Has my depression ruined my son's life?

[Bramblecocktail]

I have no doubt that my mental health will pact my child. When he was a baby, I'd shout at him and felt quite a detachment for a while. Every now and then, I still lose it with him. I never physically hurt him but I certainly shout even though this is something I'm working on.

He will be 3 next week and my question is, is it too late for me to turn it around? I want to be more patient and gentle and above all, make him feel safe and loved. Has anyone else managed to learn from their early mistakes and not ruin their child's life? Might sound a bit dramatic but the idea he's in anyway emotionally damaged is quite painful.

It’s never too late. If you make changes now you can really make a difference. The brain is still wiring itself, it’s not too late at all. I’m a teacher so I do have conversations like this with parents like yourself. The earlier you make positive changes, the better though as the early years are so formative. However it’s never too late. Please don’t be hard on yourself- you want the best for your son and can see you want to make a change. What help can you seek as I imagine you will need support. Sending kind wishes.

Thank you so much for your response. Chatted about it with my partner earlier and while I still think I could have handled things a lot better in the past, he told me I was being too hard on myself. It's just so easy to fixate on regrets sometimes. Really do appreciate your reassurance and kindness.

Shouting at a baby will upset them and damage their development

There's a really good book by Phillipa Perry...long title but something like 'the book you wish your parents had read and that your children will be glad you did'

Really good. Talks about rupture and repair. No one is perfect so we will rupture our relationships with our children, but the important thing is to repair the relationship.

Never too late, he has his whole childhood ahead of him.

No, definitely not too late . Also, remember that he will also have been influenced by the relationships and interactions he has experienced with others so his entire development so far hasn’t just been dependent upon you.
I appreciate that we don’t know all the details but I suspect you are being hard on yourself. We all shout at or interact negatively with our children at times.
be kind to yourself xx

How are you getting on? Sounds like you had a lot of healing to do. I'm imagining a lot of your issues probably came from your own childhood?

You sound very conciencous. I wish my mum had saught help for her mental health when I was a baby.

Deffo not too late. maybe try a parenting class? Or there’s lots of free videos on YouTube etc

It's never too late to change but it's not ok to shout at your baby. You need help!