How do I decide on having another child?

[Cas112]

I have a one year old.

I am constantly thinking about whether I want another child or not. One minute I think I'm 100% happy with my one and then I think no I 100% want a second. There are pro's and con's to both decisions, ultimately I think having one we would not struggle money wise and we would be able to to provide for our child without worrying about finances, a second child things would be tighter but not to the point we would be worrying about getting food in our mouths. We are not wealthy but we are ok, so with one I would be able to provide my child with holidays and trips etc, two would be a tighter squeeze and more budgeting, maybe not being able to do as much as we would with just the one. The thing that makes me think about a second child is later in life if anything was to happen to me or the father, i worry about my child being on there own and not having immediate family, a second child would mean my child wouldnt be left alone, they would have a sibling to support them. This REALLY sways my decision but then is that a culpable reason. People tell me raising an only child is mean but I ignore this as I think its ridiculous, so this does not sway my thinking. I'm early 30s so I think I have time to think about this but I have made the decision that I will not be having children after 35 as I dont want to be an older mum. My mum had children in her early 20s, late 20s and one at almost 40. She had found it really difficult being an older mum so this is something I know 100% wouldn't be right for me. It is not an option so this makes me think I need to make my decision soon but how. I enjoy being a mum but I have also found it hard at times but dont we all. How did you know whether it was right to have more than one child or not? Am I overthinking this? Should I wait a year or so to see how I feel eventually. How do most people make this choice, or is this just something I should know in my gut? I am not swaying more one way or the other, I just feel like I really dont know, my mind changes constantly

What does your husband think? You don't really mention his opinion at all.

I am in this situation down to a T. And I overthink constantly! I think the uncertainty at this point tells me I’m not ready for another at this time but may be in the future. My dh is happy with one but would be open to another in the future if/when we are both ready. We’re a little younger than you at 27 but I feel the same as you and wouldn’t want another past my early thirties personally. So no advice really but solidarity!

He is pretty much the same, he wanted another one and has since struggled with the sleepless nights so that has put a bit of a deterrent on a second. His opinion is its not the be all and end all if we dont have another but he thinks it would be nice for our child to have someone to play with. We had the discussion last night and all though like me he is unsure on wanting another he did say if we was to have another he would like our children closer in age than a bigger age gap which I guess makes me feel like we need to make a decision

Thank you! I never realised I would think about it so much, I thought it would just be a decision that came naturally.

I'm in a similar position. I don't know what is the right thing to do. I got very unwell and my daughter has health issues.

What I don't want to do is reach my mid 40s and realise I didn't want a second.

We have started some steps towards making this decision by getting my medication changed to those that can be taken in pregnancy. It is a small step but it has calmed the jitters. I still don't know what I want but it feels better that I'm working towards finding if it is feasible

I felt the same way for a long time, I was constantly saying we're one and done then when DS was 2 I really felt that I wanted another child, mostly for my DS. I felt like you if something were to happen to me and DH my DS would be alone in terms of immediate family. Seeing friends have multiple children and seeing the siblings play together was a big sway too. When we took DS out to the park and the beach he is sociable and wanted a friend but it didn't always work out, I know there's no guarantee that siblings will get along but I felt having another child on trips, holidays and especially in the house would be beneficial and be more of a family life for my DS and for me. We tried for nearly a year before I got pregnant and had my DD when I was 35, there are three years between them and it really suits us. DS was potty trained, sleeping through, going to nursery for a few hours in the morning and keen to help.

I feel now our family is complete. I am fortunate that DS loves his little sister, enjoys playing with her, reading stories together etc and I feel now looking back if we hadn't had a second DS would be missing out on some aspects of life. We were very much set on having another however it sounds like you're not sure, I don't see the rush right now, maybe give yourself another year to see? Yes finances are more strained but it's worth it to me. We've been able to reuse most of our baby equipment etc

My ds is 2 and I know that I definitely want another one but I also want to wait until he’s in school so that I can give our next child the same opportunities in terms of baby and toddler classes and one to one time with me and also so that I have this time with my ds.
I’m an only child and I always wanted a sibling and I am really worried and scared about what will happen if my parents get ill/when they’re no longer here and it is just me that has to deal with it 💔😢
It will end up being a big age gap but I keep seeing big sibling age gaps and it seems to work well so I am hopeful 🤞

I have a 4 and 7 year age gap and my two sisters have an 11 year age gap. We are all really close. I really liked that we didn't go through life at the same stage. We did exams separately, puberty separately (particularly key for a house of girls!) and university separately.
My dad has a 2, 6, 7 and 21 year age gap between his siblings and the only one he doesn't speak to is the 2 year age gap

You are in your early 30s and have a one year old. You have time to think about this when they are 2 or 3 or 4 or even older! You might feel completely different then.

We have a 2 year old and are sticking with one. Financial is part of it, the house isn’t big enough, we want to be comfortable and have a nice life and not worry too much about money, but a bigger part of it is our quality of life- I already feel like I do too many chores and carry too much mental load while on the other hand DH feels unappreciated in his contributions to the household, there’s friction and I would like to focus on strengthening my marriage and not being at the end of my tether which I think will be more valuable for DD than a sibling. I love being able to give a lot of my focus to DD whilst also working full time and getting time to myself, I just don’t think I would be a good mum to more than one. Plus I have zero desire to be pregnant or give birth again. I’m also over 35 and went through years of infertility after starting to TTC at 29 so honestly I feel lucky enough and like I don’t need to roll that dice again.

It’s a very personal decision and you have some time to decide. We are hoping to alleviate the downsides of having no siblings as far as we can for DD in terms of facilitating play dates, organising meet ups with friends with kids, letting her join the clubs she wants and being as open as we can to her friendships like bringing a friend on holiday when she’s older. In terms of our old age I’m planning to look into a good will, power of attorney, be willing to move into a care home if I need to etc so that DD has as little stress as possible assuming I reach an age where I need care, and if she does want to help out at least she won’t have anyone to argue with over decisions and will inherit everything.