Birthdays - am I being unreasonable?

[DoodleBugSnug]

I'd like some opinion here please because I feel like I'm going mad. My husband works away on an oil rig for 2 weeks straight. He works hard, long days, no days off and hates his high pressured job. He then gets 3 weeks off at home with me and our daughter who's turning 5 soon.

This year he's away for her birthday. We (mainly him) has planned a few nice things to do the day before he goes away so we can all spend time together for her birthday. I'd thought we'd give her about half of her presents this day (a weekend day.)

Her birthday is a school day so they'll sing to her at school then I was planning a buffet tea with grandparents and other pressies.

When chatting through with my husband he was annoyed and suggested we just pretend the weekend (when he's here) is her birthday. I said well school will sing HB to her and I'd like to acknowledge her actual birthday too with the rest of her family.

He's jealous basically... and would admit so, that he's not here to be with her on her birthday. I know it's rubbish, but he's worked there for 10+ years and it's the sacrifice we pay for a well paying job and good time off - sometimes he misses things. I really try to keep this in mind and accommodate for him feeling left out but I think he's making it about him and not our daughter.

Plus, she's also having a party with friends which is planned for later in the month once my husband it back.

Am I being unfair? Should I do all pressies and celebrations before he goes and not really acknowledge her real birthday?!?

It’s a shame he can’t be there, but lots of parents miss birthdays for all sorts of reasons.
I’d have to stick to her actual birthday, it’s the only day that is actually all about her and her special day.
Would he like birthday gifts a week before his birthday then nothing, no acknowledgment, on the day?

If she was 2 or 3 it would be ok, but especially as they'll sing happy birthday to her at school I think 5 is too old. You're right - he is making it about him. It's understandable, but it's not right, and he has to put his daughter first

I work away for 5 weeks at a time. It's shit, you miss birthdays, christmases. I can't remember the last time I spent mothers/Father's Day with my parents. But it's the reality of the job. We've had late Christmas, early birthdays. But we don't pretend that it's the real one. Unfortunately when you work away missing things goes with the territory.

The birthday is the day she was born, not some date you chose at random. To try and stop a child celebrating their birthday on her birthday is extremely self centred. In fact are you sure he isn't 5 too?!