Oh arse, I suspect I may be crap... please tell me you've done worse!

[snowleopard]

Birthday of friend's DD, we went to party and gave a book as a present. It didn't go down all that well and at first I thought they must already have it and were just being nice. But then I had an awful feeling that I might have given the same child the same book already - maybe at xmas or a previous birthday - I can't be sure anyway because since having DS I have no memory power whatsoever. Because I can't work out whether I did or not, I can't bring it up and apologise.

A lot of the time I like to think I try hard as a mum... but I am just soooo hopeless when it comes to organising and doing social stuff, especially DS's friends/other parents/kids' parties etc. I try but I just haven't got what it takes to chit-chat and take an interest in everyone's kids and get it right. I know that sounds mean - I'm not, I like other people but I just put my foot in it and it seems like such a mountain to climb not to screw up in one way or another. Seriously, I worry my social rubbishness is going to be such a pain for DS as he gets older (he's still a toddler now).

Can someone make me feel better

Well, I like shopping for presents to suit each birthday child. I don't have loads amounts of money or time but if someones been thoughtful enough to invite one of my DC's to their party then we will be thoughtful enough to go and choose a present together.

Well that's been my aim too Serin, but if I'm carefully chosing the something and just repeating myself, I need another approach. I like the crafty stuff idea partly because I do think most children would genuinely like it, so it is thoughtful in that way.

Serin, I didn't mean that no thought goes into the gift, but when my 3 yr-old is invited to a party by his nursery/pre-school friend, I don't often know the parent more than to say hello to when we pass at drop-off time, also my ds often hasn't met up with the friend for a "playdate" and so I don't know them individually iyswim. Crafty stuff is invaluable at times like that. You're lucky that you know all your child's friends individually and well enough to be confident that you aren't duplicating a gift and that it is something they will like, I'm hoping that will come to us as my children get older.

I once gave my cousin's dd a lovely present. DD had one and really liked it so I knew she would like it too. It was only after I gave it that I remembered that they had in fact bought dd hers and probably thought I was passing it back as an unwanted gift!

My 4yr old would just choose what she fancied, might not be at all suitable for the friend!

snowleopard I really know what you mean. I also work part-time on a self-employed basis and look after the girls the rest of the week.

I find it hard to find the time to arrange playdates, as I don't have that many opportunities during the week when I'm with the girls to do so. And so another month goes by and I realise I haven't rung to suggest my turn for the playdate and then I feel like an awful mum.

We went to a birthday party a few weeks ago and I was supposed to arrange coffee with one of the mums and still haven't. The week just flies by so quick! And the SAHM's I know always seem to be booked up months in advance. I know when I was a full time mum I arranged lots of playdates and days out as otherwise the week did seem quite long with two toddlers.

But I think that's just a bit odd of your friend not to feign delight at least at your gift.

It all sound very familiar hatty - we sound very similar! I do want to be sociable and I want to encourage DS to have friends, but I do not need to fill my week up! On our 2 weekdays together DS & I do the food shop, do errands like taking the cat to the vet, dentist, etc. plus go shopping, to museums and out for exercise and so on.

Of course being a SAHM doesn't mean you have to be super-prganised and have playdates booked up for weeks - but it means you do have time to if you want, and a lot of my friends do seem to too.