Baby sleep nightmare

[thelma57]

Hi all, I’ve posted a few times about my struggles to get my DD to sleep in her next to me crib, or in fact anywhere that isn’t on me or DH. We’ve tried everything and I think the only key is to get her to fall asleep IN the crib, so she doesn’t wake up unaware of her surroundings.

Please can I get tips on how the hell to achieve this please! She currently feeds or is rocked to sleep and is 3.5 months.

Something HAS to work, I’m so sleep deprived and DH has been on nights this week so I’ve literally been sat holding her praying my eyes stay open and having a cry all night, my mental health is really starting to suffer. I know give drifted off with her on my chest too 😭 so have made the bed as safe as possible in case.

FYI she has NEVER done more than a 3 hour sleep independently which was in itself some kind of fluke never to be seen again.

PLEASE HELP 😭

Can you cosleep with her (or breastfeed to sleep if you are bf) with her in bed next to the crib then sort of shuffle her into the crib once asleep?

Also if you're breastfeeding, can you put her into the next to me and dangle feed into it? Needs must

My boobs are a lil saggy and it's the only time I've been glad about it lol.

I'd put baby in the next to me and feed her by lobbing a boob over, let her naturally unlatch or unlatch when I could tell she was asleep. Joking aside I did have to sort of lean over the next to me to do this.

How old is your DD?

You could try feeding while holding her but towards the end of the feed when she's getting sleepy, transfer her then finish off the feed when she's in the crib.

Massive sympathy though, my DD was the same.

Edit - sorry just saw DDs age 😊

I think I need to try this, annoyingly our crib is quite low so it’ll take some serious upper body strength but will try when she next wakes up.

It’s so frustrating when you’ve tried everything! She’s such a good sleeper when she’s in contact too - just wish it was safe.

We can’t traditionally Co sleep as she doesn’t like being put down on the mattress nor is the current one we have level (can’t afford a new one atm!)

I just tried this and nearly ended up with both of us on the floor 😂
The crib we have is a bit lower than the bed so it was a no go in afraid 👎

Oh no sorry to hear it didn't work!

Do you follow Lyndsey hookway on IG? She has helped me a lot even when DD's sleep was rubbish.

I do, thanks, i’m following a few and actually messaged one about a package today to see if it might help.

I never ever imagined it would be so hard, I would take her waking up every hour over this. To have to sit awake with her in my arms, terrified of faking asleep is a fresh hell 😭

I coslept with my daughter until she was 2 she is 3 now and she has only slept through the night about 10 times. She rarely does more the 3h at a time.

I would feed her in my arms and once she was a sleep slowly slide down my pillows

Reflux and allergies are a big cause of my daughter's poor sleep and it has s predominantly affected her night sleep.

Do you have the big cot yet? For a while we had that next to our bed and I could lie in with her and then roll away.

I feel your sleep deprivation, there are definitely times when I can cope with it more than others but 3 years in, it's not easier!

See the frustrating thing is she does sleep
through the night, she sleeps beautifully and her naps are generally great she just HAS to be on someone!

I have tried having the cot on an incline to replicate chest sleeping but it has no effect.

We’ve created a sleep environment too comfy for her, I wouldn’t wanna go in the crib either!

No big cot her @Superscientist we’ve halted sorted her nursery altogether due to this, which also makes me sad.

I've also done the awkward feed to sleeping leaning into our next-to-me. Is your bedside crib height on the highest setting?

Co-sleeping was my primary solution for this, though, especially if she needs contact to stay asleep. Is there anyone who might be persuaded to help you with a new mattress as an early Christmas present?

Can you fit the big cot in your room? With both of mine there's been a phase where I climbed in the cot with them, fed to sleep, and then climbed out. Ours is a cotbed, though, so designed to take the weight of an adult and toddler sat on it for bedtime stories – not entirely sure if smaller cot-only one would be. (And I'm fairly petite.) Alternatively, if you haven't bought the big cot yet, maybe think about buying a single floorbed for her room instead of a cot? A child's single mattress is a lot cheaper than a decent quality double, and you could probably get the frame secondhand. Then you could co-sleep with her in her room.

Just co-sleep with her OP. Anyone who comes on here to say how dangerous it is (it isn't when you follow the guidelines), you've already fell asleep with her on your chest which is far, far more dangerous than putting her next to you in bed.

Next to you is where she should be - you don't need to be holding her either, she will cuddle into you and sleep because she feels secure, wake up to feed and fall straight back to sleep. It may take a few tries until she realises that's how she is sleeping from now on.

I did the pick up put down method to help DS learn to fall asleep by himself. It took some perseverance but did work.

Accidental cosleeping so much more of a problem that consciously cosleeping

I advice everyone that if you think you are going to fall asleep with a baby. Do it deliberately, do it safely.

Hi all, thanks for the further responses. Juts on co sleeping, it’s not really possible as when I do
place her down on the bed, even to feed, she tends to kick off, so I’d rather try to persevere with the cot if both are going to result in tears.

For me the best bit of cosleeping was not putting her down. She slept safely in my arms

With DD1 at one point I did a slow progression from being held for naps to lying on my lap to lying next to me to lying a couple of cm away from me. It worked with minimal tears, but it took weeks.

