I'm a shit mum

[shitmum2]

I have a very, very loved toddler DD. I only have one to juggle, but I think I'm just shit at it.

I'm currently sitting in her room trying not to cry. She just won't cooperate with anything. It's freezing here and she's refusing to get dressed. Refusing to come have breakfast. Last week she lay down in the middle of the supermarket car park, in the way of traffic, and refused to move. I had to drag her back to the car then she fought me when trying to get her into her car seat. She hits and throws. She just never does as she's told.

I'm at my wits end. I have a stressful job and no time to myself. I just need this to get a little bit easier.

I'm constantly on the verge of tears when she's in these moods and worried I'll just lose it.

What am I doing wrong?

You’re not doing anything wrong and you’re not a shit mum. You’re doing a great job.

Mine drives me nuts daily. Toddlers want to push boundaries and show autonomy.

Some examples of recent poor behaviour we’ve had to address:

1. screaming and crying until he gets another story at bedtime, he asked so nicely and my mother in law indulged him one weekend so if got the point it was easily taking over an hour to do stories. We started implementing limits “we’re going to have two stories” then we kept repeating “we’ve had one story, you can have one more story” “this is the last story and then no more”. It took about 2 weeks of consistently repeating this. Also works for the park “one more turn on the slide, then we’re leaving” and “remember this is your last turn”.
2. Refusing to leave the supermarket, or refusing to go to bed: I give a choice “do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you” if no decision made I ask again “do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you, if you don’t choose I’ll choose for you” Sometimes lifting him up is all it takes for tears to become “I want to walk”

With food we’ve started saying “come for dinner now or there won’t be any” if he doesn’t come then he gets a glass of milk instead of dinner. Tbh we’re having issues with him getting down from the table saying he’s finished and then coming back a few minutes later wondering where his food has gone: still working on it. 🤦‍♀️ Everyday is a school day.

Oh as for getting dressed it’s a daily battle. Sometimes I give him a choice of tops to get him interested.

We don’t usually have a battle with the car but he always climbs into his seat himself, he will not let me help.

Toddlers are HARD work. And some are harder work than others.

It’s not you. Promise.

My only advice: Pick your battles. Focus on sleep and food (for both of you) as missing those makes it worse. Breathe, count to 5 and if you need to, leave the room for a minute.

You’re not doing anything wrong and you’re not a shit mum! I have three and my youngest is just like your dd. Lots of deep breaths and remember it’s just a phase. The good thing about it being my third is that I no longer worry what people might think as I now know how normal it all is. If she tantrums in public so what, most of us have been there. You’re doing great I promise, hang in there!