Feeling down and insecure about everything..

[Lollyloup81]

Im not sure why I'm writing this, I'm just feeling quite low at the moment.
I have a 3 year old DS and a 5 month old DS, I think we're out of the honeymoon period with the baby and reality is setting in, plus my 3 year old is such a high needs, stubborn and loud toddler.

Im feeling a bit low with my relationships, particularly my family. I feel like DH and I get no family help, and I always knew this would be the case so I'm not surprised, but I can't help but feel a bit of envy when my friends do get help and get nights off, plus save a bit of money on childcare etc when we pay full wack.

Im lacking a bit of confidence in myself, I just feel like everyone else is better at being a mum than I am. My sister is a pain and today made a catty remark about how I must be tired because I formula feed and I have to make up the bottle at night whereas she could just roll over (eye roll) - I tried to BF but it didn't work either time.

Im feeling quite nervous about going back to work in the spring and working with new people where my old colleagues left since I've been in mat leave.

Relationships with DH family are difficult where the family is a bit dysfunctional.
It feels like every weekend we take DC to see a family member who expects us to go to them and would never come to us, then we have to make small talk and pretend things are great while DS1 is playing up and making everyone question our parenting..

I just feel like this time with 2 young children was supposed to be special and I wanted to enjoy and cherish it, but I just feel like life is mundane and frustrating half the time.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Hopeful bump

No, because we didn’t see family every week. Once a month - they live 99 miles away. I’d start by carving out some weekend time for yourself- start visiting only every other one. Put your foot down if there are complaints. You need to put yourself and your own family first. Ignore your sister.

Oh OP you sound so sad.

What do you want your life to look like? I bet it's not this.

Your life does have some great aspects to it. Which of those do you think you can focus on so that things go a bit easier? Which do you think you can shelf because they're not going to happen? Hopefully you'll have a rough Venn diagram. I suggest you put your energies there.

It sounds like you have some very toxic relationships in your life, particularly the comments about bottle feeding, which is your own business and not helpful from your sister!

Please don't compare yourself to others, its the most harmful thing you can ever do to your mental health. You can only do what you can with what you have, you always do your best and that's what counts!

Anyone questioning you as a parent, not helping you and should be being supportive instead is questionable as a human being, never mind a relative.

From personal experience I've tried appeasing toxic family members for years - I only got my freedom and peace of mind once I accepted they are who they are, nothing I ever do will ever meet their standards when mine are more important, they aren't going to change, they aren't good company and don't do my mental health any good. I'm not suggesting you cut your family out, but maybe interact with them on your own terms - when it suits you.

I recommend talking to a doctor who may be able to give you advice if you're feeling low. I recommend googling self care too, loads of tips for self esteem and you time :)

I wish you well and all the best _