if I’m honest haha.
I live with my mom at the moment with my partner and 3 month old LO and we’re wanting to move. I’ve never had an amazing relationship with my mother, as much as I do love her we fight like cat and dog and it’s really toxic. She’s a bit of a control freak and likes to interfere a lot with things despite us begging her not to.
she constantly makes comments about things we should or shouldn’t be doing with our baby and constantly pulls faces or rolls her eyes at how we want to parent and what we believe in. She believes everything she did with me and my siblings was the right thing to do and thinks im ridiculous if I don’t do the same. She also loves lecturing us on things that are very obvious and feels like she has to tell us everything. she gaslights us on comments that she makes saying she never said them or that we’re taking it the wrong way and we’re sensitive and it’s our fault for ‘perceiving things differently’. I could provide examples but honestly there’s so many things she says that I don’t even have the energy to talk about them all right now. she honestly made my pregnancy so negative and is doing the same with my experience as a FTM and I just need to get away.
I’m just getting tired of it I feel like i can’t be around her with my baby because she’s just constantly making negative comments and I start doubting myself as a parent and actually get convinced that what she is saying is true even though it’s not and I know my daughter. I’m just hoping for some advice I guess if anyone else has a mom like this as to how they deal being around them do you just try to ignore the comments? I know there is the choice to cut her off but I do love her despite it all she’s my mom plus I want my daughter to have her Nan because she is a good nan she does love her grandkids it’s just the way she is to me (she’s similar with my sister but not quite as bad maybe due to her being older and not living with her, and with my brother it’s completely different she never says anything to him). I just don’t really know how to cope with it tbh.
Also my mother in law, now she is not a bad person she’s actually a very loving person and is very sweet but since having the baby she has said some really questionable things. She has tried to interfere a couple of times but my partner cut that straight away and tbh she’s barely done it since which I’m grateful for. It’s more to do with the fact that I have a rule that no one can kiss my LO on the face. I still don’t feel comfortable with the thought at the moment i have allowed kisses on the top of head and arms/legs since she’s been born but none on face or hands. She’s had her vaccinations late and will have her second lot of vaccinations in four weeks which she will then be 4 months which I’ve seen is when their immune system is a lot better so Im going to see how I feel about kissing then. But basically since my Lo has been born my MIL has repeatedly asked when she can kiss her on the face, now we have told her multiple times that she can’t for months and she keeps moaning asking why and wanting to do it. She asks on nearly every phone call we have and it’s getting to me now, I’ve told my partner that he needs to tell her to stop if she says it again because it’s frustrating us both that we keep being questioned on it. She also keeps wanting to have her alone and I just don’t feel comfortable for various reasons with anyone looking after my daughter except for me and my partner due to personal trauma, and just the general fact that I’m just not ready she’s my first baby and I don’t feel comfortable yet. Every time she makes comments like ‘I’ve bought these books for when it’s just us two’ ‘nanny’s going to read this to you when it’s just us two’ ‘oh just go out for the night and let me have her’ and don’t get me wrong she’s a Nan and she just loves our daughter it’s just the frequency of the comments it’s frustrating me a bit and she says it in a frustrated tone as if to say when will I be able to have her (if you know what I mean). I feel like I sound psychotic and like an overthinker lol but honestly if you were here I think you’d understand what I mean. Anyway she’s not that bad honestly it’s more just the fact that I feel like the only rule I’ve asked for (no kisses) I’m being pushed against and it’s pissing me off frankly and I think that’s what’s making me more sensitive to the other comments she makes I don’t know. She also keeps wanting to see the baby and has got mad at us because we were going to see her tomorrow but we’re not feeling well and my daughter is starting to not feel well and so we’ve asked to postpone and she got mad and made comments and didn’t even ask if her granddaughter is ok she was too caught up in being pissed that we are postponing. I just feel like both my mom and mother in law and driving me mad at the moment I don’t know what to do.
If anyone has been in this situation one or the other or both how did you cope?