You could try getting baby used to lying in the cot or next to you for happy awake times, singing songs, playing with toys, and such, but that's also not going to be a quick fix.

Bit of a random one, but DD2 had a long phase where she would sleep in the carrycot but couldn't be put down anywhere else. My guess was that she liked being slightly cocooned in it, able to touch the sides, but not overly constrained (she hated being swaddled past day 1 or 2). Any luck with the pram? (I should note that DD2 has had major FOMO since birth, so she often protested being put in the carrycot...but fell asleep within minutes once out and walking.)

Have a look at cosleepy on Instagram for tips and safety on sleeping with baby on your chest (or chest sleeping as she calls it). Apparently it can be done safely just to set your mind at ease.
I haven’t done it personally but it’s worth a look.
Babies will transition to beside you/own bed in their own time. It’s tough but you will get through this (talking as a sleep deprived mum of a 9 month old who wakes every 1.5-2 hours on a good night!)
Good luck x

It was a while ago now, but when DD was little she would generally only fall asleep feeding or on one of us and wake when moved to the crib. Someone suggested the temperature difference is what would wake her and to wrap a hot water bottle in a towel and put in the crib to warm it, remove it before putting her in, and make sure not to hot then move her in. Worked for us so worth a try? Good luck and yore doing great x

Do you swaddle? I swaddled from about 5 weeks and from 6 weeks my dd2 has slept through, starting from 6 hrs and now at 4.5 months can do 13 hrs on a good night (i know im very lucky)
I swear by the swaddles with velcro that they struggle to get thier hands out. Dd1 also slept through from 6 weeks with swaddling.
Ive had 2 nights where she wasnt well that we co slept, i just put pillows to keep us both safe and stop her/me from moving.
I also leave her muslin with her so she has a familiar smell. I learnt this works when i bought some new ones the other week and she wouldnt accept the new muslin as didnt smell of me yet lol

Have you tried putting her on her stomach to sleep? Both my son and my daughter were terrible sleeps. My son would never sleep anywhere except for on me. I tried him on his stomach one day just to see and he took a 3 hour nap!! From that moment whenever I put him to bed it was always on his stomach. He had good head control but I was still paranoid so I got a sensor Matt for under the mattress. This helped so much. The midwife’s didn’t like it but he did so it was tough luck. When my daughter arrived 4 years later I went straight into stomach sleeping with her and she did great also.

Have you tried the tommee tippee swaddle bags? My little girl is 10 weeks and will only sleep in them (if not on us). I also slept in a big tshirt and then popped it in the next to me all day the day after (tucked it around the mattress). That night I popped her on top of it (making sure it wouldn't come loose overnight) in the swaddle bag and she then only woke for feeds. Hope something works for you soon xx

OP please can you quote or tag people when you're replying.
Thanks.

With regard to your baby, I would get a cot, swaddle her after a feed and leave her for ten minutes (timed) and she'll almost certainly fall asleep. If she cries for ten minutes it won't do her any harm.
You need to break the feed to sleep association.

You poor thing. I really do sympathise.

After two babies that slept like a dream my 3rd has been a whole different ball game. I basically “slept” upright for the first 8 weeks and then slowly managed to get her into the dock a tot (otherwise known as sleepyhead) on top of our duvet right next to me. I used to sleep with my head right at the bottom of her feet so she could still feel me breathing.

From there after another few weeks I moved further and further away so my head was eventually on my own pillow and then after another few weeks I moved the dock a tot into the cradle next to me.
The dock a tot isn’t strictly sleep safe but neither is accidentally co-sleeping so I figured it was the less of two evils. Needs must.

I’d really strongly recommend downloading “Little ones” which is AMAZING and has bit by bit guides for how to go from contact sleeping/fed to sleep etc to in the cot.

The key is little by little so if you can get her in there even for 10 mins each day and build from there- you’re winning.

Bare in mind that at 3.5 months it could also be the big sleep regression so it’s particularly tough right now.

You’ve got this chick. I honestly know how hard it is but I promise you it will pass.

My son would only ever sleep on my chest or in the car seat. He had reflux. Once he was on medication he started sleeping on his back and through the night. She may have reflux. It doesnt always present as vomitting

To update, we’ve been seeing slight improvements- more in the way of consistency in that she’ll stay asleep for at least 30 mins when put down (small victories!) and in the last week we’ve had 3 1 hour plus sleeps in the cot!

@Takenobull thanks for the advice, I think one thing that’s helped is leaving her to sleep on her back across my legs when she falls asleep feeding rather than moving her onto my chest all the time!

@Cumberlover76 we have also started using a heat pad which I take out just before putting her down!

Those who asked about swaddling, now, and she’s rolling now, but we do use the tommee tippee sleep bags!

@MrsGray26 not on her stomach but I have been propping one shoulder up slightly so she’s not flat on her back and this seems to help with her startling a bit and keeps her cosy longer!

@Brightandbreezey thanks for that, I’ve been reading up on chest sleeping lots and when DH has been on nights I’ve given it a go a couple of times, I’ve been super alert and followed all the guidance and it’s saved my sanity when we’ve had a very bad night! @Superscientist do you have any tips?

Again, thanks for all responses! Just goes to show that safe sleep guidelines and ‘normal’ sometimes needs tweaked!